Healing Wounds
by Bobbie23
Summary: A random meeting in the park.
1. Chapter 1

Healing Wounds – chapter one

He watched his youngest son gently kick the soccer ball to his eighteen month old grandson. The toddler moved forward and instead of attempting to kick it back he leant down and stopped it with both his hands and rolled it back to Eli.

"You're supposed to kick it Oliver," Eli told the toddler as he stopped the ball easily with his feet. "Dad, Oliver doesn't want to play soccer," he whined at his father.

"It's not that he doesn't want to, he doesn't know how to play this is why we have to teach him," Elliot told Eli. "And I expect you to be more understanding about that because you're a lot older than him. You were the same when you were his age."

"Really?" Eli questioned craning his head up towards his father, his hair flopping to the side.

"Really, now place nicely with Oliver," Elliot told Eli with a pat on the shoulder.

Eli sighed resignedly and his shoulders slumped but he didn't argue as he sat on the grass opposite his nephew. Elliot watched carefully as Oliver watched Eli excitedly as he rolled the ball to him. He smacked his hands enthusiastically on top of it to stop it before pushing it back. Unfortunately Oliver pushed it in the wrong direction and with more force than Elliot thought he was capable of as it rolled away from Eli towards another toddler in walking reigns who was picking flowers.

"Eli stay with Oliver," Elliot said as he rushed to intercept the ball before it hit him. He managed to grab the ball just as the little boy was scooped up by the young woman who was with him. He bent to pick the ball up and rose to find the little boy looking at him curiously as the woman smiled at him. "Sorry," Elliot apologised.

"It's okay," the woman replied in an English accent. "He was just picking flowers for his mom."

Elliot's eyes flicked over the boy who had the daisies clutched in his hand but his attention is on the ball in Elliot's hands. His free hand reached out and tapped the top of the ball just like Oliver had moments ago.

"Ball," he said making eye contact with Elliot, his hand resting on the ball.

"That's right little man," Elliot spoke gently with a small smile. He looked to be about the same age as Oliver. "You're both okay?" He double checked with his babysitter.

"We're fine," she confirmed with a nod. "We're just on our way to the playground."

"Okay, sorry again," Elliot said with a wave and watched as the woman manoeuvred the stroller while keeping the toddler in her arms.

"Bye," she said over her shoulder.

Elliot watched them go for a minute before Eli came to a stop beside him, Oliver holding his hand. Only when they were safely in the barriers of the playground did Elliot take his eyes off of them. Out of habit his eyes swept the perimeter and saw a couple of younger guys watching the playground. He narrowed his eyes at them, but a tug of his hand made him turn to his son.

"When is it just going to be me and you Dad? You said it would just be us today because you've been away," Eli asked looking up at him.

"Soon, Eli," Elliot promised. "I know I promised and I'm sorry but Kathleen needed us to watch Oliver while she was at the hospital for her scan. As soon as we drop Oliver off me and you can go to mine and play video games, and I'll kick your butt."

"Yeah right Dad," Eli laughed. "Can we have pizza too?"

"Yes," Elliot agreed with a roll of his eyes.

"Is she going to have a boy or a girl this time?"

"She's going to find out," Elliot said with a smile and ruffled his hair. He released Eli's hand and scooped up Oliver. "Do you want to go to the playground?"

Eli squinted at the playground where the children were mostly younger than he was. Elliot understood Eli's frustration and felt bad for him because he had to spend the day with younger children who couldn't play the same games he wanted to. He watched Eli look up at Oliver who was looking at the playground with interest.

"I think Oliver wants to, so it would be okay till we took him back to Kathleen."

"Come on," Elliot said patting his shoulder proudly. As he strapped Oliver into his own stroller.

Eli walked beside him and as they entered the playground Elliot didn't look directly at the young men but out of the corner of his eye he could see them watching him. He frowned again but masked it for the sake of the children. Eli ran over to the swings and grabbed the empty one next to the baby swings, holding onto it for Elliot to put Oliver into it.

Eli got his own rhythm going on the swing and while Elliot pushed Oliver. He kept glancing at the two men watching but their attention was fixed on the young babysitter and the little boy who were a couple of swings away. He looked at the woman who was focused on the baby but from her movements she was aware of their scrutiny and was placing herself between them and the toddler. She kept pushing the swing and pulled out her phone to send a text message. Holding the phone to Elliot's side of the baby she took a photo and then double checked it before reading a message. She tucked the phone away and refocused on the boy who was smiling and laughing.

Elliot tried to focus on Eli, who had now taken to pushing Oliver back to him, making Oliver giggle. Elliot's focus was once again diverted when the woman answered her phone with a calm tone. After hanging up she smiled down at the boy and threw a cautionary glance at the men. Only then did her worry seem to surface.

"Eli keep an eye on Oliver for a minute," Elliot said.

"Okay Dad."

Elliot approached the babysitter and her young charge casually. She tried to remain calm but she couldn't help but tense. She looked up at Elliot guardedly, while trying to shield the boy. She was scared, and he understood that was why she probably wouldn't trust him. But he couldn't stand by.

"Is everything okay?" He asked quietly.

She jumped and looked at him sharply. "Yeah, we just have to go," she said as she stilled the swing and lifted the boy out. He gave a small whimper of protest but she was undeterred as she strapped him into his stroller and gave him a toy to distract him. Elliot followed.

"My name is Elliot, I'm a retired police officer and I've seen the two men watching you."

To her credit the young woman was still wary and inched away slightly. "We're okay, I'm just going to go to the park precinct and wait for his mom."

It was Elliot's turn to frown. "That's quite a walk."

"I know," she replied. "But I'll feel safer there."

"Why don't we walk you there?" Elliot offered gently, hoping to gain some trust from her.

"I couldn't ask you to do that," she shook her head.

"Well I need to go in that direction to take my grandson back to my daughter, we'll just be walking the same way." It wasn't the way they were going, the hospital was in the opposite direction but he wasn't about to tell the young woman that if he wanted her to agree to let him walk her to the precinct.

She tried to hide her relief but she smiled gently before nodding. Elliot nodded thoughtfully. "Okay."

"Okay." He turned to Eli and Oliver. "We gotta go guys, Eli can you grab the soccer ball?" Elliot said as he lifted Oliver out of the swing and back into the stroller. Eli understood the tone in Elliot's voice and complied with his father's direction. They were back beside the young woman and Elliot made introductions. "This is my son Eli and my grandson Oliver."

"Hi, I'm Lucy and this is Noah," Lucy replied shyly.

"Hi Lucy, hi Noah," Eli replied as he walked between the two strollers.

"Hi," Noah said with a wave. Elliot smiled.

They continued along the path and Elliot was aware of the men following them at a distance. He urged the small group forward at a quicker pace. He could feel his heartbeat quickening at the implied threat, but he wasn't sure if they would make a move today with other people there. There was a definite threat though and he wondered why these men were so interested in Lucy and Noah. He looked the woman up and down while she talked with Eli about his soccer team and his latest game at the weekend. Oliver squirmed in his arms but Elliot tightened his hold and reassuringly stroked his back to calm him.

As they turned on the street for the park precinct Elliot chanced a glance behind them and the two men saw him then turned to walk the other way when they realised their target was in front of the precinct. Elliot turned back to Lucy and smiled ruefully as he followed her up the ramp.

Once inside Elliot stood to the side with Eli, Oliver and Noah while Lucy approached the front desk and spoke to the desk sergeant. Elliot couldn't help but listen in.

"Hi my name is Lucy Huston, I've been asked to wait here for Sergeant Olivia Benson. She's coming here to collect me."

Elliot didn't hear the sergeant's reply as looked down at Noah in surprise, thinking he'd heard her wrong. The little boy didn't remind him of Olivia, but the way Noah studied him was eerily familiar. He crouched down in front of the stroller and Noah offered him a cheerio from his tray. Elliot smiled and shook his head.

"That's yours Noah."

He continued to search the little boys face for any sign of his former partner but he couldn't find any apart from his curious nature. He tried to convince himself that this wasn't her son, but in his head he hoped, feared, this was her son. He feel the nerves start to build in the pit of his stomach and he was itching to get out of here before she turned up, unsure how he could face her after all this time, especially in front of her son. But his feet refused to co-operate and he couldn't look away from Noah as he kept eating his cereal. Thankfully Eli was watching Oliver eat his snack while he munched on a cereal bar.

The precinct door swung open and Elliot steeled himself as he listened to familiar footsteps entering the lobby, but they weren't the ones he wanted to hear. He looked up to see Fin approaching Lucy as he was flanked by another young detective. She smiled openly at them, looking around them obviously searching for Olivia.

"Are you okay Lucy?" Fin asked as he came to a stop in front of her. "Where's Noah?"

"We're fine, there were two guys watching us in the playground, and I got worried. Where's Olivia?"

"She had a meeting with our Deputy Chief and he wouldn't let her out of it so she asked me to come get you. Can you give us a description?"

Lucy nodded. "I can do better," she replied pulling out her phone. "I took a picture just in case, I didn't know if it was them or something else." She turned her phone to show Fin and he took it. Elliot eyebrows rose, realising what she had been doing in the playground, how quick thinking she had been.

"That's good Lucy, I'm going to send this to my phone and I'll show it to organised crime to see if they know who they are. We'll get it circulated to the patrols here to be on a look out in case they're just watching the playground. Where's Noah?" Fin repeated as he looked around and finally spotted Elliot with the child in question. "Stabler," he greeted.

"Fin," Elliot replied rising to his full height and was surprised when Fin held his hand out to him. Elliot shook it, grateful Fin was at least open to his unexpected appearance.

"What are you doing here?" Fin looked down at Eli and Oliver in question. "Don't tell me you added another kid to the Stabler household."

"No," Elliot replied. "Kathleen did, that is my grandson Oliver. I took him and Eli to the park while Kathleen was at the doctors."

Lucy jumped in confused. "We met them in the park and Elliot saw the guys watching us and offered to walk us to the precinct. You know each other?"

Fin looked at Elliot knowingly before nodding. "Elliot's an old colleague of ours. I'm going to take you guys to our precinct while Liv finishes her meeting and then Detective Amaro is going to take you home and make sure your apartment is safe," Fin told Lucy as he pointed at the other man with him.

"Okay," she said nervously. She started to get take Noah out of the stroller so the other man could fold it to go in the squad car as Fin walked deliberately to the other side of the corridor. Elliot followed him and stood closer so they could talk quietly.

"They seem like gang members to you?" Fin whispered.

Elliot frowned at how worried Fin sounded. "I didn't see any clothes that would indicate that, but they could be. They were too focused on Lucy and Noah and then they followed us here. You want me to make a statement?"

"Only if the photo gets an ID," Fin said. He looked Elliot up and down. "You know I'm gonna have to tell Liv you were here, because Lucy will tell her."

"I know," Elliot replied looking over at the boys to make sure they were okay sitting on the bench.

"Oliver?" Fin questioned knowingly.

"If he had been a girl he would have been named Olivia," Elliot answered. "Liv is his mom?"

"Foster mother, but that's her story to tell," Fin said cagily. "They see you and the boys?"

"Yeah," Elliot nodded. "We'll be fine though."

"You sure?" Elliot nodded again. "Okay let us know if you see 'em hanging around."

"I will."

"See you around, man," Fin said. He gave him another cautionary look. "I think Liv will feel better that it was you walking them to the station."

"If you guys need me, this is my number," Elliot replied, not prepared to discuss Olivia just yet. He pulled out his business card with his details. "My home number is on the back."

"US Marshalls?" Fin questioned reading the card.

"Just training," Elliot assured him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "A buddy of mine offered me the position about a year after I retired; he knew I needed some time after the shooting."

"We all did," Fin told him understandingly as pocketed the card. "I'll let you know if we need anything else." The other detective tapped Fin on the shoulder.

"We're ready to go Fin," Nick told him, eyeing Elliot cautiously. Behind him Lucy crouched in front of Eli and Oliver with Noah on her hip as they said goodbye.

"Elliot this is Nick Amaro, Nick this is Elliot Stabler, he used to work SVU," Fin introduced them calmly. Aware how awkward this could be he kept his place between the sometimes hot-tempered men.

Nick's cautionary expression turned suspicious as he straightened his posture as he gave Elliot another once over. Elliot knew Nick had figured out exactly who he was and he wondered what had and hadn't been said about his retirement. He could only imagine what rumours circulated the precinct following his departure, knowing he hadn't done anything to belie those rumours or rectify the way he had left things with Olivia. Elliot decided to offer his hand to the man, unsure if it would be ignored with the way Nick was looking at him. Nick accepted it with a scowl before turning back to Lucy.

"I didn't expect him to shake my hand."

"He knows that if anyone does deck you, it's gonna be Liv," Fin laughed at his own joke, even though it held a lot of truth to it. He sobered quickly. "Better get them back to the house before Liv gets worried, I'll be in touch."

Fin looked like he wanted to say more but Elliot didn't expect him to because Fin never overstepped and meddled in other people's relationships. He backed away and touched Lucy's shoulder to let her know it was time to go. Lucy rose and walked over to Elliot. He was once again transfixed by Noah as they approached.

"I just wanted to say thank you for today, I don't think I would have been as calm as I was if you hadn't offered to walk us here."

"It was nothing. I, uh, didn't know who he was…" Elliot nodded at Noah. He bent slowly to Noah's level to speak to him. "I'm pretty sure you don't realise this now Noah but you have got an incredible mother and you're so lucky to have her. I want you promise me that you will give her a big hug every day, and make sure she knows you love her."

Noah looked back at him for a moment, not able to comprehend what Elliot was saying to him. After a moment he curled his head into Lucy's neck.

"You know Olivia?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah," Elliot said with difficulty and Lucy's eyes softened sympathetically. Thankfully she didn't say anymore on the subject.

"Good bye, and thank you for today. Say bye Noah," she prompted the toddler.

"Bye," Noah said with a wave as Lucy followed Nick out as Fin brought up the rear.

Elliot pushed Oliver out of the precinct with Eli holding onto the stroller. He automatically checked the surrounding areas for any sign of the men from earlier but he didn't see them as Eli chatted about the homework he had to do. They walked back down past the playground towards the opposite exit. They were about a hundred meters from the exit when a couple of teenagers ran between him and Eli brushing past him in the process. He felt the sharp pain as the knife entered his back before it was yanked out again and the teenagers ran off.

"Eli," Elliot called as he slumped forward, grabbing his back as he did his best to keep standing. All he could register was Eli rushing back to him to get a hold of the stroller which had been undisturbed in the struggle. Elliot dropped onto his knees and Eli looked panicked but unharmed as Elliot thrust his phone at him. "You need to call nine, one, -" was all he managed before he lost consciousness.

**Author Note – TBC? Anything you want to tell me? Please leave a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	2. Chapter 2

Healing Wounds –chapter two

Eli was punching the numbers before his dad said them. He held the phone to his ear with one hand and reached for the stroller with his other, glancing at Oliver to make sure he was okay. He was fine but was looking at his dad on the floor. He looked around to see if there was anyone who could help but there was no one. He looked at the playground in the distance but none of the adults looked back at him, absorbed in their own children. His sigh came out as half a sob as Eli knelt down next to his dad, ignoring the hard cold concrete cutting into his knees as his panic rose as the phone rang once more before the operator picked up.

"Nine, nine, one state your emergency," the female operator said into the phone.

"My dad's been hurt and there's lot of blood," he said into the phone. His phone crackled slightly and he held onto it tighter, anything to have contact with help. He was trying to keep calm, like his dad would. He had to get help. His dad needed to be okay. Eli needed him to be.

"Can you tell me where you are?"

"We're in Central Park; you have to send someone quickly. He needs help," Eli added panicking.

"You need to tell me what part of the park you're in," the operator told him.

"We're at the exit near the playground," Eli replied trying to stop panicking as the pool of red liquid continued to grow. "There's so much blood, please help."

"I have them on the way. I'm going to keep talking to you till they get there. How old are you?"

"I'm seven," Eli said brusquely, not quite understanding why the woman on the other end of the phone needed that information.

"What's your name?"

"Eli and my dad's name is Elliot, and Oliver is with us." Eli looked back up at Oliver who was craning his neck over the tray of his stroller to see Elliot. His little feet pushed up on the seat to get a better view. "No Oliver, you need sit down," Eli said trying to push him back into his seat.

"Who's Oliver?" The operator asked patiently.

"My nephew, he's one," Eli replied as Oliver thankfully sat back down but frowned at him while pointing at Elliot.

"G'anpa s'eep?"

"No," Eli shook his head, his eyes began to water. "He's got an ouchie Oliver." Eli wanted to reassure Oliver, wanted to hug him and tell him it was going to be okay, because that's what Eli wanted someone to do for him. But he couldn't because that would take him away from his dad when he needed him most. Eli grabbed reached for the pushchair tray and pulled it closer.

"Eli?" The operator called over the phone. "Eli?" She called again when there was no immediate response.

"I'm still here."

"Is Oliver okay Eli?"

"He's not hurt, he's in his stroller and looks scared," Eli's eyes blurred and he lowered his voice. "I'm scared."

"You're doing great Eli and help should be with you soon. Can you tell me how your dad got hurt?"

"I'm not sure, we were walking along and two guys ran into us before running off, and then I saw the red patch on my dad's shirt before he fell over. He told me to ring you before-" Eli sniffed back his tears.

"You're doing good Eli. Is your dad still awake?"

Eli looked down at Elliot, his eyes were almost closed. "Not really, kind of opening and closing his eyes. They have to hurry."

"They're going to be with you as soon as they can Eli, I need you to keep talking to me. Do you have a jumper or anything?"

Eli glanced into the stroller and spotted his hoodie. "Yeah," he replied lifting it out.

"I need you to put it over the red patch on your dad's shirt and hold it on there, can you do that for me?"

"Okay," Eli agreed and did as the operator asked with his free hand while he kept hold of the phone with the other. "I'm holding it on there."

"That's good Eli. Were you hurt Eli?"

"No it was just my dad."

"Can you tell me what the men looked like?"

Eli sniffed again. His throat tightened as he tried to remember the moment the men ran between them. It happened so fast and he had been spun away from his dad. He remembered bumping into the other man. He should have looked up at him but he was confused about what was happening and wanted to get back to his dad as quickly as he could. He remembered looking back at his dad only to see the red begin to spread on his shirt before he grabbed his side and fell to his knees in pain. Eli's heart pounded in his head, shaking it he tried to focus on his memory of the guy who had pushed them apart.

"They were shorter than my dad and the one who ran between us was wearing a black puffy jacket and a baseball cap."

"Can you tell me what colour the baseball cap was?"

"It was a black." Eli looked down at his hand when he felt the sticky liquid on it. The blood was everywhere; the floor, his dad's shirt, the jumper, _his_ hands. "The jumper has so much blood on it."

"Help is on its' way Eli, they'll be there as soon as they can. Can you tell me what the other man was wearing?"

"I can't remember I was worried about my dad."

"What about how old they were?"

"I don't know," Eli hung his head shamefully, the tears were rolling down his cheeks now and he was trying not to sob. He should have been paying more attention. His dad would know. He was letting him down by not knowing these answers. His throat tightened and he was trying not to cry, he needed to be braver. "I'm sorry," he half sobbed into the phone.

"It's okay Eli; we'll be with you soon."

Eli suddenly heard the boots pounding on the pavement, running towards him and his head whipped up to see a paramedic rushing towards him, followed by a police officer. Behind he saw the ambulance and another police officer. "They're here," he almost cried in relief to the operator.

"Okay Eli, they're going to help your dad now. And they may need you to answer some questions; do you think you could do that?"

"I'll try," he replied, worried he may not know the answers.

"You've done a great job Eli, I need you to hang up the phone and talk to the paramedics who are with you."

"I will," Eli went to hang up before quickly pulling the phone back to his ear. "And thank you," he said before pressing disconnect without waiting for a reply and dropping it on the ground next to Elliot.

One paramedic knelt down on the other side of Elliot and placed his fingers on his neck to check for a pulse. The police officer knelt down next to him and spoke gently, placing his hands over Eli's on the jumper to dislodge it while the paramedic took the jumper away.

"The operator told me to put it on him," Eli argued trying to pull it back over the red stain. It was saturated.

"I know, but I need to see where your dad is bleeding from to see how to help him."

Eli let him take it away, unable to tear his eyes away from the blood which was soaking through the fabric. He blinked back his tears, amazed with how much blood his dad had lost.

"I'm Officer Jenkins. What's your name?" The officer asked.

"Eli," he said glancing down as he heard the paramedic cutting through his dad's shirt. The fabric moved away and Eli saw the dark open wound on his dad's side, the blood was still seeping out.

"What's your dad's name?"

"Elliot," Eli replied and then pointed at the stroller next to them, where Oliver had started to fuss out of the confusion. "That's Oliver."

The officer shared a glance with the paramedic who nodded. The paramedic leant down to Elliot and spoke his name, checking his responses. The officer urged Eli to stand as the other paramedic took their place next to Elliot. The other officer hovered over the paramedics, talking into his handheld radio, explaining the situation. The paramedics pressed a stethoscope under Elliot's shirt and listened to the heart beat. "The heart beat is slowing; we need to get him to the hospital."

"I'm going with him," Eli stepped forward again but was stopped by the police officers hand.

"They need to work on your dad; we'll follow them in the squad car. I need you to tell me what happened."

Eli looked pensively at the scene before him. If only his dad would open his eyes, just once, he would feel safer. He needed to be stronger for him. Without taking his eyes from his dad's face Eli answered the officer. "We were walking back from the precinct and two guys ran up behind us and one of them pushed between me and my dad. I bumped into the other one but he kept running. When I turned back to my dad he had a red spot on his shirt and then he fell." One of the paramedics stood and started walking back to the ambulance. "You gotta help him."

"He's just getting the stretcher so we can get him into the ambulance," the other paramedic reassured Eli.

"Oh," Eli replied. Oliver's fussing escalated into a full blown wail and he tried to reach for Eli. Eli bent to cuddle Oliver to reassure him, only to pull back when he realised he'd smeared blood on Oliver's arm. He couldn't hold back his tears any longer and looked up at the police officer. "Can you hug Oliver because I don't want to get blood on him?"

Jenkins patted his shoulder sympathetically and nodded. "Come on buddy," he said lifting Oliver out of the stroller and hunched down next to Eli, doing his best to comfort both boys. Oliver quietened but he was still mewling softly. "You've done the right thing Eli, your dad's going to be so proud of you."

"He is?" Eli said sniffing back his tears. He wanted to wash his hands as he nervously wrung them together.

"He is," Jenkins promised watching the kid's hand movements. He was in shock and obviously distressed. He looked over his shoulder at his partner. "Hey Lowry, can you get me my hand wipes from the car so Eli can wipe his hands?"

Lowry looked down at Eli and offered a sympathetic smile which made Eli feel worse, before he nodded and went to retrieve them. Jenkins turned back to Eli. "Eli you said you were on your way back from the precinct. Do you mean the park precinct?"

Eli nodded. "Yeah, we took Lucy and Noah there."

"Who's Lucy?"

"A lady we met in the park, she was babysitting Noah."

"Why did she need to go there?"

"She was picked up by some police officers."

"Lowry get a hold of the desk Sergeant and ask him if a woman named Lucy came into the precinct earlier to wait for an officer, he knew the victim."

"You got it," Lowry threw the wipes to Jenkins before walking away to speak into his radio.

"My dad knew one of the officers."

"Do you know the officers' name?" Jenkins brow rose hopefully.

"No," Eli shook his head. "My dad didn't introduce us, but he used to work with him."

"Your dad is a police officer?"

"Not anymore," Eli shook his head. Eli watched as the paramedics finished lifting his dad onto the stretcher as Jenkins held out a couple of wipes to him. He frantically grabbed them and wiped away the blood staining his hands. He then used a clean one to wipe Oliver's arm. "Can we go with my dad? Please?"

"We're ready to go," one of the paramedics called out.

"Which hospital?" Jenkins asked rising to his full height while he held onto Oliver.

"Mercy,"

"We'll meet you there. Eli we're going to get you and your brother in the car and take you to the hospital."

"Oliver isn't my brother, he's my nephew. My sister is at the doctors for a scan. She's going to find out if her baby is a boy or girl."

"Do you know her number so we can get her to meet us at the hospital?"

"No, but it's in my dad's phone." Eli patted his pockets to look for it, frowning when he couldn't feel it. He looked on the ground and saw where his dad had been lying, next to the blood which pooled on the ground. Eli tried to ignore the blood as he picked the phone up and gave it Jenkins. "Her name's Kathleen."

Lowry jogged back to them, panting lightly. "Sarge remembers them. A couple of detectives from Special Victims picked 'em up, he's going to get hold of 'em and have 'em to meet us at the hospital."

"He get the dispatch description out to the on-foot patrols?"

"Yeah, but no sign," Lowry responded. Eli looked between the officers, trying to follow their conversation all the while thinking about the ambulance, whose siren he could only just hear, he couldn't even see it anymore. "Is there anyone to call for these two?"

"Yeah, can you get them in the car while I make the call?"

"Sure."

Jenkins handed Oliver to Lowry and Eli dutifully followed, ignoring the spot where his dad fell when they past it, willing to go along with anything so long as he could see his dad soon. He needed to make sure he was going to be okay. He walked along the path to the police car when out of the corner of his eye he saw another patch of red at the edge of the grass where it met the path. He couldn't help but be curious, wondering how his dad's blood got over there. As he drew closer he saw the black handle of the knife, his eyes widened as he took in the silver blade smeared with blood. Eli jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Jenkins standing behind him.

"You okay Eli?"

"I found the knife."

**Author Note – the response to the first chapter was overwhelming, I can't thank you guys enough. Do you want more? Let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

Healing Wounds - chapter three

Having finally escaped her meeting with Dodds, Olivia paced the hallway in front of the elevator as she was too anxious to wait in her office. Her heart had been pounding since she first received the text message from Lucy. Her mind raced as she rechecked her phone every few seconds, sighing each time there wasn't any new messages from Lucy, Fin or Nick. Her chest tightened, all she wanted was an update from one of them. She needed to know Noah and Lucy were safe, she wouldn't be able to rest until she knew that. Dodds refusal to let her postpone their meeting rang in her ears, she hated his insinuations, and she hated having to choose. Her imagination was running wild as the worst possible outcomes played out in her head and she would never forgive herself for not ignoring Dodds and walking out if anything happened to either one of them. Surely Fin or Nick would have called her if the worst had happened. Her eyes slid shut, trying to shut out all the images in her head.

"Mama!" Noah exclaimed happily as soon as he saw Olivia. She whirled around, a huge smile splitting her face and she quickly made her way to the small group who stepped off the elevator. Noah lifted his arms to her expectantly. "Out?" He asked hopefully.

"Hi Noah, how's my little man huh?" Olivia crouched down in front of him and quickly undid his straps just as eager as he was. Her eyes raked over his form to make sure he was physically unharmed. She lifted him out of his pushchair and settled him on her hip pressing a kiss to his forehead, discreetly breathing him in as he snuggled into her like he usually did when they were reunited. Olivia squeezed him to reassure herself he was fine and in her arms. Over the top of his head her eyes met Lucy's. She was trying to portray a brave exterior but Olivia could see the fear lurking in her expression and not for the first time she felt guilty for making Lucy a part of all of this. No words could convey how grateful she was to the young woman for staying calm and keeping Noah safe. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Lucy replied with a forced smile which didn't reach her eyes.

Olivia inwardly cringed as the younger woman used the same phrase she'd used for years. She hated that Lucy was taking cues from her with how to deal with the threat to Noah's life. Olivia wished she could make Lucy feel safer about the situation but they were doing all they could with the investigation. She rubbed a hand down Noah's back. He seemed happy enough, wasn't overly clingy, and the incident didn't seem to be affecting on him like it had Lucy and Olivia was grateful for that.

"I'm sorry for not being able to come pick you up. Were you okay making your way from the playground?"

"Yeah they had a good Samaritan walk with them," Nick interrupted snidely and held up a phone as he walked past the small group. "I'm gonna send this picture to Organised Crime, see if we get a hit."

Olivia frowned as he disappeared into the squad room without looking in her direction. He had been fine before he left and been eager to help her when Dodds refused to let her out of the meeting to collect Noah and Lucy. She turned to Fin but he shrugged then shook his head but offered no explanation for her partner's uncharacteristic behaviour and quick change of attitude. Even Lucy looked confused about Nick's abrupt arrogance.

"Good Samaritan?" Olivia questioned Fin as Noah started to play with her necklace. Lucy opened her mouth to respond but Fin cut her off.

"Maybe we should take this into your office," Fin suggested heavily.

Olivia quirked an eyebrow at him but Fin was firm and gave nothing away as he met her stare. The knot that had been forming in Olivia's stomach since she got Lucy's first message tightened. She couldn't shake the ominous feeling. She unconsciously held Noah closer and turned on her heel to lead the way to her office. Striding through the squad room she glanced in Nick's direction but his head was down as he spoke into his phone. With one hand on his hip, his posture was stiff and his frustration showed on his face, and she wondered exactly who it was aimed at.

Amanda looked up and gave them a small smile and wave as her phone rang and she answered it. "Rollins."

Olivia pushed open her door and sat in her chair with Noah on her lap. He immediately reached for the edge of her desk, eager to find something to play with. Lucy followed them and handed Olivia his sea lion to distract him from the important files on her desk. Noah saw it immediately and kicked his legs excitedly as he lifted his arms to accept it from Olivia. He wrapped his arms around it tightly, giving Olivia a big smile. She smiled back and stroked her thumb along his cheek. Her panic was starting to ease now that he was in her lap.

The door clicked shut as Fin pushed back against it after pushing the stroller into the office. Lucy sat on the other side of her desk as Fin hovered near the door. Olivia smiled reassuringly at Lucy and opened her mouth to ask what happened when Fin was jolted forward by Amanda opening the door.

"Sorry to interrupt but your witness from the park is on his way to Mercy," she said in a rush. Olivia sat up straighter as Fin's face clouded over immediately on the defensive.

"What happened?" Fin asked panicking.

"He got stabbed on his way out of the park," Amanda replied backing up from her partner, eyeing him warily.

"Is it Elliot okay?" Lucy interrupted.

"Elliot?" Olivia questioned in surprise before expectantly meeting Fin's eyes. His eyes softened sympathetically and he nodded once and Olivia felt her stomach clench as the realisation dawned on her. She pulled Noah closer, trying to find comfort in his presence but it only served to highlight what had happened. She blinked slowly, not really comprehending the information everyone was trying to tell her.

"They're not sure yet," Amanda told Lucy after watching the silent conversation between the senior members of the unit.

"What about Eli and Oliver?" Lucy replied.

"I don't know, they never mentioned them." Amanda shrugged and looked to Fin, waiting for his direction.

"Tell 'em I'm on my way," Fin said pulling the door open to leave.

"I already did," Amanda replied as she spun on her heel to return to her desk.

"It was Elliot?" Olivia asked thickly, guardedly. She had no idea why she was asking again, but couldn't wrap her mind around the coincidence.

"Yeah, he was there with Eli and his grandson. Lucy can tell you more," Fin answered gently. Fin was about to follow Amanda when Olivia automatically rose from her desk, hoisting Noah to her hip, ready to go with Fin but he held up a hand to stop her. "Stay with Noah, he needs you right now and I'll keep you informed."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue with him only to close it again. Fin was right. There was little she could do at the hospital till the doctors determined how Elliot was. Even though her first instinct was to go to with Fin to find out how Elliot was, Noah needed to come first and she needed to find out what happened in the park and the only person who could tell her was Lucy. She had to trust Fin to tell her how Elliot was. She reluctantly nodded for Fin to leave. He slipped through the door and pulled it closed behind him, the lock clicking louder than it should.

Absentmindedly Olivia placed a reassuring kiss to Noah's forehead. She silently chastised herself because it was more for consoling herself than her son. Olivia sat back in her chair in resignation, her gaze settling on the window as she watched Fin walk out of the squad room, wishing she could be going with him.

"Elliot said he knew you," Lucy told her, her voice quiet and inquisitive.

Olivia's eyes snapped to her face. She schooled her own features, hoping the façade would alleviate Lucy's distress. Seeing the sympathy in the babysitters eyes Olivia knew it hadn't worked and she wondered what exactly had been said or if Lucy was that intuitive.

"We worked together for a long time, I haven't seen him in a few years though," Olivia said clearing her throat. She needed to focus on something, anything to help her make sense of this coincidence. "What happened at the park?"

….

Fin burst through the doors of the emergency room, striding through the manic crowd which always seemed to be present at the admissions desk. He stood beside a family, but wasn't able to make out what any of them were saying as they were talking over one another to the harassed looking nurse brave enough to try and help them find their injured relative. He pulled his badge and showed it to the other nurse hovering at the back of the station. She acknowledged him with a tip of her chin before walking forward.

"Detective Tutola, I'm looking for a stabbing victim who was just brought in from Central Park, Elliot Stabler. There were two kids with him."

The nurse typed on the keyboard and read her search results before looking up at him. "The doctor's in with him now. Were the kids admitted too? Because there's no mention of them here…"

"I don't know," Fin replied worried. In all the confusion nobody had given him any information about Eli and Oliver. He was trying to remain calm even though the guilt grew inside of him for allowing Elliot to leave without some sort of back up when he knew there was the possibility of retaliation. The odds were slim this wasn't related, that it could be a random assault but Fin was almost certain that wasn't the case.

"That's him," he heard a voice exclaim from the doorway behind him. "That's the man that knows my dad."

Fin turned out of curiosity and saw Eli running towards him. He nodded to the nurse behind him that he had found the right children. Crouching down to Eli height, Fin glanced at the uniformed officer following him carrying Oliver. Neither child looked to have a scratch on them despite the blood smears which covered Eli's shirt.

"Hi Eli," Fin said gently.

"You know my name?" Eli frowned at him.

"Yeah little man, I knew you when you were just a baby. My name's Fin." Fin tried to force a smile to encourage the young boy into trusting him. "Are you hurt?" Fin asked looking down at his shirt. There was no point asking Eli if he was okay, because he was obviously worried about his Elliot; they all were. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Olivia if Elliot didn't survive the attack.

"I'm fine," Eli responded bravely but his glance at his own shirt belied his answer. "That's my dad's blood," he explained quietly.

"Do you have a spare shirt to change into?"

A forlorn look fluttered across the boys features as his eyes watered. He opened his mouth to speak but he seemed to choke on the words and he shook his head. Fin patted his shoulder comfortingly and was surprised when Eli fell into him and started sniffling. Fin wrapped his arm around him soothingly, knowing it wouldn't alleviate Eli's fear fully till he saw his father. Hopefully Elliot would be awake and on the mend.

Fin hooked an arm under Eli's knees and lifted up from his squatted position. With Eli's head buried in his shoulder he faced the uniformed officer, he looked Oliver over to make sure the toddler was uninjured. He looked settled enough.

"Detective Tutola," Fin introduced himself. "I used to work with Stabler."

"Jenkins," the other man nodded.

"Any news?"

Jenkins shook his head. "We just got here. The victim's daughter is going to meet us here. She's actually upstairs at an appointment."

"Any sign of whoever did this?" Fin asked hopefully. He wanted to ask what happened but not with the way Eli was feeling. Jenkins shook his head.

"We've got people out canvassing. They dumped the knife but Eli found it and my partner got hold of the paramedics to let them know how long it was, so they know what they're dealing with. He's gone down to the station to process it." Jenkins gestured his free arm at Eli. "Eli did an amazing job looking after his dad."

Fin tipped his chin over Eli's shoulder, realising exactly what the child had gone through. "He sure did. What about CCTV?"

"We're checking it now, but unfortunately no one matching the description Eli gave us has left the park via the exits. We hope they're either hiding somewhere in the park and we'll find them, either that or they've changed clothes."

Fin reached into his pocket to retrieve a card to hand it over to the officer. "We think it might be linked to our investigation, so any information you get pass it along." He then lifted his phone and he felt bad for what he was about to do because Eli was still slightly shaking in his arms. He still had to do it. He touched a finger to Eli's arm to get his attention. Instead of lifting his head from Fin's shoulder he tilted his chin to acknowledge Fin, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand to brush away the tears. "Eli can you look at this picture and tell me if these are the men who ran into you and your dad?"

Eli looked at the picture, concentrating on the photo. He frowned as he shook his head. "No, I remember them from the playground but they're not the ones who ran into my dad."

Fin nodded his head approvingly but his heart dropped. Maybe the attack was unrelated after all. He blew out a breath and shifted Eli so it was more comfortable to carry him.

"Fin!" Kathleen called as she rushed down a corridor towards them, one hand covering her extended abdomen. "Where's my dad?"

"He's in with the doctor now, we're still waiting for an update."

Kathleen automatically took Oliver from Jenkins and cuddled him close to check him out. Once satisfied her son wasn't hurt she looked to her brother and frowned as he cowered into Fin's shoulder, refusing to look at her.

"Hey Eli," she said gently stroking a hand over his hair. "Talk to me."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled out.

"For what?"

"There was lots of blood and I couldn't stop it."

"Eli," she said gently but firmly to make him look at her. He turned his face fearfully, shamefully facing his sister. "None of this is your fault. You did the right thing and did everything you could to help Dad."

Eli shook his head refusing to believe he'd done the right thing. His eyes screwed shut and he twisted his head back into Fin's neck, his tears flowing once again. Fin squeezed him, knowing there was nothing that would make the boy feel better. Kathleen's face fell as she empathised with her little brother. She stroked the back of his head soothingly and she looked close to tears herself as she readjusted Oliver on her hip to avoid her bump.

"Come on, let's get you a seat." Fin told her as he put an arm around her shoulder to usher her towards the waiting area.

Jenkins gestured to his radio. "I've been called back to the precinct to help with the search, I'll just get the stroller for y'all and then I've got to head back."

"Thanks," Fin replied as Kathleen settled into one of the chairs with Oliver on her lap.

….

Over an hour later Fin was sat next to Kathleen with Eli on his lap. Oliver, who was secure in his mothers' arms, had fallen asleep. Eli refused to let him go except to get changed into the NYPD sweat shirt Jenkins had brought with him from the car after retrieving the stroller and changing bag. Fin couldn't blame him for being clingy, he was afraid and Fin suspected that wouldn't go away for a long time. Fin did his best to tell Kathleen what he could about the events leading up to the assault and Eli quietly added what happened after they left the police station, still insisting he let his father down. A doctor wandered out into the waiting room.

"Family of Elliot Stabler?" He asked as he approached.

"Here," Kathleen raised her head from her slumbering child. "I'm his daughter."

He sat on the chair next to her and looked to Fin, silently asking who he was. Fin flashed his badge. "Detective Tutolla."

"It's fine to talk in front of him," Kathleen insisted when the doctor hesitated.

"Your father suffered a stab wound to his back. He did lose consciousness but came to during the ambulance ride and was asking about his son."

In Fins' arms, Eli sat up straighter at the mention of this. He focused on the doctor as he continued talking. "At first we thought the knife may have gone into his heart because there was a build-up of blood in his chest but we put a tube in to release the pressure. We gave him a scan to determine how deep the stab wound was and it missed the heart but caught the back of his lung without going through. We had to operate and he's in recovery now."

"Is he going to be okay?" Eli asked with a small voice.

The doctor tilted his head to the side. "We've got to keep him in for a few days for observation. Are you the one who helped him in the park?" Eli's head bobbed slowly, uncertainty painted on his features. "He could have been a lot worse if you hadn't done what you did."

Eli brightened a tad but he still wasn't quite convinced. "Can I see him?"

"When he wakes up," the doctor promised.

**Author note – can I take a moment to say how wonderful you all are? The response to this story has been better than I could have ever imagined. You're going to have to forgive me if any of the operating procedure for Elliot was wrong, but there's only so many youtube videos of stab wounds being treated one person can watch. Let me know what you think…**


	4. Chapter 4

Healing Wounds – chapter four

Apart from Olivia and Noah, Amanda was alone in the squad room. Nick left nearly an hour ago to take Lucy home and Fin still hadn't returned from the hospital. She spent the afternoon monitoring the search in the park for the assailants but there was no sign of them yet and they were now waiting while someone scoured the CCTV to find anyone matching their description.

Nick calmed down once hearing of the attack but he was still defensive and angry since his return, and the afternoon was punctuated with the slamming of his desk draws and abrupt conversations. In contrast Amanda tried to keep her head down. He didn't refuse any order Olivia gave him, but his underlying anger was heard in every response. Even Amanda's tolerance for Nick's attitude was wearing thin; she was secretly relieved when he left with Lucy, relishing the unusual lull as she waited on progress reports from various leads.

She could see the toll the afternoon's events had taken on Olivia, and the added pressure of her old partner being injured only complicated the investigation further. Olivia was clearly shaken and Amanda saw her checking her phone regularly for updates from Fin. Noah's presence in the precinct calmed her, focusing her mind on him, but Amanda could see the torment and the worry in Olivia's face.

She heard Noah giggling as he emerged from Olivia's office, his feet carrying him as quickly, albeit slightly totteringly, as they could. Amanda lifted her head in amusement to see Olivia follow him to her doorway as he quickly ran towards her, only just seeing his brown locks over the side of her desk. Amanda shot her a knowing look and smiled just as he rounded the corner of her desk and she rolled her chair into his path. He stopped short and looked up at her with wide eyes, his mouth dropping open comically.

"Oh," Noah said in surprise as he tried to look around Amanda for another get away plan now that his path was blocked.

"Where are you going little man?"

He peered around the side of her legs and pointed. "Dere."

Amanda laughed gently at his confidence. Noah looked back at her as he contemplated his thwarted escape route. To Amanda's surprise Noah lifted his arms to her as he took a small step forward, silently asking to be picked up. Amanda surprised herself by slipping her hands under his arms to lift him.

"Don't you want to go see your mom?" Amanda asked placing him on her lap. Noah shrugged coyly as he looked at her desk, tapping the edge with his hands and he quickly settled in to her side.

"No," he shook his head and looked over at Olivia standing in her doorway with his coat in her hand. He ducked his head playfully and giggled that he had escaped for now.

"Why not?"

"No coat," he said pointing at the offending piece of clothing his mother wanted him to put on.

"You don't want to go home?" Amanda asked. She glanced out of the window and realised afternoon turned into night at some point.

"No," he shook his head. "'Tay." He snuggled on her lap, his eyes full of mischief as they roamed her desk eager to find something to play with.

"You sure do make yourself at home, don't ya?"

"Um," Noah replied with a nod his focus on the pen holder on the desk.

Amanda chuckled again at the little boys' easy attitude and how comfortable he was with everyone he met. She looked over his head to find Olivia watching her son with a fond expression. They may have their differences but watching Olivia and Noah warmed Amanda's heart. She wasn't the most comfortable around children and given her history she wasn't sure if she wanted any of her own, but Noah's smile was infectious and she could understand how easy it was for Olivia to welcome him into her life. Despite the long hours, the stress of a being a single parent combined with a high pressured job, especially with the extra anxiety of Noah's early start in life and the ongoing threat hanging over her head, Olivia relished being a mother.

Amanda caught Olivia's eye and held a hand out for the coat. Olivia looked taken a back but stepped forward while Noah was distracted by the pen he plucked from the holder. Amanda took the coat when Olivia offered it to her. She took hold of Noah's free handand put it into the right sleeve.

"Hmm," Noah sighed as he realised what was happening but he didn't fight her or wriggle to get away. He rarely argued or cried, usually adapting easily to any change of his routine and Amanda wondered if that was a result of being shuffled between foster families before he was placed with Olivia.

Amanda took the pen out of his other hand and thredded it through the empty sleeve before swivelling her chair to face Olivia so she could close the zip. Once done Olivia straightened her back and looked down at Noah as he lifted his arms and contemplated his defeat.

"Hmm," he huffed again and dropped his arms.

Amanda gave him a consoling squeeze. "Are you guys going home?"

"No, Fin called from the hospital, Elliot woke up. I'm going to drop in on my way home."

"You're going to take Noah?" Amanda tried to keep the concern out of her voice.

"Yeah, I couldn't ask Lucy to stay after what happened today."

Amanda bobbed her head understandingly and looked down at the toddler. Her mouth opened before she could rethink her offer. "I could watch him till you got back."

She had no idea why she offered, nor did she think Olivia would take her up on it but Olivia needed some time to think and she wouldn't be able to do that with Noah with her. Amanda stared at Olivia and wasn't surprised when the inevitable head shake came.

"No, I'm going to go home after and get him to bed," Olivia replied.

Amanda realised why Olivia wanted to take Noah to the hospital. He was her escape, her reason to leave if it became too much for her. She knew Olivia must be conflicted in using Noah like this but she could understand why Olivia would want a buffer in this situation.

"If you're sure…" Amanda offered once more watching her closely fully prepared for the refusal.

"I am," Olivia was resolute. "You heading home soon?"

"Yeah, I've got some paperwork to do and I'll probably wait for Nick or Fin to come back before I go."

Olivia nodded once, not ready to elaborate on the mirade of emotions playing across her face. "Don't stay too late," she replied and held her hands out to Noah who eagerly went to her.

"I won't," Amanda promised as Olivia settled Noah onto her hip. "Night, night Noah."

He gave her a sweet smile and waved his hand. "Bye."

….

Kathleen stroked her fingers through Eli's golden hair as he rested his head on her lap. He'd finally given in to exhaustion a while ago and fallen asleep while Fin went in to see their father to take his statement. Eli surprisingly balked when the nurse when asked if he wanted to see their dad, suddenly afraid but he refused to leave the hospital too. Kathleen's other hand rested on her stomach and rubbed it out of habit to reassure herself. She'd already seen her dad. She thought this part of their lives was over, never thought she would be worrying about getting another phonecall about her dad being hurt.

The door to the waiting room opened and natural curiosity made her look over to see Olivia carrying a sleep child through the door. Kathleen looked at her father's former partner and relief filled her. If one good thing came out of this mess it would be a chance for her father to see Olivia, give him a chance to make things right. This wasn't the most ideal reunion, but it was a start. Kathleen hoped they wouldn't be too stubborn to let this opportunity pass them by.

Olivia looked around and spotted her almost immediately. Her lips lifted and she beckoned her over gesturing to Eli in her lap. Olivia's eyes softened and made her way over to them. Kathleen took the moment to study the woman who had been a huge part of her life growing up. She looked tired, guarded. Kathleen could see the anxiety, and she wanted to know if it was just about seeing her father after four years. From the newspaper articles and headlines she was aware the last two years had been tough, but she learnt from her father never to believe everything the media said, it wasn't the full story. Kathleen wasn't sure if she wanted more details than the harrowing ones the paper werer able to print about Olivia's abduction and subsequent torture. Olivia survived and that was all that mattered to Kathleen.

"Hi," Kathleen said as Olivia sat on the chair beside her, leaving a gap and rearranging the slumbering child on her lap into a more comfortable position. Kathleen studied the little boy who looked about the same age as Oliver. "Worn himself out?"

Olivia's eye widened momentarily before gazing down at him. "Yeah, it's been a long day," Olivia replied. "For everyone," she added eyeing Kathleens swollen belly. "How's your dad?"

Kathleen contemplated her for a moment and knew Olivia wanted to congratulate her on the pregnancy but with her father's injuries overhanging their reunion now wasn't the time. "He's awake and the doctors say he can go home in a few days if there aren't any seem quite confident. Fin's in with him now taking his statement."

Olivia bobbed her head. "That's good. How's Eli?"

Kathleen stroked the sleeping boy's hair gently. "Refusing to leave or see dad so I'm staying with him. He was so brave. Fin said he'll help me get him home."

Olivia looked down at the boy who she had seen into the world and sighed. She only listened to the emergency call once earlier, but she could remember the panic in the little boys voice as she tried to detach herself emotionally from the events which were unravelling; remembered him saying Elliot lost a lot of blood. She knew witnessing something like this was going to stay with him for a long time to come. "He was scared. I heard your dad lost a lot of blood."

Kathleen swallowed but shook her head. "Not as much as initially thought. There's always going to seem more than there is, especially to a seven year old who's worried about his dad."

"Where's your mom?"

"Gone away for the week with her boyfriend. Dad just came back from a two week training course, so he's got Eli so she could have a break. Maureen dropped by but she's on a split shift at Bellevue and went back when we found out he was going to be okay. Dad spoke to the twins on the phone and they're going to drop by later."

Olivia blinked, her mind reeling. There was no recrimination in Kathleen's voice, almost resigned as she was used to being in this situation with Elliot. She hoped she wouldn't have to put Noah through this once, let alone enough times for him to become accustomed with it and be as accepting of it as Kathleen seemed to be. "I heard you made him a grandfather."

"Yeah," Kathleen smiled with motherly pride and pulled her phone out of her pocket and finding a picture of her son. "I named him after you. Well, Oliver instead of Olivia," she told her holding out her phone.

"I'm honoured," Olivia said overwhelmed by the gesture.

Out of all of Elliot's children, Kathleen was the one she felt closest too. She was touched the young woman named her first child after her, wondering what she had done to motivate such a tribute. Olivia took the phone and studied the image Kathleen chose to show her. Elliot holding his blonde haired grandson, both of them beaming identical smiles at the person holding the camera. It was a bittersweet realisation for Olivia as she noted how happy they looked. They had missed so much of each other's lives and she had no idea what coming here was going to accomplish. If nothing else, she had to see that Elliot was okay even if they didn't resolve everything that was unsaid between them.

"He's got the Stabler blues," Olivia breathed out trying to cover the tremor in her voice.

"He does."

"Where is he? I thought he was in the park with your dad."

"Home, my boyfriend Ethan came to pick him up."

"You're not married?"

"No," Kathleen shook her head. "I think Dad would have preferred it if we had, but we had only been seeing each other six months when I found out I was pregnant and I refused point blank before anyone suggested it. Ethan proved himself to Dad though, he came to every appointment, every class and supported me through it. Hence baby number two," she stroked her belly with her free hand.

"Congratulations," Olivia said forlornly, once more thinking of everything she missed after Elliot left without a word.

Outside of their professional partnership they had no obligations tying them to each other but Olivia had come to care about his children and when Elliot walked out of her life, they did to. For a long time Olivia learnt to ignore the heartache caused by Elliot's desertion, pushing it to the back of her mind. She fought it from resurfacing ever since she heard Lucy utter his name earlier, willing it not to resurface, not to let it take over, not let it break her again. He still affected her no matter how hard she fought it.

There was a part of her which hated him for it. Hated him for being able to cause a deep ache in her chest at the mere mention of him. She hated how his selfless act of protecting her son landed him in hospital, hated feeling guilty for something that was beyond her control.

She hated she still caring about him.

"Who's this?" Kathleen asked as she took her phone back as Olivia held it out to her.

"Noah," Olivia said pressing a soft kiss to Noah's head. "I'm hoping to adopt him soon."

Kathleen reached out her free hand to stroke Noah's cheek, brushing one of his locks out of the way to see his face better. "How old is he?"

"Eighteen months," Olivia smiled.

"Same age as Oliver," Kathleen murmured. She sighed wistfully withdrawing her hand. Her eyes met Olivia's uncertainly. "I think Dad will be happy to see him," she said staring at her meaningfully. "He'll be happy to see you."

Olivia bristled and held Noah tighter. "Not sure about that," she whispered into Noah's hair. "I just came to thank him for what he did today. He made it clear a few years ago that he didn't want to talk to me."

Kathleen frowned but she didn't jump to her father's defence. "I don't condone how he left things with you, but I know he regrets it. I also know that no matter what happened he will be happy for you and even happier he got the chance to meet your son."

Olivia was taken aback by the finality to Kathleen's voice, the certainty and confidence in her voice, in her father and his feelings towards her. Eli shifted against Kathleen and his eyes began to flutter, saving Olivia from finding an appropriate response. He lifted up on to his knees and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Neither woman said anything as he blinked lethargically before realising where he was. He looked Olivia over in confusion before settling on Noah.

"Hey, that's Noah," he exclaimed shuffling forward.

"Eli this is Olivia, Noah's mom," Kathleen introduced them. Eli leant into his sisters' side, looking for reassurance as he was overcome with a moment of shyness. "Do you remember me telling about the person I named Oliver after?" He nodded once and Kathleen pointed at Olivia. "This is her."

Eli's widened and Olivia wondered exactly the young boy knew about her because he had been too young to remember her.

"You're Dad's friend?" He asked slightly in awe.

"We used to work together," Olivia answered with a tiny smile.

Eli stared back at her and he reminded her of Elliot when he was figuring something out. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Fin returning to the waiting room.

"Hey Liv, I thought you were still at the house."

"I just wanted to drop in and make sure Elliot was okay before I took Noah home," Olivia replied rising from the chair with Noah in her arms. She studied Fin's face as his eyes softened kindly.

"He's in the room at the end of the hall. You want me to keep an eye on Noah while you go see Elliot?"

Olivia shook her head and tightened her hold on Noah. "It's okay; I'll take him with me." She looked over at Kathleen and Eli. "I'll see you soon."

Without waiting for a response Olivia made her way down the hallway from which Fin emerged. She walked down to the end. She adjusted Noah on her hip. She reached the window to his room and she took a deep breath, willing herself to look. Her eyes slipped shut and her heart pounded. Olivia exhaled shakily, trying to calm her nerves and compose herself before she saw Elliot. She turned to face the window and opened her eyes before she could rethink it.

Elliot's eyes were closed as he reclined against the pillows as the blankets pooled at his waist. Olivia sagged in relief as her observation went unnoticed. Her gaze travelled over him. His hair was greyer, a few more wrinkles. Her eyes dropped lower, down his chest and stopped at the bandage which was taped to his side. Her throat tightened and she huffed out gently, thinking she may have made a mistake by coming here, she had no idea what she wanted to say to him, if there was anything to say at all.

Elliot was asleep. She could slip away without him seeing her. Noah shifted against her and pressed his nose into her neck, his breath brushing over her skin. She glanced down the hallway longingly, wishing she had taken Fin up on his offer. She was about to return to the waiting room when she peeked through the window again only to pause when she saw Elliot staring back at her.

Olivia paused, unable to break away from his penetrating glower. She licked her lips quickly, her mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to break the stare, look away but she couldn't. Instead Elliot did and he eyed Noah, his frown disappearing and his lips lifting gently. He met her eyes again and lifted his hand to beckon her. She held Noah with one arm as she stepped forward, her free hand gripping the door handle and turned it. The door opened and she carried Noah through.

"Hi," Elliot greeted quietly.

**Author Note – Don't you hate cliff hangers? The reunion is going to have to wait a little longer because it deserves a chapter all to itself. Anything you want to tell me? Please leave a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note – I promised to explain that Lucy and Dee aren't to blame for any of this; they actually tell me off for doing stuff like this. **

Healing Wounds – chapter five

The beeping of the monitor resonates in the room. She notes the steady beat quickening since she closed the door and she doesn't know how to react to that. They don't speak, only stare at each other for a long moment, taking the other in, trying to catalogue the changes to their physical appearances which occurred since their last meeting. Other than to thank him, Olivia has no idea what to say to him. She will always be grateful for him being a part of her life but she is still angry with him for leaving without saying goodbye.

His expression is blank as he studies her, giving nothing away. It bothers her because that was one of the first things she learnt when working with him; how to read him. She's always been able to; it's part of their connection.

And now they've lost it.

It's strange because she can still hear his voice when she's interviewing a suspect, listening to a victim, his consolation when she studies crime scene photos. Now it's almost like looking at a stranger when he's anything but.

His eyes are filled with sorrow but they're not haunted like she expected them to be. She feels foolish for assuming they would be; for thinking his emotional demons were to blame for his silence. She feels ashamed for justifying his absence with them, telling herself he needed time to process things before he came to her, telling herself he would eventually find her to explain even if it took years. She has no idea what he's thinking as he stares at her.

"How is he?" Elliot asks with a nod at the sleeping child in her arms.

"He's fine," Olivia replies before kissing Noah's forehead. She feels his eyes watching her closely but she averts her gaze to Noah. He's sleeping comfortably in her arms, she want him to stay that way and hopes this conversation won't disturb him. She presses her cheek to the top of his head and sighs. Olivia lifts her head and meets Elliot's gaze. He's looking at her with a mixture of sadness and longing, and she's not ready to deal with that yet.

"Fin said you were fostering him," Elliot tells her.

There's that raspy edge to his voice she's heard so many times over the years she can almost hear it in her sleep. He doesn't congratulate her and once more she is angry for not being able to read him. She tries to recall the momentary happiness he had the first time she told him about looking into adoption. She remembers his face lighting up before crumbling when she revealed being turned down. She tries to hold on to his fierce claim they were wrong to deny her that opportunity, his resolute confidence in her that she would be a great parent. She's been trying to hold onto that declaration for months while trying to keep the social worker happy, trying to pass their assessments and be prepared for surprise visits.

She can't see that confidence staring back at her as she faces him now.

She blinks to clear her head and raises her chin defiantly against his cold façade, hoping to see a glimmer of the man who stood at her side for more than a decade. The heart monitor beeps faster and she sees his fist clench, the muscles in his forearm tightening, straining as she gives him nothing in return. He wanted this to be easier, she did too, but she couldn't let it be.

"The judge granted my request for adoption. I sign the papers next month."

It's important to her that Elliot knows this even if this announcement isn't important to him. He was the first one she told about her desire to be a part of a family, have one for herself, he knew how important this was to her. She wanted him to know she finally had a family, a son.

His blank expression falters as his eyes soften and her anger rises. She hates how he gets to do this. She hates how with one minute facial expression he can make her want to forgive him, make her want to forget. She hates how one expression reels her back in when she wants to hold onto her ire. Still it's a tiny glimpse of the man she knew and she takes a step towards the bed and sits in the chair beside it without an invitation. She adjusts Noah so he is lying on her lap, his head cradled in the crook of her arm with his face turned towards Elliot so her former partner could see him.

Elliot rolls his head along the top of the pillow to look at her son, studying him. His neutral expression gives way to the beginnings of a small smile, his eyes lighting up.

"I'm happy for you," he offers.

"You are?" Olivia questions. His eyes lift to hers sadly.

"Yeah," he promises thickly. "I know how much, how long you've wanted this. Shoulda happened a long time ago."

Oliver swallows at the certainty she hears, the certainty she craved only moments ago, it sends a shiver down her spine. She pushes back the urge to answer him, instead concentrates on why she came here.

"Thank you for what you did today," she says not breaking eye contact.

"I had no idea he was yours," Elliot replies. He frowns and looks down at Noah. "I had no idea who he was."

And that's what bothered her.

She never thought her son would be a stranger to Elliot.

She never thought Elliot would be a stranger to her or her child.

He didn't know Noah was hers and he should have. He should have been part of their lives, there was a time when she couldn't imagine her life without him.

Elliot had been helping a stranger.

It was a coincedence that it turned out to be her son. He was hurt because of the threat hanging over Noah's head.

"You would have done it for anyone," she states. "It didn't matter if you knew he was mine."

"If I had known he was yours, I would have brought him to you," Elliot replies his voice rising out of frustration. His heart beats faster and he glares at the offending machine for giving him away.

"Would you?" Her eyes flash defiantly.

Elliot recoils slightly but he doesn't break her gaze. "Yes," he rasps determinedly.

Olivia sees his apology but she wants to hear it. Noah shifts in her arms and her head drops to check on him, rocking him gently in hopes he will stay asleep. His eye lids flutter before he settles again, twisting towards her and began to snore gently. She strokes her thumb along his cheek, hoping his serenity will calm her.

"Why are they after him?" Elliot asks, breaking her focus.

Olivia lifts her head, licking her lips quickly. "His mother was green lit by the gang pimping her out. She was about to testify when she got nervous about it. She went looking for a fix and they found her."

She pauses, remembering the smell of burning flesh, not wanting to elaborate on the horror in front of Noah even if he was asleep. Elliot would understand the details she was purposefully leaving out, would understand the particularly gruesome end that Ellie endured, he can imagine what they did to someone who was testifying against them.

"I have no idea what they have against a baby; it's more a warning to back off. We found them, thought it was over but for the last few weeks…" She trails off, thinking of the warning they'd received from an anonymous tip which they investigated and found nothing to corroborate it till this afternoon.

"How come he's with you?"

"I found him on an unrelated bust. We didn't find Ellie till months later so he was put in the system and was passed back and forth between foster homes. Apparently I was the only person who consistently showed concern for him, the only one who kept checking on him. When Ellie died, the judge asked me if I would consider taking him in."

"And you said yes," Elliot surmised, he's irritated, worried.

"I did. Ellie wanted him to know he was loved, she didn't want him to have the same start in life she had. I wanted to make sure her final wish was granted." Elliot sighs and looks away. "Why are you annoyed by that?" She asks.

"You're putting yourself at risk."

"And what would you have done Elliot?" She asks but he doesn't respond so she continues. "You would have done the same. You, above everyone else, understand why I did what I did, why I'm doing this." Elliot doesn't speak just huffs out a breath in resignation and nods his head. He looks like he wants to say something but he holds back. "What?" Olivia asks him.

"I'm worried about you."

Olivia tightens her hold on Noah and rises from the chair quickly. "Thank you for what you did today, I'm sorry you were hurt but I'm not doing this with you, not again."

She manages to make it to the door when she hears him pushing aside the blankets on his bed and moving after her. He makes a strangled sound deep in his throat and she turns to find him lurched forward, half lying, half sitting at the edge of the bed, his hand clutching the bandage at his side. Olivia strode back to his side, holding Noah with hand and her free hand reaching out to help him back onto the bed. His legs swing up and slide in between the mattress and blankets. He flopped back on to the pillows with grunt as she rearranged the blankets over him.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asks out of concern, expecting the requisite stubborn answer. He nods and waves her hands away. She sighs. "When are they releasing you?"

"In a few days, as long as there aren't any complications," Elliot gasps and struggles to reach for the cup of water on the table that's beside the bed. Olivia takes pity on him and hands it to him. He sips and she places it back on the table when he's done.

"I'm sorry." She's apologising for the wound in his side, for the trauma his youngest son has been put through, for the potential threat now that he's involved. Now that he's safely back in she should leave, but her feet don't move.

"It's not your fault Liv," Elliot replies averts his eyes.

"I saw Eli outside. He's refusing to see you?" Olivia asks him softly.

"He's scared. He's not used to it; he isn't old enough to remember my injuries from the job."

He says it casually, trying to brush it off, assuage her guilt. She watches Elliot scrubs a hand over his stubble covered jaw as he looks to the door and down the hall towards the waiting room, towards his youngest son, his pregnant daughter. He's concerned about that too, wants to see with his own eyes that his son is safe. Eli's refusal is poignant of how the attack has affected him and he wants nothing but to reassure him he's going to be fine.

"But Kathleen is," Olivia argues back. "She's so calm and she shouldn't be. Congratulations on becoming a grandfather by the way." She doesn't mean it as a jibe, doesn't mention the tribute his child made to her. But he takes it that way.

"She didn't tell me about his name till she placed him in my arms. I can't think of anyone better to name him after. Kathleen's missed you." He waits a beat. "I missed you."

Olivia shakes her head and shifts from one foot to the other. "Let's not do this."

She refuses to admit missing him, even though they both know it's true. There's a sting in her heart that it's taken a coincidence for them to meet again. He's known how to find her, knows where she's been all this time and he still hasn't sought her out.

"I'm worried about you," Elliot repeats heavily.

"You lost the right to worry about me when you walked away without a word." Her chin juts out defiantly. While every fibre of her being is telling her to walk away she doesn't because she wants to hear his response, if he has one.

"I'm sorry," he offers.

It's forced and reignites her rage, as if it's somehow her fault, like he blames her. She doesn't know what she wanted his response to be but that wasn't it, and she can't listen to his explanation, not now. They could never go back to the way things were before and she wasn't sure if she could accept any explanation he had to offer even if he wanted to tell her and it was clear he wasn't going to readily talk to her about this if she was.

"Me too," she admits as she turns on her heel a walks out of his room.

**Author Note 2: for good? I want to know what you're thinking right now…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note - I just want to say you're all incredible and your responses have been astoundingly overwhelming, I love you all. **

Healing Wounds – chapter six

Olivia held onto Noah tightly as she headed towards the waiting room. She didn't look back, ignored Elliot as he called her name once before the door closed behind her. She desperately needed a moment to calm down but that would have to wait as she approached the waiting room. Her chest heaved against Noah and she dropped her head to look at his face. She had no idea how he was still dozing with all of the jostling and raised voices. She huffed lightly and resolutely continued down the hall, not wanting to reveal the effect he still had on her.

She wanted to storm out, wanted to insist on taking Noah home. She knew that would be impossible as soon as she realised Dickie and Lizzie had arrived and Fin was off to the side talking to two men in suits. She caught Fin's eye over the shoulder of one of the men but he looked away, silently signalling for her not to interrupt yet, he was handling it. Instead Kathleen caught her eye and beckoned her over to where she and Lizzie were standing while Dickie crouched in front of Eli who was emphatically shaking his head at whatever his older brother told him.

"I don't wanna see Dad," he argued loudly.

"Dad wants to see you," Dickie argued back. Olivia could hear the frustration in the younger man's voice. He was trying not to scare Eli but he was losing his patience with his little brother. Stubborn and impatient, just like their father.

She didn't want to interfere but they becoming loud and were drawing the attention of staff and others in the waiting room. She joined the small group and while Dickie threw her a small nod of recognition which wasn't entirely welcoming, Lizzie beamed at her.

"Hi Olivia, how's Dad?" She said as she reached an arm around Olivia's back in an awkward attempt at a side embrace to avoid crushing Noah.

"He's awake," Olivia said uncomfortably and Elliot's three older children picked up on her tone, deciding to look away instead of questioning her. "You're going to see him," she said. It was a statement not a question. This time it was Dickie who answered her.

"Yeah and we're gonna take Eli in," he said firmly concentrating on his little brother, commanding rather than asking.

"I'm not going," Eli responded loudly. He was quick as he lifted his feet to the edge of the seat and pushed himself up, spinning as he did so he could scramble over the back of the chairs to the other part of the waiting room. He managed to land on his bottom on one the chairs before Dickie was able to reach over to grab him. He lifted Eli who flailed his arms and legs, trying to squirm out of his grasp while shouting at him. "No, I don't want to go. He's going to be mad at me."

"Dad's not going to be mad at you Eli," Kathleen told him tiredly as he still struggled against Dickie and Lizzie went to help her twin try to soothe their youngest sibling.

Out of concern Olivia eyed the pregnant woman. Her hand rubbed her baby bump and she looked exhausted and harassed. Olivia's brow knotted with worry; she had been the vision of calm when Olivia left to talk to Elliot. Kathleen looked quickly over at Fin and the men with a scowl, Olivia followed her line of sight and saw one of them glance back. Kathleen huffed and resolutely looked back at her family. Dickie managed to sit on the chair and was holding Eli as he gave up his struggle and sobbed while Lizzie joined the embrace, comforting both of them.

Reaching out her free hand, Olivia touched Kathleen's forearm and before grasping her hand supportively. Kathleen squeezed it back, offering a watery smile as she took a small step towards Olivia and wiping away a stray tear which escaped. Together they stepped forward and Olivia cleared her throat.

"Eli," she said softly but not without authority.

Eli let out another sob, then a hiccup. His head tilted away from Dickie's shoulder to look up at her, an errant blonde lock falling over his eye and he hastily pushed it away. He looked up at her sadly and her heart broke for him. He was petrified and this was only just the beginning of the after effects of the harrowing attack had on the little boy, she wanted to make this all go away for him, for all of them but she couldn't. So she settled for trying to help him with this problem because she knew Elliot needed to see him, just like she needed to see Noah to make sure he was okay.

"Why do you think your Dad will be mad at you?"

He tensed in Dickie's arms but his brother tightened his hold on him. He stared at her wearily, cautiously as his fingers curled into Dickie's shoulder. Dickie grunted from the grip Eli had though he didn't let go or verbalise the pain.

Olivia blinked back at the child she saw into this world and realised she was a stranger to him. Just like Elliot was to Noah. He wasn't sure of her and after today she knew earning his trust would be difficult despite the fact his sisters and brother knew her; she wondered how he would react to finding out the reason for the attack.

"He's going to be mad that I wasn't able to stop the bleeding," his voice is tiny and hesitant.

"You helped him Eli, I know it may not seem like it right now but your Dad is alive because you were able to get help, because you did what the operator on the phone told you to do. You saved his life Eli."

Eli looked doubtful as his fingers loosened their grip on Dickie. He sniffed. "Is the blood all gone now?"

Olivia nodded. "It is," she promised. "The doctors were able to stop it."

"They were?"

"Yeah. Your Dad is worried about you and I think he'd feel better if he saw you were okay."

"He would?" Olivia fought to keep the smile from her face at the hope in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure all he needs is a big hug from you right now. Why don't you go in with Lizzie and Dickie and see for yourself?"

Eli thought for a moment then nodded shyly against Dickie's shoulder. Almost instantly Dickie was pushing off of the chair with Eli in his arms. The young man looked at her gratefully but he didn't smile or thank her just carried his brother down the hallway towards their fathers' room before Eli could change his mind again. Lizzie followed dutifully. Olivia watched them till they reached Elliot's room and pushed through the door. Her heart lifted, knowing Elliot would feel better to see Eli.

Kathleen squeezed her hand again and when Olivia turned to her she was shocked to see the young woman crying. Now that her siblings were gone Kathleen curled into Olivia's shoulder. Olivia hoisted Noah awkwardly as she wrapped her free arm around the trembling pregnant woman. This quick change in attitude with Kathleen and wondered what the cause was. Over her shoulder Olivia saw Fin and the two men with him looking at them in interest. It was only then did Olivia see the US Marshal shields clipped to their belts alongside their service weapons.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so angry," Kathleen mumbled as she lifted an arm to help Olivia support Noah.

"At what?" Olivia asked making eye contact with Fin who looked half way between concerned and furious.

"He promised he was just training recruits," Kathleen replied.

"I don't understand."

"Dad," Kathleen clarified. "He's been undercover for the last three weeks, there was no training course."

"Who told you that?"

"The men who are talking to Fin. My Dad works with them," Kathleen said flatly. "They didn't actually say he was undercover, they said there could be connection with their case. He's been away, what else could that mean?"

Olivia squeezed her gently, soothingly even though she understood her anger; at the men watching them, at the man down the hallway for hiding this from his family. She thought this kind of thing was behind Elliot, obviously his family had too. There was a chance Kathleen was wrong but Olivia doubted it from Fin's expression. He was pissed. Dread filled her stomach. That dread quickly turned to fury as she realised Elliot hadn't told her this may not be about Noah after all.

Kathleen pulled away, blinking and wiping the corner of her eye. She folded her arms over her protruding bump awkwardly, self-consciously. Olivia gestured to the recently vacated chairs and Kathleen slumped down out of exhaustion.

Kathleen pointedly looked at Noah. "Do you want to lie him down?"

Olivia didn't want to because his presence was keeping her calm and preventing her from expressing her ire. He was becoming heavy in her arms and she didn't want to face the US Marshalls while carrying him. She shuffled forward and lowered him to lie on the seat next to Kathleen. He sighed in his sleep and rolled away from her. His pacifier slipped out and Olivia reached down and lifted it to touch his lip. He opened his mouth and accepted it, sucking on it a few times before settling again.

Kathleen's lips lifted at the sight and Olivia knew she was missing her own little boy, which was why Olivia didn't stop her when she reached out and stroked a finger along Noah's cheek before placing her arm over him protectively. Kathleen's face lifted and nodded deliberately at Fin approaching with the US Marshalls.

"I'll keep an eye on him, I don't want to talk to them right now," Kathleen said.

"Thank you, this won't take long."

"Sergeant Benson," the first one greeted solemnly before Fin could make introductions. He held out his hand to her. "Agent Foster, this is Agent Maxwell." He gestured to his partner.

Olivia cautiously shook his hand. "You work with Elliot," she stated sternly. It didn't faze either man as they didn't look shocked.

"And you used to," Foster answered coolly. "He mentioned you from time to time. Said you are the best."

Olivia didn't react to the bait, schooling her features as she straightened her posture, raising her shoulders in an effort to combat his attempt to catch her off guard and use it against her while they discussed jurisdiction. As far as Olivia saw, it wasn't either of theirs until the suspects were identified and linked to their open investigations. It happened in the park, so it was their case and they had her full support if they needed it. She didn't want the agents muscling in and pushing her out, especially if it turned out to involve Noah.

"They want access to our files Serge," Fin offered heavily.

"It could pertain to our investigation," Maxwell said defensively stepping in front of Fin.

Fin flashed a smirk at Olivia which went unseen by the agents. He backed off anyway, not rising to the intimidation or blocking. Olivia stood her ground against the bullying tactics though, knowing Fin would step if she needed him to but he would let her show she was in charge by staying out of it till then. Unlike the majority men she encountered on the job, he let his female colleagues show their strength rather than interfering 'protectively'. It was one of the reasons she liked working with him.

"We believe this afternoon's assault could be linked to our investigation. So unless you can provide me with proof it's connected to yours, you won't have access. What makes you think Elliot's undercover assignment is connected to this?"

"Who said Agent Stabler was undercover?" Foster countered with twinkle when Olivia flinched at the use of 'agent'. He continued smoothly when neither officer offered an answer. "Your investigation is linked to the gang which pimped out and killed your foster son's biological mother." He paused.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, wondering how he knew those details, where he'd gotten that information, what snooping they'd done before arriving at the hospital. She shifted to the side to put herself between him and Noah,. Foster ignored her silent warning and continued. "You're personally involved in your investigation; I would hate to lodge a complaint with your boss because you're obstructing a federal investigation."

"How can I obstruct something when I don't know the details?" Olivia fired back. Arguing with him was futile; knowing a complaint to Dodds would mean she could be taken off of the case, giving the Deputy Chief the ammunition he needed to get rid of her. So she tried a different tactic. Lowering her voice, softening it she continued. "The park precinct are investigating the attack, it's neither of ours till they find the perps. If they do, they've got nothing so far," she stressed. "All I'm asking is that we both agree to an exchange of information if the two cases turn out to be connected."

To his credit Foster considered her offer even though he didn't look particular thrilled about the idea. After a moment he exhaled loudly and exchanged a look with Maxwell who quirked an eyebrow before Foster nodded once to Olivia. She didn't trust them to divulge everything but she would take what she could get. Foster looked at his watch.

"It's getting late and I don't want to keep you from putting your son to bed. We need to talk to Stabler before we leave, we'll be at your office in the morning to go over any possible overlaps in our cases."

Without waiting for Olivia to agree they walked past her, dismissing her as they walked down the hall towards Elliot's room. Foster knocked once before pushing the door open. Olivia had no idea how Elliot could work with them. She knew what reception waited them now that they interrupted time with his children. She would have felt sorry for them if she wasn't annoyed with them or Elliot.

**Author Note – did anyone expect that? I would love to know what you're thinking right now so please don't hesitate to leave a review. **


	7. Chapter 7

Healing Wounds – chapter seven

Elliot looked up as someone appeared in the doorway of his room. Hoping Olivia had come back, even if it was just to yell at him Elliot looked up in anticipation but he wasn't surprised when he saw Dickie carrying Eli. Elliot sat up gingerly as Dickie approached the bed, cautiously deciding where to put his little brother. Lizzie followed her brothers, craning her head around them to check on her father with her own eyes as she pushed the door shut.

"How are you feeling Dad?" She asked as she studied the big bandage taped to his side.

"I'll be fine Lizzie," he told her and lifted his arms to take Eli from Dickie.

His oldest son looked doubtful as he looked between him and Eli. Elliot didn't know if it was about his injuries or Eli's reluctance to see him. He wondered what prompted Eli's quick change of mind. He studied his youngest child; the red rimmed eyes, the tears which he had yet to wipe from his face. Eli was shy and awkward, refusing to make eye contact. It was like a punch to the gut and he tried not to physically recoil away from his child as he gestured with his hands to Dickie to hand Eli over regardless of how the boy reacted, it would only make things worse if they forced to do something he didn't want to do. Dickie looked uncertain and tightened his grip on Eli as he started to lower him. Elliot frowned and slipped his hands around his youngest, pulling him closer.

"He's a flight risk Dad," Dickie warned as he deposited Eli on Elliot's lap.

Elliot sighed as he pulled Eli to him, ignoring the twinge from his side as he did so. It didn't matter to him, he just needed to make sure his son was okay, make sure Eli knew he was okay. Eli was shaking lightly but he didn't make try to break free from Elliot, just burrowed his head into his father's shoulder, refusing to look anywhere else. His arms wound tightly around Elliot's neck but Elliot didn't care about it. All that mattered was Eli was fine physically. His clinginess wasn't a surprise and Elliot would have expected anyone to react this way in the same situation.

"Hey Buddy," Elliot soothed into Eli's ear. "I'm going to be fine." Eli sniffled and pressed closer to him, burying his head into the crook of Elliot's shoulder. Elliot patted his back but didn't say anything else to him. He didn't want to push him.

"When are they letting you home?" Lizzie asked as she perched on the bed by his feet.

"Hopefully in a few days. Who's going to look after Eli?"

"We're going to stay at your apartment with him. Mom said she would come home but we told her to stay because you said Doctor was optimistic. You're probably going to be out of here by the time she gets home anyway," Dickie replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"And I'm going to stay with you till you're healed," Lizzie added.

Elliot wanted to argue but knew it would be no use; they were as stubborn as he was more so if he was honest with himself, so he nodded his consent then frowned as the twins shared a worried look. He wasn't oblivious to the tension in the room or the situation, he knew they were worried about him.

"What?"

Lizzie shared another quick look with her twin and Dickie replied with an eye roll and a disinterested wave at Elliot, silently giving her the go ahead to explain. Her lips flattened into a straight line. None of his children were shy but there were certain subjects they refrained from discussing, he knew them well enough to know Lizzie was about to say. He's torn over between which twin he would have chosen to speak, while Lizzie is probably the more tactile, diplomatic of the two, sometimes he preferred Dickie's direct approach and honesty. She opens her mouth, tentatively clearing her throat with a soft cough.

"We saw Olivia outside," she offered.

"She convinced Eli to come and see you," Dickie added.

Whereas his sister seemed apologetic, Dickie was provoking, waiting for Elliot's reaction. Elliot tried to remain stoic but Dickie's comment didn't surprise him. He knew Olivia wouldn't be able to stop herself from consoling Eli if he was upset, it was part of who she was. Elliot hoped it was for him as well as Eli, but he doubted it after the way he betrayed her. He pushed her away too many times to be able to expect anything like that from her. His children, however, were another matter. They weren't responsible for his actions and she would never hold that against them. He knew she would understand if he ever gathered the courage to explain his actions and the four years of absence, even if she never forgave him.

"Her little boy is cute," Lizzie said with a twitch of her lips.

"Yeah," Elliot agreed. "How is she?"

The question made them pause and share another hesitant look. He couldn't help asking about her, he needed to know. For years he hoped his children were oblivious to his unintentional reaction to Olivia. Maybe he was the oblivious one for not realising they knew exactly how he felt when he hadn't been sure how he felt about her. They knew how the revelations about Noah would affect him. He had no idea what he had done to deserve understanding children.

This time Dickie was the braver of the two. "She's talking to your colleagues," he said accusingly. "Some guys named Foster and Maxwell."s

Elliot's forehead knitted in confusion. "What are they doing here?"

"They seem to think the attack was to do with your investigation rather than Noah and Lucy," Lizzie replied folding her arms over her chest.

Elliot grimaced and silently cursed them for coming to the hospital, for informing his children about his assignment. He knew he should have been more forthcoming with them but they had been worried about the prospect of him joining the US Marshalls as a trainer let alone taking on assignments, he couldn't bring himself to tell them about the only assignment they'd asked him to do because they needed a new face. He shot a wary glance at the door. They were talking to Olivia. He could only imagine her reaction.

"I'm sorry," he offered, sounding just as forced and as empty as the apology he gave Olivia minutes ago and he knew it wasn't nearly enough. Eli squeezed his arms, shaking lightly. Elliot rubbed his back.

"You promised," Lizzie started but stopped when Dickie started laughing. She turned on her twin with a disgruntled frown. "Why are you laughing?"

Dickie just raised one hand to his mouth and waved the other as he tried to regain control of his laughter but another chuckle escaped him. He tried but failed to look apologetically at his sister, her responding scowl sending him into another fit of laughter.

"I'm glad this is one big joke to you," she fumed and turned back to Elliot.

Dickie barely managed to reign in the laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm just thinking of how Kathleen's gonna be when she gets in here," he laughed again. "She's pissed, and now Olivia knows." he sighed. "You're one brave man Dad."

Lizzie shook her head at her brother's joke but she couldn't help a little twitch of her lip as she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the support Dickie," Elliot deadpanned.

"You're welcome," his eldest son shot back. At least one of his children could see the funny side of all of this. "Seriously going to be a lot fun watching you try to get out of this. I gotta say Dad, judging from Olivia's expression, you've got a helluva way with the ladies."

Elliot said nothing. He had no answer for it. He knew they deserved an apology, but he couldn't find the right words. If their roles were reversed he couldn't imagine any explanation that could justify this, any of it. She had a right to be angry, so did his children. There was no way he could talk to Olivia right now unless she chose to come back but he doubted she would do so voluntarily; he would have to find her after he left the hospital, it was the least he could do. All he could do right now was focus on his children. There were so many questions going through his head and the pain killers were starting to wear off and he couldn't properly concentrate, so he just gripped Eli tighter. His youngest snuggled closer and his head lulled heavily on his shoulder, his blonde locks brushing Elliot's cheek. His breathing evened out and Elliot allowed himself to relax as he heard a faint snore emanating from Eli.

"How's your sister?" Elliot asked.

"Stressed," Lizzie replied bluntly. "It's not good for her or the baby."

"I didn't plan for this to happen," Elliot defended.

"We're not blaming you for being hurt. We just wanted you to be honest with us," Lizzie said softly but just as vehemently as before.

Elliot was about to reply when he was cut off by an abrupt knock and the door opening. He looked over to see Foster and Maxwell enter and look at the twins before eyeing the slumbering child in Elliot's arms.

"Stabler," Foster greeted.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot growled.

"We heard you were attacked and we wanted to check everything was okay," Maxwell interjected derisively, unaffected by Elliot's warning.

"I'm fine, I'm with my _children_," Elliot countered.

"We can wait," Foster agreed but neither of them made any attempt to leave. Foster leant against the wall opposite Elliot while Maxwell sat in an empty chair in the corner.

Elliot sighed. He didn't want to do this in front of Dickie and Lizzie, didn't want to risk waking Eli. He didn't want a fight, especially if it meant they were in the middle of it. He looked to the twins, willing them to understand the position he was in, willing them to trust him to be honest with them as soon as he could. Dickie took his not so subtle hint and stepped forward.

"Don't worry Dad, we should get Eli home anyway. We'll see you tomorrow," he said lifting Eli into his arms.

"Thanks, do you need the keys to my place?"

"No I've got mine," Lizzie replied. She stood and stared at the men. "If this turns out to be linked to your investigation do you need to speak to Eli?"

Foster looked up in surprise at the boldness of the young woman. He seemed confused for a moment as he looked between her and Eli. "We'll arrange that with your Dad."

Lizzie huffed in reply and bent to kiss Elliot's cheek. "Goodnight Dad, we'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too. Make sure your brother behaves," Elliot told her.

"We will Dad," Dickie agreed holding the door open for his sister.

"I was talking about you," Elliot shot back making Lizzie snicker and for the first time a true smile formed on her face.

"Always with the jokes, huh? You're funny now, wait till Kathleen gets in here," Dickie shot him a smirk and a wave before walking through the door. "Night Dad."

The door clicked shut and Elliot focused on his colleagues. "Was that necessary?"

"Probably not," Maxwell answered with disinterest. "We wanted to talk to you before we speak to your old partner in the morning."

"Why do you need to talk to Liv?" Both of them looked up at the familiar nickname, the soft yet guarded tone Elliot couldn't help but use every time he uttered it.

"We need to know why you were attacked," Maxwell answered. "It could be linked-"

"I know what it could be linked to!" Elliot cut in. "Do they know?"

"Not yet, that's why we're meeting them in the morning."

Elliot bobbed his head, taking a moment to adjusting the blanket over his lap, pulling it higher. "Even if the cases aren't linked I want Liv to interview Eli, no one else." Foster looked like he was about to argue but Elliot shook his head before he could and he continued in a tone which broke no argument. "Liv talks to him, I trust her not to scare him anymore than he already is. She'll get him to open up and get more out of him than you can. I'll only consent to her doing it without me being there."

"Alright, your old partner talks to him," Maxwell agreed. He straightened his posture, sticking his hands in the pockets of his suit trousers. "You recognise them?"

"No, barely saw them. They rushed us, I didn't realise till they were crashing into us." Elliot shook his head at his inability to recognise the situation; he should've been able to protect his children. "I don't know if it's connected," he sighed.

"Let's hope it's not," Foster commented. "Otherwise the whole investigation is blown."

"I know," Elliot agreed.

"We'll leave you for tonight, talk to you after we find out more from your old unit."

"If I'm with my kids, you wait outside. They come first. You had no right to do that."

Maxwell held his stern gaze, nodding once after a long moment. He was an okay guy once you got past the bullying tactics he used when there was a case which required them to join forces with other law enforcement. Foster on the other hand looked at everything like one big pissing contest.

"We'll call," Maxwell said and without another word they left Elliot alone with his thoughts.

He sagged back onto the pillow, expelling the breath he'd been holding. Pain seared through the hole in his side and he looked down to see the pink seeping through the bandage. He knew the nurse would be in to change it soon so he didn't buzz for anyone. He just needed some time alone; time to think; time to process the day's events, the revelations; time to figure out a way to explain.

…

Olivia sat with Kathleen in the waiting room, watching her stroke Noah's hair. His nose wrinkled as a strand of his hair fell across it and Kathleen laughed sleepily and used her index finger to move it. Olivia smiled at the young woman.

"His hair is getting long," Olivia said.

"But you don't want to cut it," Kathleen answered for her.

"Yeah," Olivia breathed out.

"I'm the same with Oliver, Ethan wants to cut it but I refuse to let that happen just yet. As long as it can be swept out of his eyes and he can see, he's fine."

Olivia studied the young woman. She was amazed Kathleen had made Elliot a grandfather, and she was going to do it a second time. She looked exhausted but was keeping it together. Her other hand rested on her extended belly, stroking it.

"Are you okay Kathleen?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "I'm tired of all of this. Dad promised he was done with field work."

Olivia crossed her legs, protectively folding her arms over them. She looked over at the entrance which Fin had left through nearly ten minutes ago to go back to the precinct to prepare for the meeting tomorrow morning. When she glanced back at Kathleen she found the young woman staring at her. Olivia cleared her throat.

"Your father hates sitting still. He wouldn't find training as fulfilling as being part of an investigation."

"So he did this because he was bored?" Kathleen asked rhetorically.

"I'm sure he's got a good reason," Olivia sighed.

"You don't have to defend him, you know."

Olivia looked away. "It's not about defending him, and it's not about whatever happened between him and me. He cares about the victims and he would do anything he could to get justice for them. What I'm saying is there is a good reason for him to take this assignment. He probably didn't want to worry you while you were pregnant." Kathleen nodded. "He's a good man Kathleen, he proved that earlier when he helped Lucy and Noah."

"I know that," Kathleen whispered. "I think they're lucky Dad didn't know Noah was your son." She looked down at Noah and brushed the back of her finger along his cheek. "I kinda freaked out about my meds when I found out I was pregnant and if they would harm Oliver. I was so scared I was going to hurt him, but Dad got me through it. Dad was calm and he researched it for me, came with me to talk to my doctor and he changed my prescription to something safer for Oliver, and I don't breast feed. He was amazing."

"That sounds like your father."

"I thought he would have panicked because of Grandma but he didn't, he was a rock, my rock," she sighed wistfully. "After I gave birth, Ethan was making phone calls telling everyone, Mom was helping him and Dad sat with me. I placed Oliver in his arms and told him his name," Kathleen sniffled, smiling ruefully at the memory. "He tried to hide it but I saw a tear and he said he couldn't think of anyone better for Oliver to be named after."

"It's an honour," Olivia said reaching out to touch her hand. Kathleen's hand turned under hers and their palms met and fingers intertwined, clasping tightly.

"I've missed you," Kathleen told her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For losing touch, I could've tried to get Dad to talk to you, I could've talked to you…"

"You can come to me whenever you need to and I will do my best to help you, and that will never change, but it isn't your place to get involved between me and your father. There was nothing you could've done except been there for your father with everything he was going through."

"I could've been there for you too."

"I was fine," Olivia lied, looking down the hallway.

"No you weren't," Kathleen replied. She waited a beat, continuing when Olivia didn't respond. "I know you weren't, because Dad wasn't."

Before Olivia could respond, Dickie and Lizzie emerged from Elliot's room. "They basically kicked us out," Dickie said jerking a thumb in the direction of the room. Olivia rolled her eyes, inwardly groaning at what the morning would involve.

"You guys ready to go?" Kathleen asked as they drew closer. They nodded tiredly. Kathleen turned to Olivia, smiling sadly. "I'm sorry this wasn't under better circumstances," she said reaching over and hugging the older woman awkwardly with the sleeping child between them.

"Me too," Olivia said as she stood and Kathleen slid out from under Noah as gently as she could without rousing him.

Olivia lifted Noah to her shoulder. Holding him with one hand she pulled out a business card. "If you guys need anything, don't hesitate to call." They all nodded.

"We'll walk you to your car," Dickie said, ordering rather than offering.

Lizzie took the card and pulled out her phone, typing a quick message as they headed for the exit, unwilling to wait around any longer now that everyone had seen Elliot. Olivia's phone beeped and she checked it to see a message from a new number. She looked up to see Lizzie looking at her.

"Now you have all of our numbers," she explained. "If you need us."

"I'll call you in the morning with to tell you how we're progressing," Olivia promised.

**Author Note – I'm back after a few weeks off and I hope you're still with me and enjoying the story. I've got a few chapters ready to go but I'm not going to post all at once. If you have a few moments please let me know any thoughts you have, either in a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	8. Chapter 8

Healing Wounds – chapter eight

"Liv's gone home?" Nick asked as he paused in front of the sergeants' office. Amanda looked up; her pen paused on the form in front of her.

"Hello to you too," she said before turning back to the paperwork. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Nick move over to his desk and hang his jacket over the back of his chair and open his drawer to secure his gun. "Yeah she's gone for the night, dropping by at the hospital before-"

The draw slammed shut.

Amanda flinched before glaring over at Nick. She knew the subject of Olivia's former partner was still one of contention and anguish for the older woman and for Nick. They rarely spoke of the unexplained, unexpected, abrupt departure that caused ripples in their early partnership and when anyone brought it up it was usually met with a strained and heavy silence. Amanda realised Nick was just being protective but in her opinion neither of them knew the full story.

"He was a witness, now he's a victim. She has to talk to him Nick," Amanda told him. "I know you don't like that, but you don't have to act the way you are."

"I never said anything," Nick argued back, his arms spread defensively but his voice rose.

He was right, Amanda reasoned, he had not actually spoken out about the situation but he clearly had a problem with it. He also hadn't refused any order Olivia gave him, just defensive and moody.

"I know you're not going to like the guy." Nick growled low in his throat and turned away from her but she wasn't going to be deterred from talking to him about this. "All I'm saying is for him to step in like that for a stranger says a lot about him, don't ya think?"

"So you think he's a good guy all of a sudden? After the way he treated Liv," Nick pulled his chair out and spun towards her.

She doesn't let his aggressive actions scare her as she makes eye contact, holding his gaze defiantly. She breathes steadily, refusing to rise to his provocative words, trying to figure out how to reason with him. "I think we don't know the entire story, we weren't here then and we don't know what happened. Liv cared about him. It's obvious she still does. I think that alone says a lot about him."

He looked at her doubtfully, surprised by her calmness in the face of his anger.

"I don't get how he could abandon her," Nick admitted.

"But that's none of our business," Amanda said signing her name at the bottom of her form and slips it into the right folder for the morning. She opens her bottom drawer and slides it inside before turning the key in the lock to secure it. She grabs her coat as she straightens, twirling it around her and slipping her arms through the sleeves. "I think we need to ignore any presumptions we have of their situation and deal with the investigation."

"Like you're one to talk," Nick shoots back.

Amanda pauses with her hands on the lapels of her coat. She looks at him sharply, her eyes flashing angrily. They're alone in the squad, and she's glad no one is around to witness this conversation. Nick's fury dissipates as he realises his mistake. He opens his mouth to apologise but she shakes her head as she finishes adjusting her coat then shouldering her bag.

"Don't-"

"Amanda-" Nick starts but she shakes her head again making her way for the exit only to stop when she sees Fin entering.

"Am I interrupting?" Fin asks, looking between them.

"I'm just heading home," Amanda replied after a beat, focusing on her partner while wondering if he heard anything. His face was blank and she hoped he only sensed an atmosphere. She trusted Fin not to call them out or mention it to anyone else.

Fin looked doubtful as he did a double take between them. Nick didn't offer anything just stepped back, his whole demeanour changing, backing down, and surrendering.

"Any developments?" Fin asked moving to his desk and hanging his coat on his chair.

"The Desk Sergeant from the park rang, they found clothes matching the dispatch description dumped by a bin not far from the playground exit," Amanda answered. "They did have canine units search the area but they lost the scent in the subway. Since it's been hours they called off the search and patrols have been briefed on their description."

Fin bobbed his head. "They got anything we can work with?"

"Yeah, they found them on one of the cameras around the playground and sent them over for us to show the vic-" Amanda cut off when Fin looked up sharply. "I mean show Elliot and Eli for an ID. They're running 'em through the database and I emailed you a copy," Amanda told him. "How's Elliot?"

"He'll live," Fin scoffed. "His colleagues are coming by in the morning. They want to know if there's any link our investigations."

"What?" Nick asked stepping forward.

"Elliot's been UC for the US Marshalls and they're worried his cover was blown."

Nick raised his eyebrows in surprise, his hands lifting to rest on his hips. "Really?"

"Yeah," Fin replied.

"That could be a good thing," Amanda said. Both men looked at her, and she struggled to explain. "I mean it's a good thing because it might not be about Noah after all. He'll be safe, so will Liv." Both men considered her reasoning before relenting with a nod.

"Well, they'll be here in the morning to exchange details."

"Liv agreed to that?" Nick asked doubtfully.

"Didn't have much choice," Fin replied bluntly.

"How is she?" Amanda asked.

"Worried, she took Noah home to bed."

No more words were spoken as Fin pulled out a folder from his inbox. Amanda kept her gaze on him, refusing to look at Nick who was trying to catch her gaze. Fin leant over his desk, but twisted his head towards her. His eyes were less tormented than they were a moment ago, softer.

"Go home and get some rest because we all need to be back first thing." Amanda shot him a small smile for the quiet dismissal. Then Fin smirked. "We all know what your timekeeping's like."

"I won't be late," Amanda replied with a roll of her eyes. "Goodnight guys."

Not waiting for a reply she turned on her heel and walked out of the squad room. Her ears keenly listen in case either man said anything more, either to her or each other. She rounded the corner to elevator when she heard Fin speak.

…

"Liv needs your support not sulking," Fin told Nick. He looked over his shoulder at the younger man, watching him grimace. It wasn't his place to get involved but it wasn't Nick's either. Liv and Noah's safety was their number one priority and everything else came second.

"I just don't like the guy," Nick replied leaning on his desk watching Fin.

"You don't know him." Fin turned and mirrored Nick posture.

"You do. Do you like him?"

Fin pursed his lips, straightened his before folding his arms across his chest. He was about to break a personal rule, but maybe some insight would help Nick deal with whatever problems he had. They needed to get over any personal issues they had with others involved.

"I'm not the guys' biggest fan. He and I had our fair share of problems but he was a good cop, good with victims, good at working with Liv," he paused meaningfully. Though his eyes narrowed Nick held his stare, silently willing him to continue. "But, man, they could fight." Fin let out a low whistle at the memory. "I learnt quickly to stay out of it," Fin said meaningfully.

Nick frowned at the advice. Liv was his partner, a good friend. She was like a sister, and she was in good place after the emotional rollercoaster of the last eighteen months. He didn't want anything to disrupt that. He didn't want Elliot to break her heart again.

"Look, what would you say if he'd been a stranger who helped Lucy and Noah?"

Nick sighed and pushed his hands into his pockets. "That he was a decent guy," he reluctantly admitted.

"And he is," Fin assured. "Can you see Liv working for anyone as long as they did if he wasn't? I mean he can be a son of a bitch sometimes but he was dedicated to this Unit and to Liv."

"If he was so _dedicated_," Nick almost spat the word. "Why'd he leave without saying anything?"

Fin inhaled deeply. He wanted to keep Olivia's privacy, he was almost as protective of it as she was, but then so was Nick. "This stays between us." He waited for Nick to nod is agreement. With one last look around the squad to make sure they were alone, Fin continued. "You know what it's like to shoot a kid, what it's like to have IAB breathing down your neck."

That he could empathise with. Nick shifted on his perch, and looked down at the floor. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah."

"Well, Elliot dealt with that a few times. He was done," Fin emphasised the word. "Liv would've talked him out of leaving. They were close, a lot closer than they should have been. You know how hard it is to get Liv to open up?"

Nick nodded once again. The early days of their partnership were tainted by Elliot's mysterious disappearance, and it took a lot of persevering on Nick's part to get her to finally accept him as her partner, get her to trust him. Nick felt like he was constantly being compared to him, whether he was capable enough. People expected him to do the same as Elliot, expected him to give up on Olivia, mostly by Olivia herself. It was almost like she was trying to get him to give up on her.

"How close they were, it scared 'em…"

Nick scrunched his face out of annoyance rather than confusion. "I still don't get it."

"I don't think they do. It's hard to explain and you might understand it better if you see them in the same room. In my honest opinion, I think Elliot dug himself into a hole he couldn't get out of and he didn't want to drag Liv into it with him. I don't think he meant to hurt her, that was going to happen even if he said goodbye," Fin paused, looking Nick up and down. The younger man's ire had eased and he seemed almost resigned. "You need to let Liv make the call here without you getting pissed about it."

"What if he hurts her again?"

"I think we're jumping the gun here," Fin shook his head. "They're as stubborn as each other so I have no idea if they're going to even attempt to work this out, but I think they'll regret it if they don't."

"So we back her," Nick conceded.

"Like always," Fin agreed.

…

The following morning Olivia led the way into the conference room which had been set up with their files on Noah and Ellie as well as the gang who green lit her and the anonymous threat which they received weeks ago. Foster and Maxwell filed in behind her, followed by Fin, Amanda and Nick. Maxwell turned and frowned when Fin shut the door behind them.

"We agreed to read you in Sergeant, not the rest of your team," he pointed out. Olivia shook her head.

"They're read in too or this meeting is over before it begins," Olivia told him, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Maxwell looked between the police officers and none of them backed down. He exhaled tiredly and set down his own files on the oval table. Foster stood close to the display board they had set up, examining the photos and evidence already on display. He had no interest in interacting with the police officers and Maxwell knew he would have to do all the talking.

"You all understand this is need-to-know, so it doesn't leave this room," Maxwell swept his gaze from officer to officer, each of them nodding their agreement. He flipped open the top file and took out a photo of the back of a van after a tragic crash, passing it to Olivia so she could see the bloodied contorted bodies of four girls aged no older than fifteen lay on the floor of the van.

"The van was involved in a pile-up a month ago. They were sitting on the floor, nothing securing them. The lorry in front swerved and flipped onto its' side. Their driver tried to drive around but they had no chance at the speed they were travelling and impact. They're not related and we believe they were being trafficked from across the border. They had other injuries to suggest prolonged physical and sexual abuse and tox screens said they were out of it on crack at the time of the crash," his told them in an even tone. He was sympathetic towards the girls' plight but he wanted to remain detached. Maxwell picked out another photo of one of the girls at the morgue.

"None of them had any id and the van had fake tags, so we couldn't trace it. The driver survived but he was unconscious. The local PD called us in when they realised there was more to it. We interviewed the driver when he came too and he agreed to co-operate in return for protection."

"Why do you think this was involved with the attack on Elliot?" Olivia asked, placing the photo back on the table, unable to look at it any more.

"Most of our task force were at the scene and we didn't want anyone recognised with the driver so we asked-"

Foster coughed, interrupting Maxwell's explanation. Maxwell paused, glared at him before continuing. "_I_ wanted a low key presence at the hospital in case any of his employers came looking for him. We wanted to coax 'em out. We didn't release any details to the press and I asked Stabler if he wouldn't mind helping us out at the hospital till we were able to transfer the driver to a secure location. He was plain clothes in the hospital when a few guys turned up. The driver was scared for his own safety so he passed Stabler off as a distant family member. Somehow he ended up being recruited to drive the next load of girls. That was about a week ago, and we busted a lot of people at the hand off."

Outside in the squad room Amanda's phone rang and she excused herself to answer it. As the door shut Olivia took a deep breath. "And you think someone recognised him?" Maxwell nodded. "Eli was with him in the park, he and Oliver could be in danger," Olivia pointed out as she pulled out her phone to ring Dickie. Maxwell held out a hand to stop her.

"We don't know if it's connected," he explained.

"I'm not willing to take any chances, Elliot wouldn't either," she replied, angry with herself more than anything for not thinking of it sooner. She already had a detail sitting with Lucy and Noah. "Fin can you…?"

"You got it Liv," Fin agreed moving to the door before she finished asking him to pick up the Stabler children.

Maxwell stood up straighter, puffing out his chest. He opened his mouth to try and regain control of the situation but Foster stepped forward. "The boy needs to be interviewed anyway," Foster butted in before Maxwell could argue. He looked at Olivia. "Stabler demanded that you do it, no one else."

Amanda burst through the door again. "That was the Park precinct; they picked up one of the perps. They've got him in interrogation and they're waiting on us, they said we can observe."

"We'll finish this later," Maxwell said. He and Foster were already moving towards the door and Olivia had little time to make a decision. Looking between her officers she gestured to Nick and Amanda. "Amaro, Rollins, you go with."

"Of course," they agreed and followed the US Marshals as Fin held the door open.

"Fin, wait," she said as she listened to the phone ringing in her ear. After three rings Dickie answered. "Dickie, it's Olivia."

"Hi Liv, everything okay?" Dickie replied. "Any developments?"

"The officers in charge of the investigation into your Dad's attack have apprehended a suspect and are questioning him soon."

"Um, that's good, I suppose," Dickie replied. "I mean they haven't arrested him yet."

"Not yet but I was wondering if you could bring Eli in for me to get his statement about yesterday."

There was pause on the other end. "Um, he's been really quiet. I'm not sure how much you're going to get out of him."

Olivia closed her eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of her nose. She hoped the little boy hadn't shut down. "Do you want me to come to you?"

"No, I'll bring him in. Maybe being in the precinct will help, might take his mind off of Dad and help him relax."

"Okay I'll see you soon," Olivia said hanging up and turned to Fin. "Instead of going to get Eli, I want you to go to the hospital and talk to Elliot, show him the pictures from CCTV. Find out if he recognises them and if Maxwell and Foster are giving us the full picture of his undercover op."

"You got it," Fin replied with a nod. "Do you want me to fill him in about Ellie?"

Olivia stared back at Fin for a long moment. She already explained the basics to Elliot and he probably made his own connections if there were any. "You can," she nodded. Fin stayed where he was, looking at her expectantly, almost sympathetically. "What?"

"You okay with all of this?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "Let's just focus on the investigation." Fin looked doubtful but he didn't push and left before she had to remind him to.

**Author Note – I just want to say thank you for all of the reviews for the last chapter, such a lovely welcome back to this story. As always I would love to know any thoughts you have so if you have a few minutes to spare please leave a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable with leaving a public comment.**


	9. Chapter 9

Healing Wounds – chapter nine

Dickie stood in the conference room staring through the glass at Olivia and Eli, watching anxiously as they spoke. Eli sat in his chair across from Olivia as he told her what happened at the park. He couldn't hear what they were saying but Eli seemed more relaxed than he had all morning. He'd retreated into himself and barely said anything. Dickie knew Eli hadn't been able to sleep properly, after waking up a few times because of nightmares he finally settled in their dad's bed with Lizzie. Eli ate breakfast before climbing back into bed with some toys and staying there till Olivia asked them to come in.

Dickie rubbed his hand over the back of his neck as Olivia showed a set of photos to Eli. His little brother had been reluctant to come into the precinct, worried about the questions he was going to be asked. He'd asked about Olivia too, wondered whether she would like him. His heart went out to his usually confident, often boisterous, little brother. He remembered wondering the same thing about Olivia once. He barely remembered meeting her for the first time, when she came over one night for dinner a couple of months after working with his father. A couple of weeks after he and Lizzie turned six Olivia followed their dad through their front door and Dickie was momentarily stunned into silence. He hid behind his sisters for the first few minutes till she made fun of his dad, making them all laugh.

He didn't have the best relationship with Olivia, unlike Kathleen's, it deteriorated around the same time his relationship with his Dad became hostile, full of resentment and blame. He accused them of having an affair even though he knew it wasn't true and she never held his words against him. Dickie was certain if he needed her help after years of not seeing her Olivia would be there for him if he asked; it was the kind of person she was. It was because of that Dickie knew Olivia loved Eli, especially with her part in bringing him into the world. He and Lizzie agreed not to explain that to Eli as it would just confuse the boy about the relationship their family, their father, once had with Olivia.

Dickie turned on his heel and his gaze drifted over the conference table, landing on the cardboard storage box with his surname on it. The box wasn't his and had a fine layer of dust on top; it hadn't been moved in the few years since it was placed in a storage closet, by Olivia he presumed.

"_No one came to collect it." _

Olivia told him with a hitch in her throat and a wave of her hand when she asked him to wait in the conference room. He wondered what his dad's reaction would be when he gave him the box. The last few years were tough on his dad, drawing in on himself as he fought bouts of depression. He only really started interacting with them again after Kathleen announced her pregnancy. Oliver's birth, his name, brought him back to their family and gave him a sense of purpose. His dad was confident again; confident enough to get a job with the US Marshalls and land himself in this mess. Dickie blew out the breath he had been holding in.

Dickie didn't understand Olivia's relationship with his dad but he could see the toll the last twenty four hours, the last four years, had taken on both of them. No matter how many jokes he made about it, Dickie hoped they would be able to sort it out because no matter how confident his dad was, how happy he seemed, there was something missing in his life.

He turned back to the window and saw Olivia smiling at Eli who had now risen up on the chair to sit on his knees. Olivia shook her head and replied to whatever Eli said.

….

"Is there anything else you can remember Eli?"

"No," Eli shrugged and dropped his gaze to the table top and Olivia's notebook. "I was really scared yesterday," he admitted.

"Your dad is going to be fine Eli." She wouldn't tell him she'd seen Elliot endure worse injuries, she didn't want to worry Eli like that.

"And what if they come back?"

"We're trying to find them to stop that from happening and your statement will help us do that."

"How?"

"Well you've told us what they look like, what they were wearing and the direction they ran in. We'll be able to link it up with CCTV and find them."

He still looked doubtful and Olivia gave him a quick smile, before double checking her notes. She taped her pen twice on her notepad before clicking the top and putting it away. She looked at Eli, not for the first time noting the features he got from Kathy and the eyes which were all Elliot. When he and Dickie first arrived he was cowering behind his big brother, his head occasionally peaking around Dickie's legs as she explained what was happening. He had been reluctant to go with her when she said Dickie would have to stay in the conference room, but he agreed when she said showed him where Dickie would wait for him. He answered her questions quietly at first, he had been shy but gained confidence quickly as she spoke to him and he explained what happened in the park, describing the incident in harrowing detail as she listened. Surprisingly Eli didn't hold anything back, only getting anxious when he stumbled over what the second man wearing.

She was aware of Dickie's attention, could see him shifting around the room out of the corner of her eye, looking at the box she retrieved from storage before they arrived. No one claimed Elliot's possessions when he retired and the thought of the box in storage bothered her more than she liked to admit, playing on her mind the longer it sat there. Hopefully knowing it was back with its rightful owner would ease her mind. She didn't like giving Dickie that obligation but he'd agreed to it with a knowing look.

"Is this you with my dad?" Eli asked as he took a photo out of his pocket and turned it for Olivia to see.

Olivia blinked at the black and white image of her and Elliot beaming as she hooked an arm around his neck. She had a copy of it somewhere. It had been taken years ago, a lot changed since then. They had changed a lot since then. Eli held it out to her and she grasped it between her fingers, taking it from him.

"Where did you get this?" She glanced at his face. He was looking at her expectantly and he dropped onto his bottom when she didn't answer his question directly.

"It was in a photo frame by my dad's bed," he answered. "It is you, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah, it's me and your dad," Olivia answered staring at the photo, trying not to let her surprise show. She didn't want to think about the significance of where he found it. "Why did you take it out of the frame?"

"Because the frame didn't fit in my pocket," Eli explained as if it was obvious. "Did my dad work here with you?"

"He did," Olivia replied. "Has he told you about it?"

"Not really," Eli shook his head.

Olivia sighed quietly. Eli really had no idea who she was or about Elliot's life on the force and he was trying to create a connection between them which was already there even if he wasn't aware of it. Olivia wanted to encourage it but she had no idea how this was going to play out and she didn't want the little boy to become emotionally invested if she wasn't going to see him again.

"Dickie said we could go see Dad later," Eli told her. "Are you going to see him too?"

"I'm not sure," Olivia replied and his face dropped. She didn't want him to retreat back into his shell so she leant forward and tilted her head to the side. "How about I show you where your dad used to work?"

…

Elliot opened his eyes when the door creaked open. Fin walked through with a quick lift of his brow.

"Fin," he greeted gravely. "Everything okay? I thought you were meeting with Foster and Maxwell."

"We did. The Park precinct called, they think they caught one of the guys who attacked you so Foster and Maxwell went with Amaro and Rollins to observe."

Elliot sat up in the bed, wincing at the twinge in his side. "They tell you about my assignment."

"Yeah," Fin replied. "Can't say I'm surprised, you'd be bored teaching."

"That's all I was doing, it was all I was interested in doing till they asked for my help," Elliot argued. "I didn't want to go back into the field, not after Jenna. When I saw the crime scene pictures…"

"I get it," Fin assured him. "But you coulda told me or Liv, you know that."

"It didn't occur to me." He cleared his throat, appraising Fin as he did so. "Liv told me about the threat on Noah and with the guys watching him at the park I assumed it was about that. I don't suppose it's the same guys in the picture Lucy took."

"No," Fin said as he sat in the chair beside the bed.

"How are Liv and Noah? And Lucy?"

"They're alright, Liv said Lucy was jumpy but she's tryin' to hide it."

Elliot frowned. She had been calm in the park when she was taking the picture. He shook his head, putting it down to adrenaline. "They got a detail on them?"

"Yeah, as soon as Liv heard about your assignment she nearly put one on Eli and Dickie."

Elliot's released a breath, relieved his children were with someone he trusted. He didn't know Foster and Maxwell well enough to trust them like he did Olivia and Fin. "She pissed?"

"She's got a lot on her mind," Fin replied. "She's more upset that you're still pulling the same crap with your kids you did when you were on the job. Anything else you need to tell us?"

"None of the gang found out I was undercover, they were scooped up as I dropped the girls off and I was taken in with them. I think one of the girls might have seen me in a jacket after they were rounded up."

"You think she talked?"

"They may have been doped up but those girls were terrified in the back of that van. She probably exchanged it for protection from the rest of the gang," Elliot reasoned.

"You didn't get 'em all?"

"Some of them weren't at the hand over," Elliot shook his head.

"You think someone from your team tipped 'em off?"

"Possibly. Is there a link with Noah's biological mother?"

"We don't know yet." Fin placed his file in front of Elliot on his table, opening it to the CCTV images for him. "You recognise 'em?"

Elliot lifted the grainy image and looked at the two young men. In the top corner he could see a leg and shoe lying on the ground and knew it was him. The attack was just out of shot. Any case made against these two would rely on his and Eli's statement and he didn't want his son under that kind of pressure. "I've never seen them before and the attack was quick but I remember their clothes. That's them."

"Liv's talking to Eli," Fin replied.

"Good," Elliot said. He put the image back in the file, closing it. "The doctor said I might be out of here day after tomorrow. I need to talk to her."

Fin sighed and looked away as he shook his head. "I'm not going to-"

"I'm not asking you to do that but I need her new address," Elliot looked at Fin as he frowned. "I went by her old apartment after she was found, the super recognised me and told me she moved but wouldn't give me the address."

"This should be her decision," Fin pointed out.

"What do you think she'll decide? We need to talk Fin, away from the hospital, away from the precinct. This is on me Fin."

"You're right, this is all on you," Fin replied. "You should've talked a long time ago. I still think she should know."

"Please Fin," Elliot all but begged. "I don't want to hurt her or make her angrier than she already is."

"You never do, always happens though. How do you think she'll react to an ambush like this?"

"It doesn't matter how I do this. Tell her if you want, either way I'm going to make her angry. You think it'll be better if I talked to her at the precinct?"

"Probably not," Fin relented. "She's gonna kick my ass for this," he muttered as he took out a card and jotted down the address.

**Author Note – I'm sorry this has taken so long, I didn't realise it had been almost two weeks. I hope you're still reading. I know I told a few of you there would be an Olivia/Elliot reunion, it just didn't fit here. Next chapter is all them, I promise. I would love to know what you're thinking about the story, so if you have the time please leave a review or send me PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note – okay, I have some good news and some bad news. I know I said this was going to be a reunion but it's postponed till the next chapter. I'm sorry. I didn't lie exaclty, the chapter just kept growing as I wanted to include a few bits prior to the reunion so I cut it in half so the reunion would have its' own chapter. Anyway, the good news is most of the next chapter is already written and should be posted fairly quickly. By the way, I just want to say a huge thank you to you all for reading, following, adding to your favourite lists and commenting. I love reading what you've all got to say.**

Healing Wounds – chapter ten

Nick stood impassively as he watched the interview taking place. In front of him Foster and Maxwell stood at the window, crowding the view. Amanda was between them and Nick, scribbling notes in her pad as she listened.

Marcus Deering was staring back with disinterest as he was interviewed by Detective Miller from the Park Precinct. He hadn't requested a lawyer yet and he didn't seem phased by the questions, choosing not to answer most of them apart from confirming his name. He was twenty years old and cocky, full of confidence which no one should have when being interviewed by the police especially as a suspect in a stabbing.

"Did you know you stabbed a former cop?" Miller asked calmly.

"I didn't stab anyone," Marcus countered easily, unfazed by the information.

"We have a witness who can put you at the scene, you gonna go down for this alone?" Miller slid the surveillance photo across the table. "Who's your friend?"

Marcus pushed it back at him. "We were playing ball in the park and went for a run afterwards but I ain't ever met him before yesterday."

"He give you a name?"

"Nah," Marcus said as he lazily shook his head and started tracing his finger around the table as he feigned disinterest.

Miller landed his fist on the table loudly startling Marcus into sitting up. He placed his hand on the photo and slid it back into Marcus's line of sight, holding it there as he looked at it. "You know him? He's a former cop who's a US Marshall." Marcus shook his head warily and Miller continued. "He had two kids with him, the oldest had to hold a jumper on the hole you put in his chest. I want to know why you put a knife in him."

"I didn't put a knife in anybody!"

Miller slammed another photo down on the table with a thud. "This is a photo of your bloody shirt we found in the dumpster behind your apartment."

"It's not mine," Marcus argued and Miller slammed the photo with his fist.

"You're wearing it in the other photo. It's at the lab and we're testing the blood, and if it matches the victim…do you see where I'm going with this?"

Marcus sighed and his body relaxed back into the chair but Nick could see he was trying to cover the nervousness which formed in his eyes. The kid leant forward and leant his elbows on the table, attempting to look calm and collected. Nick held his breath, waiting for Marcus to say the inevitable.

"I want a lawyer," Marcus said and folded his arms as Miller straightened, looking at the young man heatedly before leaving the interrogation room. Nick released a sigh rubbed a hand tiredly around the back of his neck. It was inevitable and he doubted any of the other seasoned detectives were surprised when Marcus uttered the words.

As soon as the door closed Maxwell and Foster were in his face and when Amanda rolled her eyes Nick smirked quickly before hiding it but not before she saw it and quirked a brow at him and shook her head once quickly.

"Where are you going?" Miller asked as he stood in the US Marshall's way, blocking the door.

"We're going to talk to the kid, see if we can get him to be more forthcoming about his friend," Foster said stepping forward again only for Miller to block him again.

"He lawyered up; anything you get will be inadmissible," Nick pointed stepping away from the wall before it could escalate. As much as he wanted this over quicker, Nick knew Olivia would be pissed if anything got in the way of the case or would cause a mistrial.

"We're just going to talk to him," Maxwell shrugged and Miller held up a hand to stop him.

"Not without a lawyer present and only when you show me the connection with your investigation, not before," Miller said and there was a silent standoff as he waited for them to back down.

Nick watched with baited breath as Foster curled a hand into a fist and for a moment Nick thought he was about to raise his arm and swing at the other detective, but it never came to fruition as Maxwell stepped between them, holding up a hand to his partner to back down. "We'll wait for a lawyer."

With that Miller sidestepped them and walked off into his squad room to make the call.

…

Dickie closed the door behind Lizzie and Eli as they left their dad's hospital room. He grimaced at his sister through the door, and then covered it quickly when Eli looked up at him. He gave Eli a small wave and Lizzie led him away to get a drink from the machine.

Dickie turned, his stomach in knots as he started to pace the small space at the end of his dad's bed, avoiding eye contact even though he could feel Elliot watching his every move. He clapped his hands together nervously, anything to cover the uncomfortable silence. He reached the window and spun around to pace back to the door. He didn't know how to start this and he needed to do it before Kathleen did, he didn't want her stressed, it wasn't good for her or the baby.

"You're making me dizzy Dickie," Elliot told him his voice full of worry, the command clear.

Dickie halted at the end of the bed and turned to face Elliot. To cover his apprehension he placed his hands on the end of the bed and strummed his fingers lightly. "Sorry," he offered.

Elliot studied him for a moment, trying to pin point his anxiety. "How did it go at the precinct?"

"Good. Um, Olivia said the kid they're questioning asked for a lawyer so they're waiting for him to get there," Dickie bobbed his head a few times, coughing uncomfortably. "Eli was worried at first but he really warmed up to Olivia."

Elliot nodded and it was his turn to avert his gaze. "He seems fine now."

"She put him at ease and answered the questions he had," Dickie explained. "But then you knew she would."

"I wanted her to talk to Eli because I trust her."

"Do you? Because I don't think she knows you do," Dickie replied.

Elliot swung his head back to face him, his expression masking the remorse Dickie knew he felt. It pissed him off, they were both handling this so professionally, skirting around the issue that had been ignored for too long, trying to ignore how they really felt for the sake of an investigation. Almost as if they avoided it they wouldn't have to deal with it. Dickie knew the investigation was important but they didn't have to drag everyone else into their delusion. He knew it was a low blow to question the trust between, but Dickie knew how protective Elliot was of the bond he had with Olivia, knew it would cause a reaction and he steadied himself for the backlash.

"Dickie," Elliot warned his voice low and gravely but Dickie held up a hand to stop him, not willing to let Elliot shut him out anymore, kind of disappointed that it lacked the normal ire his father's admonishments usually held. Then he noticed one of Elliot's hands covering his bandage and his own annoyance ebbed away and he calmly dropped his hand.

"You know I don't want to get involved in your relationship with Liv and I know how difficult things were for you after the shooting but you could have-" He stopped short when Elliot fixed him with a heated stare which didn't hide the quick twinge of discomfort. He knew his dad wouldn't want any attention brought to it so he continued as if it didn't happen. "I don't understand your relationship but it's obvious you still care and miss each other, I don't get why you're both using other people to talk to the other."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked sitting up, grimacing tightly.

"Liv gave me a box of your stuff which you left at the precinct," Dickie announced. "And I was wondering where you want me to put it till you got out of hospital."

"She shouldn't have done that," Elliot replied. His heart sank at the gesture; the last thing of his left in her life. He hadn't intended for it to be left at the precinct, Cragen offered to bring to him several times and he managed to duck out of it whenever they arranged something, afraid to see the disappointment in the older man's eyes or the possibility of hearing any news on Olivia which might tempt him or Cragen trying to encourage him to talk to her.

"I really don't like you dragging us into your break up," Dickie seethed.

"Liv and I were never…" Elliot shook his head. He didn't deny it because it was useless to try especially when it was a conclusion which many people assumed, it didn't matter whether it was true or not.

"I know that Dad, this probably would've been easier to get my head around if you did," Dickie pointed out. "It feels like it sometimes though."

"I never wanted you guys involved," Elliot told him.

"We got involved when you introduced us to Olivia, and I'm glad you did because most of my good memories of you being a cop are of her too. And today I felt bad for Eli because he doesn't have those memories. She was a big part of your life and ours." He paused. "You need to fix this Dad. Can we cut the crap for a minute?"

Elliot looked back at him trying to judge how honest Dickie was being. He deserved it, they all did, but Elliot wasn't sure if Dickie was ready for it, if he was ready for it. This had obviously been bubbling under the surface for a while and that was why Elliot nodded his head for Dickie to continue.

"Didn't it hurt to find out about Noah like this?"

"Yeah," Elliot admitted. He should have known, there was a time when he would've been the first to know. "I'm going to talk to her but I can't do anything while I'm in here," Elliot said gesturing to the hospital room. Dickie sighed and nodded.

"Promise me you'll sort this when you're released."

"It's more complicated than that," Elliot tried, hating the reason, knowing it was no kind of answer and he tried hard not to react when Dickie growled in frustration.

"Don't use that as an excuse Dad," Dickie said through clenched teeth, his hands gripped the bottom of the bed.

"It's not an excuse Dickie. I can try to make things right but it's not just me in this. I can't force Liv to do something she doesn't want to do."

Dickie deflated and relaxed his hold on the bed railing. It was one thing for his dad to be willing to reconcile, Olivia had to be willing too. She had handed over his stuff, and while she had been great with Eli that was what she was trained to do with witnesses. He couldn't assume that extended to Elliot as well.

"Four years is a long time," Dickie sighed.

"It's too long, and I have no idea how to salvage anything," Elliot replied.

"You've never made an effort to try."

"And if it doesn't work? I'll still have the same regrets but they shouldn't be yours as well," Elliot cleared his throat. "This is my mistake, no one else's. That shouldn't stop you from keeping in touch with Liv, if you want to."

It was Dickie's turn to look guilty. "We didn't because it would've felt like I was betraying you."

"You wouldn't have been," Elliot assured. "Maybe it would've encouraged me to sort this out sooner." He wasn't blaming them and Dickie knew that.

"If this hadn't happened, if Noah wasn't Olivia's son, would you have ever…" Dickie trailed off as Elliot looked away.

"I don't know."

Dickie hung his head, unable to stop the wave of disappointment that flowed through him. In the back of his head he always assumed his dad would make things right that he had a plan to talk to Olivia, a plan to get back what they once had. He didn't.

"Dickie," Elliot said firmly, breaking through his thoughts. "I'm going to try."

**Author Note – Reviews are addictive – I want to know what you're thinking right now, of the chapter, of the story. Send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment.**


	11. Chapter 11

Healing Wounds – chapter eleven

Elliot shifted his weight from foot to foot as he kept focus on the elevators progress, the sound of the gears was too loud as it climbed up to Olivia's floor. He tightly gripped the bag in one hand and held a bouquet of giant daisies in the other. He looked at them doubtfully, wondering whether he'd made the right choice.

The doctors released him from hospital the day before, cautioning him to take it easy and rest as much as possible. He could still feel the pull of the stitches in his side and he had to be careful not to take deep breaths or reach too far or his chest would ache. He'd been greeted by the rest of his children after Dickie drove him home. According to Dickie Eli hadn't been sleeping but he'd slept through the night before, Elliot wanted to make sure Eli was feeling safer before he went home to Kathy at the end of the week. He escaped from his own home, the combination of Dickie's expectant glances, Lizzie's hovering, and Kathleen's silent treatment drained him. Eli and Oliver seemed to be the only ones happy to see him and part of him thought about bringing them with him, but after last time he second guessed it and relished the time alone during quiet drive back to Manhattan.

The elevator jolted slightly and he looked up for a moment, but it continued to rise. He'd spoken to Fin and knew Olivia was off today because Lucy had an appointment. There was a possibility she wasn't home and he had been saved from pressing her buzzer when he managed to catch the door when one of her neighbours was leaving. He knew it was an idiotic move and she wouldn't react well to the confrontation. He hated blindsiding her even if it was the only option because he doubted she would come to him voluntarily especially after his cold empty apology the last time they spoke. He was annoyed at himself for holding his tongue, feeling like he was betraying her all over again. He would be lucky if she didn't slam the door in his face. It took them almost a year to get over Oregon and that was just shy of two months, he has no idea how long or what it would take to get over four years. He wasn't naive enough to believe one meeting would fix everything.

He kept replaying that moment in the park when he met Noah, the sound of the smack of his hand on the ball. They may not be biologically related but looking back Elliot couldn't help but recognise the mannerisms Noah got from Olivia. He could see how happy and content Noah was and Elliot wanted to believe that was because Olivia was happy, he wanted to believe her life had gotten better after he left it.

"_He was just picking flowers for his mom." _

That's what Lucy had said.

Picking flowers for his mom.

For Olivia.

Olivia Benson has a son, she's a mother.

Elliot wondered if she ever got the flowers or if they had been lost on route between the precincts, hence the flowers. He didn't know how she would react to them. They rarely ever exchanged gifts, usually settling for a drink on such occasions and he knew this may throw her more than his unexpected appearance would.

The elevator pinged open and Elliot stepped off glancing down the hallway to check the numbers on the apartment doors before turning in the right direction. He found the right door and paused, shuffling his feet once again. After a long moment he raised his free hand, hesitating before rapping his knuckle on the wood with three sharp taps.

…

Olivia sat on the floor with Noah as he played with his building blocks, placing one on top of the other to make a tower before he knocked it down. Noah was reaching to place the last block on top when she heard the familiar knock she hadn't heard in years. Her head shot up in surprise. He'd only gotten out of the hospital last night and she didn't expect him to show up at her place so soon, if at all.

"Door Mama," Noah said pointing in that direction. He grabbed hold of the sofa and used it to pull himself up, eagerly scurrying down the short corridor to find out who was knocking.

Olivia followed quickly and was able to overtake him before he reached the door. "Should we see who's there?" She asked rhetorically as she held out a hand to him.

"Yeah," Noah agreed with a nod, slipping his hand into hers.

Olivia looked through the peep hole to double check it was Elliot before undoing the chain and the latch. She took a deep breath as she pulled open the door, dropping her gaze to Noah as he looked through the expanding gap as Elliot was revealed to him.

"Oh," Noah said in surprise and scampered behind her legs. His head peaked around her legs as Olivia and Elliot looked at each other awkwardly.

Olivia felt Noah's arms reach around her leg and she blindly dropped a hand to stroke his hair reassuringly. "Noah do you remember Elliot?"

"E'iot?" Noah repeated looking at the man in question quickly only to find Elliot looking back at him. Letting out a small yelp of surprise Noah hid behind her legs again, making both adults laugh.

Their laughter died as their eyes met and after a moment Olivia pulled the door wider and ushered Noah back as she silently invited Elliot in.

"I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced," Elliot said stepping in slowly, deliberately.

"It's fine, why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"You could've seen me at the precinct," Olivia reminded him with a sharp look.

"Yeah, but I don't think either one of us wanted to do this there," Elliot replied gravely.

"Kind of like being in a fish bowl," Olivia sighed in agreement. "How did you find out where I live?"

Elliot shook his head. "Don't blame anyone but me Liv," he replied resignedly.

Olivia stared back at him expectantly, neither confirming nor arguing with him but he didn't answer her. There was only one person who could have, would have, given Elliot her address. She didn't blame Fin because he knew they needed to talk to get some resolution, she just wished he would have told her Elliot was coming.

"Look, I don't want to do this in front of Noah," Olivia told him.

"I'm not here to argue with you," Elliot promised. He held up the bag in his hand. "This is for Noah and these are for you," he said giving her the bouquet.

Olivia looked between Elliot and the flowers in confusion. A pink blush grew up his neck and he cleared his throat uncomfortably as he gestured at the flowers.

"They're from Noah by the way," Elliot said with a self-conscious smile and Olivia's frown deepened, glancing down at her son who was trying to peak in the bag. "He was picking flowers for you in the park and I didn't know if you ever got them."

"Oh, thank you," Olivia managed to push out around the lump that suddenly formed in her throat at his explanation. "And I didn't. They're beautiful."

Elliot looked as affected as she felt and they stared at each other again only to be interrupted by Noah tugging on the bag in her hand.

"Mama, it a ball," he said as he peaked in the top of the bag. "We play," Noah said tugging the bag again in the direction of the living room.

"Come in," Olivia told Elliot with a jerk of her head. "Can you show him the ball while I find a vase for the flowers?"

"Sure," Elliot agreed pushing the door shut behind him.

He watched Noah lead the way to the living room. He looked around and recognised some of her treasured possessions and photos. He smiled at the ones she'd added of Noah. It wasn't as neat as the other apartment, it was lived in and he was all too aware of how difficult it was to keep a completely tidy home with children running around. Elliot liked it but it lacked the character of her old place.

"Put your blocks in the box Noah," Olivia said as she placed the bag on the chair and Noah dutifully started picking up the blocks. Lately she had been encouraging him to put away one toy before playing with another, thankfully he wasn't arguing today. "Have a seat Elliot," she told her former partner as he watched Noah put away his toys. "What?"

"He's putting his toys away," Elliot said as he sat on the edge of the arm chair opposite the kitchen so he could watch Olivia as well as Noah. He grabbed the bag and held it in front of him.

"It's a new development, believe me," Olivia replied as she filled a vase with water and placed the flowers in it, finally setting them on the kitchen counter. She couldn't help but lift a hand and run her index finger down one of the petals, they really were beautiful and she was touched by the gesture. If she had been on her own, if Noah had been napping, she would have been tempted to turn him away. As much as she was scared about what Elliot had come to say she couldn't send him away, they would have to be at least civil with one another if Noah was with them. There would be no swearing or raised voices in front of him and he would act as a buffer between them. She then held up a cup to Elliot. "Coffee?"

"Thanks," Elliot said as Noah placed the last block in his toy box and approached him. The little boy was so comfortable, so confident here in his home. "Hi Noah," he said gently.

"Hi," Noah replied impishly. He took another step forward, looking intently at the gift bag in Elliot's hands.

Olivia watched as her son stood in front of Elliot, embracing that true fearlessness that all toddlers seem to have. It wasn't just Noah who had her captivated; Elliot seemed riveted by the toddler. He was studying Noah, almost like he was trying to memorise every detail in case he never saw Noah again. Her heart tightened over the bittersweet moment which she secretly wished for. Feeling the tears prick at her eyes she turned to busy herself with making the coffee while Elliot kept Noah entertained.

…..

Noah gripped the bag and pulled it open to peer inside. "Play ball," he insisted looking at Elliot expectantly.

"Okay, we'll play," Elliot agreed eyeing the small space. He reached out and pushed the coffee table towards the window to make some room. "We're gonna roll it on the floor because I don't think your mom will appreciate me teaching you to kick in the apartment," he said gently.

"Not really," Olivia agreed as she placed Elliot's cup on the coffee table and took a seat on the sofa opposite him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Elliot replied, hiding the wince of pain as he reached into the bag to get the ball.

"That's usually my line," she smiled tightly, quickly.

"Yeah," Elliot said with a bob of his head. "The doctors said to take it easy for a few days and I have to go back for a follow up next week but apart from that I should be fine. The harder part was slipping away from Lizzie and Eli," he joked half-heartedly with a forced laugh and Olivia smiled tightly. "It's not your fault Liv," Elliot said.

"It's not yours either." She sat on the edge of the sofa and held her cup tightly in her hands, almost protectively. There were a lot of things going through her mind and she wasn't sure how to put voice to them, especially in front of Noah. "Why are you here Elliot?"

Elliot didn't answer right away. Momentarily ignoring the question he placed the ball on the floor between his feet and then retrieved the other item in the bag. "This is to wear when it's cold."

"No coat," Noah replied with a pout as soon as he saw the small hoodie Elliot pulled out of the bag.

"It's a jumper," Elliot corrected trying not to smirk at the concentration on Noah's face.

"He's not fond of either at the moment," Olivia interjected. "It's an ongoing discussion," she added with a shrug and a tiny lip lift.

Elliot nodded understandingly as he guided Noah to sit on the floor a few feet away. "We're gonna roll it like this," he said pushing the ball towards the boy slowly enough for him to stop it with his hands. Only after a few rolls back and forth did Elliot look up at Olivia to find her looking at the scene with fondness. Sensing his gaze on her she lifted her head. "We need to talk," Elliot sighed.

"What is there to say?" She asked, shifting uncomfortably, looking away.

"There's nothing I can say to justify how I left, I have no how to apologise."

"I never asked for an apology Elliot," she told him pinning him with an unreadable expression.

"You deserve one," Elliot insisted.

"I would prefer an explanation." Elliot stared back at her, and when she realised he wasn't going to start speaking she strummed her fingers on the side of her cup before placing it on the coffee table. "If our situations were reversed, if I had shot Jenna and walked away and didn't speak to you for four years, what would you expect from me?"

"What do you mean?"

"What would I have to do to apologise?"

"You wouldn't have to," Elliot admitted after a long moment the realisation dawning on him. "I would know why you did what you did."

"And I would never ask you to do something you wouldn't let me do," Olivia tilted her head to the side, imploring him to understand what she was trying to tell him. "Wouldn't you be pissed if I didn't at least explain?"

"I would," he nodded.

"Are you going to?" Olivia asked "Because if you're not you can leave now."

Elliot held up a hand to stop her. "I'm going to."

"Well it can wait till Noah's N A P," she spelled.

"He doesn't like naps either?" Elliot questioned as he shot the little boy a knowing smile.

"No nap," Noah answered indignantly, emphasising the 'p' as he rolled the ball at Elliot.

…

Almost two hours later Elliot looked over his shoulder at the kitchen and pushed up from the sofa, ignoring the twinge in his side as he grabbed their empty coffee cups. He could hear Olivia's soft murmurs of reassurance as she laid a sleepy Noah in his crib. Despite his aversion, Noah finally succumbed to a peaceful slumber nearly fifteen minutes ago while he was sitting in Olivia's lap.

Elliot watched them keenly, relishing every smile and laugh from mother and son. While Noah was quite independent he occasionally glanced in her direction to check she was still there before continuing to play happily. Elliot marvelled at the bond and the non-verbal communication forged between them. They had found a rhythm with each other and Elliot had never been prouder of her.

Elliot put the cups on the counter. In his peripheral vision he saw Olivia slip into the doorway and lean against the wall, watching him. He poured two cups of coffee, and then opened a cupboard to get the sugar. He added the right amount of milk and sugar to hers while leaving his black. Olivia's responding laugh was refreshing and upsetting all at the same time. Elliot paused, his arm poised to put the sugar back in its' rightful place. He turned to look at her. "What?"

"You know where everything is," Olivia explained.

Elliot shrugged as he carried the two cups to the sofa, brushing past her to reclaim his spot on the sofa. "You always have the same set up in your kitchen."

"You always snooped," she responded as she sat next to him and she accepted her cup, taking a small sip and let out a small noise of appreciation. "Thanks."

He smiled awkwardly at her, feeling a twinge of apprehension now that it was just them. "Noah's a great kid."

"Thanks," Olivia bobbed her head.

"He loves you."

"I love him," Olivia replied, a smile lighting up her face as she spoke about her son. Elliot smiled at the sight. When she noticed his gaze, she ducked her head and sipped her coffee again.

"Thanks for my stuff, by the way," Elliot says after a moment. He doesn't mean for there to be a challenge in his voice but it's there and her eyes narrow in response but she doesn't rise to it. "You're not angry at all?" Elliot asked, wincing with the way it sounded. He would feel better if she was angry. Olivia's eyes flicked and she placed her cup on the coffee table with a quiet thud.

"I'm disappointed rather than angry," she says him quietly.

"You should be angry." Olivia sucks in a breath and he braces himself for the onslaught.

"I'm sick of your double standards when it comes to us, you expect me to be angry with you when you wouldn't do the same."

"I made a mistake." It was Elliot's turn to look away.

Next to him Olivia shook her head. "Jenna made the decision to walk into the station with a gun; she was determined to use it. She didn't listen to us and kept shooting. She wasn't going to stop Elliot. You had no choice, no matter how much you wish that was different it is the truth."

"And we can't change what happened," Elliot argued.

"No we can't, so why did you refuse to let me help you?"

"One PP was piling on the pressure and they needed someone to be held responsible and I couldn't keep doing this. I needed out. This job was your life. I wanted to make sure you weren't pushed out with me." He rubbed his hands together to stop himself from clenching them. "And I didn't want you to worry about me."

"You think I stopped worrying about because you weren't in my life? That you weren't sitting across a desk from me? Would you have stopped worrying or thinking about me?"

Elliot meets her eyes. They're almost black and sheening over. He slowly shakes his head. "I never have," he admits.

"Then stop trying to tell me it's just about the job and had nothing to do with us."

"I'm not," Elliot replied heavily. He didn't want to push her too far, too quickly. "I wanted you to have a chance to be happy; I wanted you to have more than the job. Our relationship was holding both of us back. I needed out and I needed you to be happy."

…

"I was happy," Olivia told him, her voice catching in her throat.

"You were content, there's a difference. You can't tell me you aren't happier now with Noah in your life."

Olivia lifted an eyebrow at his statement. Part of her wanted to argue, hating his declaration that she wasn't happy back then, but she couldn't. "Are you happy now Elliot?" It was a low blow but she needed to know.

His chest puffed out and his eyes shadowing over. "I'm content," he tells her with a self-depreciating laugh.

Olivia didn't laugh only huffed in resignation. "You said you needed out," Olivia said fixing him with a stare. "As far as I can see, you're still in."

"Would you believe me if I told you that is was an accident?" Elliot replied with a forced smile. Olivia shook her head.

"I would if I didn't know you. And now I keep picturing Ellie in the back of that van," Olivia replied, her expression softening. "Deering was refused bail and Maxwell and Foster haven't been in touch."

"They're going over the entire case looking for any connection to New York or Deering but they can't find any so unless he talks they won't have anything."

"They tried to muscle in on the interview," Olivia scoffed remembering what Nick and Amanda had relayed to her.

"It's the way they operate, I don't agree with it." Olivia looked at him pointedly and he ignored it. "But they're probably more embarrassed for making something out of nothing," Elliot defended. "They've got a lot riding on this case and at the moment they've hit a dead end. They thought this might pan out as a lead."

"I'm sorry," Olivia replied.

"Why?"

"It's your case too, you went undercover for a reason and I know how much you hate this."

"Yeah, well," Elliot shrugged. He coughed softly. "For all we know this could be a gang initiation."

"They have been no other reports of it. The ADA is going to offer Deering a deal to get him to talk."

"I know." He paused. "Liv, I might need to go back undercover."

"What?"

"Nothing is concrete but we didn't get everyone during the raid, and we're not sure if someone is feeding them information from the inside."

Olivia stiffened but she appreciated him telling her. "You didn't need to tell me."

"I know but I trust you and I wanted you to know that I do." Olivia relaxed and nodded. "Where do we go from here?" Elliot asked when she didn't reply. "I mean us, not the investigation."

Olivia cocked her head to the side. "What did you expect when you came here?"

"I have no idea," Elliot admitted. "I was just hoping you wouldn't tell me to go to hell."

"I may understand why you did what you did, but I can't forget it Elliot." She wished she could but he was the one who made her believe he was going to be a part of her life for the rest of it, he was determined to get her to depend on him and when she did, he walked away. He should have let her be there for him, like he would have been there for her.

"Can you forgive?"

"I don't know," Olivia replied.

**Author Note – where do they go from here? Let me know what you're thinking in either a review or a PM if you're shy about leaving a public comment.**


	12. Chapter 12

Healing Wounds – chapter twelve

He flinched as the cuffs were snapped around his wrists, his skin tingles from the cool metal. He kept his head held high. He had to. He didn't want anyone to know how scared he was. They plenty of guys on his side of the bars who could show him how scared he was, on cue his cellmate shifted behind him and he swayed towards the bars involuntarily as the guard unlocked them.

The guard led him down the hall and he tried not to make eye contact with the inmates who stood at the door of their cells as he passed. At the end of the block the guard let him the door and they walked towards the bathroom.

Behind them he heard the doors from the other blocks open and close. He continued to walk forward, trying not to pay attention. His guard unlocked the cuffs and let him enter the bathroom. He was about to start undressing when the others stepped into the bathroom and the door closed. There was a pause and the hair on the back of his neck stood up just as the first blow hit his side. He jolted forward hitting the tiled wall hard. He went to push himself off but they held him there. He felt the piercing in his side and a white hot heat spread quickly through his body and he slumped against the wall again, sliding down. His jaw ricocheted off the bench, his teeth clinking and his knees hit the floor with a thump. They started to use their feet and kicked him hard in the ribs. He tried to roll away but they follow and continue just using their feet. His head lolled and his eyes swam as he tried to look at them but all he could see was a blurry outline of them as the tears filled his vision. His body gave in and slumped on the floor as he lost consciousness.

…

"These are pretty," Kathleen said nodding to the daisies as she accepted the cup of tea from Olivia.

"Your father gave them to me," Olivia replied cautiously knowing things were still bad between them.

"He came to see you?" Kathleen asked her nose twitching in a quick grimace and Olivia was reminded of the sullen teenager she once was.

"Yesterday," Olivia nodded. "Don't give him such a hard time. He should have told you about going undercover but he was doing it for the right reason."

Kathleen huffed and glanced over at Noah and Oliver who were both asleep in their strollers at the edge of the living room, worn out after the morning at the park. While she was used to her father withholding when it came to his work she didn't like it and after the most recent revelation she couldn't hold her tongue any longer. "I don't get why you're not as angry as I am."

"Let's go sit on the sofa, they're resting, we should be too, especially you," Olivia deflected as she gestured to the baby bump.

Kathleen looked disappointed at the evasive tactic; her dad did it all the time and she hated it. She followed Olivia to the sofa anyway. They'd had a good morning and their sons played happily together in the park. It was nice to spend time with the young woman away from everything else going on in their life, some escape from the investigation. Olivia was still vigilant as they were in the playground pushing the boys on the swings, especially after the last time the boys were at the park but she didn't see any threat.

Olivia sat on the edge of sofa as Kathleen relaxed back into the cushions. The young woman sighed and sipped the tea. "I thought you would be annoyed at him too."

"I spent too long being angry," Olivia replied looking into her own cup.

"And you're not angry anymore?"

She thinks of Elliot's admission about going undercover again, it's not her place to tell Kathleen. She wants Elliot to make that decision but she's not sure he will. She appreciates the gesture of a truce from him and she knows there's more to it than he's telling her, something else bothering him about this case, about whatever was going on in his team. She can see it in his eyes. Even if he didn't tell her, he wasn't hiding it from her either. They would be able to work the case together if they had to. He still trusted her, and she still trusted him; on the job, with her life, Noah's life.

In the years he's been gone she was scared they would never be able to get that back if they ever saw each other again. He let her see it was still there, it was just frayed. That didn't extend to their friendship or where they stood with one another which may never be rectified even if they tried.

"I was angry and hurt when your Dad left Kathleen," she tells the young woman who was watching her intently. "I thought I had done something wrong and he was annoyed at me because he never said anything to me."

"It wasn't about you," Kathleen said looking away guiltily. Olivia realises she was right in the assumption about what Elliot put himself through.

"I know that now. It took a while to realise it though," she admitted. She believes what she told Elliot about Jenna; the girl wasn't going to stop and he had no choice. But she knew he wished there should have been another option.

"Your father shot a girl who he knew; he consoled Jenna when her mother was attacked, helped her mother explain what happened to her, and then after she was murdered we consoled Jenna again. We saw her grow up into a lovely, sweet, young woman while we investigated her mother's case; saw them through every delay in getting it to trial. We fought for her, and in the end it wasn't enough," she breathed in. "I thought about that day over and over and I realised your father was probably angrier at himself than anyone else could be. He doesn't need anyone else being angry at him."

Olivia knew Elliot would have punished himself for it; the doubt broke him and made him turn away from a job he loved and loathed. She knew what Elliot's mind was like and the guilt would have torn him apart inside. "Your father made the shot, but it could've been me or Fin or Munch who pulled the trigger. And if I had shot Jenna, Elliot would never ask me to apologise for needing time to deal with that. He would never hold it against me, and I don't hold it against him."

Kathleen nodded shakily. "It was rough, and he really shut down for a while and there were times when all I wanted to do was call you." She waited a beat. "He did miss you though."

"I missed him." She still does because despite the glimmer of her old partner yesterday, they're not the same people they once were. "I'm disappointed we lost what we had, that we lost our friendship."

"You and Dad were more than friends," Kathleen points out and chuckles softly when Olivia whips her head around to face her. "I know you were never like that, I know you never did anything," she amended. "I know that. But you and Dad, you never just friends. I don't even know how to describe it."

Olivia didn't either. There were never any promises made, neither of them was ever in the position to give or accept any. She understands what Kathleen is trying to point out. As much as she wants to be able to define her relationship with Elliot with one neat description, she can't, maybe she would be able to move past it if she could. _Friend _didn't seem adequate. Fin and Munch were _partners. _While she sees the brotherly love and unlikely bond between their counterparts of the old SVU team, she can't help but think, feel, she and Elliot went beyond that even if no lines were crossed.

"Do you ever think you'll ever get that back?" Kathleen asks quietly almost shyly.

"Honestly, I don't if we can," Olivia admits.

It's a sad realisation she's made and while she would love to be a part of Elliot's life, she's not sure she can be. In some ways she's never stopped being a part of it because she's always thought of him, reminded of him daily as she walks past their old desks, and she has regrets, and as long as she has those, there will be some connection to him. She's gotten to a point where she accepts he's no longer part of her life and there isn't a constant twinge in her heart when she thinks of him. She wishes they never lost it but they can't change it. The risk of opening herself up to that potential heartbreak again…

"Do you still love him?"

The question is so quiet Olivia thinks she misheard her. She turns her head and finds Kathleen's gaze piercing through her, just like her father's always did. It's knowing and confident and Olivia realises the question is rhetorical and any answer she gives will only verbally confirm what Kathleen already knows. There's no hostility in Kathleen's expression, only support. She opens her mouth but the words refuse to form. She does, always will, but she can't.

"Kathleen," Olivia exhales finally, almost hisses, with a small shake of her head and the younger woman inches closer in anticipation of her answer undeterred by the reluctance in Olivia's tone. Just like her father.

"I don't mean like that, I mean if you still lo-" Olivia's eyes flash in warning and to her surprise Kathleen amends her words. "If you still _care_ about him there's got to be some way to get passed this. I'm not naïve to think it'll be the same as it was but there's got to be a chance, right?" Kathleen says.

"I-" Olivia is cut off by the sound of her cell phone . She looks at it quickly and sees it's Fin. "I'm sorry, let me answer this quickly."

Kathleen nods and gives a small wave of her hand before giving Olivia a small sense of privacy by tiredly pushing herself off the sofa to check on the boys who were still sleeping peacefully. Olivia watched and smiled as she tucked Noah's blanket under his chin. She listens to Fin explain the reason behind his call and her eyes close as he tells her of Marcus Deering's fate. She hangs up moments later and meets Kathleen's concerned gaze, she obviously heard the name of her father's attacker.

"Marcus Deering was attacked in prison early this morning," she announced and then started going through her contacts to find Lucy's information.

"Is he alive?"

"Yes," Olivia replies and holds the phone up to her ear as she dials Lucy. She pulls it away from her ear when it goes straight to answer phone and she remembers Lucy mentioning another appointment. "Detective Miller has asked for me and Fin to meet him at Bellevue prison ward and Lucy isn't available to watch Noah."

"I can watch him," Kathleen offered. Olivia opened her mouth to say she can take him to the day care centre for a few hours but Kathleen shook her head to stop her. "I don't mind and the boys got along pretty well, and I don't have any other plans so it'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Olivia double checked.

"Of course," Kathleen promises. "I'll call if I need anything."

"Thank you," Olivia replies sincerely as she begins to rush to gather her things while ringing Fin to get him to pick her up on the way to the hospital. She quickly tells Kathleen where Noah's inhaler and its instructions are and shows her how to use it in case he needs it. Not fifteen minutes later she's bending over Noah and kissing his cheek gently so not to rouse him. "I love you," she whispers to her son. She straightens and looks to Kathleen. "I should be a couple of hours at the most. Call-"

"If I need anything," Kathleen tells her as she ushers Olivia out of the door.

…

"You think I'm gonna talk now?" Marcus shouted as Miller asked him about the assault.

"We can protect you if you talk," Miller promised.

"From who? They're both sides of the bars, you can't protect me. Those guards knew what was happening," Marcus shook his head in defeat as he winced in pain. His face was swollen, his lip cut and one eye was closed. His attackers really worked him over. "What do you they'll do to me if I do talk nows?"

Miller met Olivia's eyes quickly and she stepped away from the wall. He didn't have to call them, it was out of courtesy. She wanted to show him the same courtesy by respecting it was his investigation, but she understood the invitation to cut in.

"You're right, they will try to hurt you, but we can't help you unless you tell us what happened." He stubbornly faced the window, refusing to look at her. She eyed the cuffs strapping him to the bed. "What about your family? What do you think they'll do to them after they hear about this meeting?"

"Hey, I didn't ask for you to be here," Marcus argues straining against the cuffs angrily. He coughs at the exertion and slumps back against the bed.

"And you never accepted the deal and they did this," Fin reminded him. "What do you think will happen now?"

"We may not be able to protect you but we can protect your mother," Olivia adds. She remembers the woman from court, crying softly into a tissue as he was remanded. She was the only one Marcus showed any concern or remorse towards. Olivia knew it would be the only way to get through to him.

Marcus tried to fold his arms across his chest but he couldn't. He huffed after a long moment. "What do you want to know?"

"We'll need to wait for your lawyer," Miller told him.

"You don't," Marcus shook his head. "For this meeting, I agree to talk to you without him."

Miller met Olivia's eyes and then Fins' and nodded. "What happened in the park?"

"Me and a friend were walking out of the basketball courts. Two guys came up and asked me if I wanted to earn some cash," he said. "They pulled out a thick roll of notes and I asked what I had to do and they told me about the guy."

"You know 'em?" Fin asked.

"I ain't seen them before," Marcus winced and his hand slid over the bandages at the edge of the blanket. "I asked why they couldn't do it and they said they were already on camera."

"By the police station," Olivia interjected.

Marcus shook his head. "Nah, not just there, this girl took a photo of 'em by the playground." Olivia's eyes widened at the mention of Lucy's photo. "They told me where I could do it without being caught on camera."

"So you stabbed Elliot?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, it was me," Marcus wheezed lightly and coughed again, wincing at the pull on his stitches.

"They tell you why they wanted him stabbed?"

"Something about getting involved where he shouldn't," Marcus coughed again and the beeping on his machine increased, getting louder. He didn't stop and seconds later a nurse came over to investigate, shooing the police officers away to treat Marcus.

"They knew about Lucy's photo," Fin said as they stepped out into the hallway.

"Yeah," Olivia said as she double checked her phone. "I wasn't able to reach her before I came out."

"Maybe you should check on her," Miller told them. "I'll stay here and see if he can answer more questions when the nurse is finished with him. I'll keep you informed."

"Thanks man," Fin said as Olivia held her phone to her ear.

She met his eyes and shook her head. No answer.

**Author Note – I would love to know what you're thinking right now...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note – thank you all who are still reading. I love knowing what you all think of the story, so please let me know either by review or PM if you don't want to leave a public comment. Just a few words would be great. **

Healing Wounds – chapter thirteen

When they pull up in front of Lucy's building they see the patrol car sitting out front and Olivia's stomach drops. She exchanges a quick glance with Fin and they get out of the car and approach the uniformed officer who emerges from the building, flashing their shields.

"I'm Sergeant Benson and this is Detective Tutuola with Special Victims, what's going on?"

He gestures up at the building. "We got a call from a girl, her apartment has been ransacked but nothing's been stolen and her roommate is missing." He shook her head. "We're waiting for a detective from our precinct to come down."

"Which apartment?" Fin asks when Olivia tenses next to him.

"Three B, who called you?"

"No one," Olivia tells him. "That's Lucy's apartment," she mutters to Fin and walks past the officer and into the building. She hears Fin explaining the situation to him but their voices are soon drowned out by the clicking of her heels as she rushes up the stairs to see what's happened to the young woman who has come to mean so much to her and Noah.

She reaches Lucy's floor and sees another officer standing in Lucy's doorway talking to Lucy's frantic roommate asking for Lucy's details while she kept looking blankly through her door at the mess within.

"We've been living together about a month, we met through night school. She's a babysitter for a police officer," Olivia hears the roommate tell the officer as she keeps moving her arms, folding them across her chest before dropping them then refolding them across her chest.

"And you're sure she hasn't just gone off with a few friends?" He asks.

Lucy's roommate stopped her fidgeting and looked as offended as Olivia felt. "You saw the blood in her room, you think she went willingly?" Just then she caught sight of Olivia. "You're Lucy's boss," she declared neutrally.

Olivia nodded and peered around the young woman to see inside the trashed apartment. "I'm Sergeant Benson," she replies almost trance like as she saw a smear of blood on the wall just inside the door.

"I'm Rachel," the roommate answers.

"Do you know when she went missing?" The uniformed officer's voice cuts through both of their thoughts.

Rachel shakes her head. "I was away at my parents for a few days and I got back about an hour ago to find the apartment like this. Both of our neighbours moved out last week, so no one would have heard anything."

He nods and turns to Olivia. "And you Sergeant Benson?"

Olivia keeps focused on the partially opened doorway, barely refraining from craning her neck to see further inside. Her heart was heavy and the dread was beginning to settle in her stomach. "Day before yesterday, she said she had some appointments yesterday and today. I needed to ask her something this morning and I got worried when I couldn't get hold of her." She waits a moment before adding, "You should know there was an incident when she was in the park with my son, two men were watching them and the man who helped them was stabbed nearly an hour later."

…..

It's almost midnight when Olivia trudges through her front door. She knew Kathleen called Elliot and asked him to take over watching Noah when it got too late for Oliver. She doesn't mind because she knows Noah is safe with Elliot and her son enjoyed playing with him. She's exhausted, physically and emotionally, and she isn't mentally prepared for the sight of him pacing around her living room with Noah slumped over his shoulder while patting the toddlers back gently.

"Hi," she whispers so not to wake Noah as she shrugs off her coat. "How has he been?"

"He's fine, I think he's got a tooth coming through," Elliot said as he stands at the edge of the living room already arranging the toddler so it's easier to hand him over to Olivia. He can see the wariness in her eyes and knows the comfort she needs; he understands the kind of relief only a hug from your child can give.

"Thank you for watching him," Olivia says as she slips out of her shoes.

"It's not a problem. Any sign of Lucy?" He asks as she slips her hands under Noah's arms and gently turns the child to cradle him against her, automatically checking he was alright, noting the warm cheek where he was teething.

"No," Olivia said pressing a kiss to Noah's forehead as he roused gently against her. She shushed him quietly, patting his back to soothe him and he settles. "I got off the phone with her parents about half an hour ago and they haven't heard from her, nor has her sister." She shook her head and pressed another kiss to Noah's forehead. "There is no sign of her and her apartment door had been forced," she shook her head as she trailed off, remember the signs of struggle in Lucy's apartment the blood on the wall.

She had fought whoever took her. They had exhausted every lead over an hour ago and the rest of the team, who had been joined by Miller after he arrived to announce they had discovered the body of Marcus's basketball buddy, had stayed in the squad room when she didn't want to leave even though she knew it was useless until new evidence came up. She couldn't bear the thought she may be giving up on Lucy. She was spurred into action when Carisi mentioned Noah was the only one in the park they haven't gotten to, and she was filled with the need to check on her son.

Olivia walks into the kitchen and with one hand she pours herself a glass of water while holding Noah close to her. She wants something stronger, but she won't. Not with Noah or Elliot there. She feels too much guilt to give herself some relief. Lucy's parents were beside themselves with worry, and she didn't blame them but they refused to let her accept any responsibility for their daughter's disappearance, steadfastly maintaining it was the people who had Lucy who were to blame.

She turns and finds Elliot leaning against the door frame watching her, looking at her with same look he's aimed at her time and time again, the one that sees right through her. Her heart clenches and she's not prepared for the affect he still has on her after so many years. She's been able to keep her guard up so far but after today she can't keep it in check.

"You're not to blame," Elliot tells her. He doesn't tell her Lucy is a smart woman who can look after herself because none of that matters; they know how the people who have Lucy operate.

"If she wasn't Noah's sitter-"

"Then someone else would be," Elliot reminds her.

"If there's any chance of finding Lucy alive, she's going to wish she was dead because then she won't have to remember." She's talking from experience and Elliot knows it.

"Don't do this to yourself."

"You're one to talk," she meets his eyes sharply and he meets her stare. Noah shifts in her arms and she looks down at him. "I need to put him down," Olivia says and she pushes past Elliot and into Noah's room. She lays her son in his crib, pulling the blanket up over him as he moves into a comfortable position. She watches him for a moment and finds reassurance in the steady rise and fall of his chest, wondering for the millionth time how could anyone want to hurt someone so innocent, wondering if they would be after him if he lived with someone else.

"Don't rethink him," Elliot tells her from the door.

"I'm not," she replies, irritated that Elliot knows her thoughts however fleeting they may be. Shame fills her for considering it, even for a second. "But there's a chance he could be safer with-"

"No," Elliot tells her. "He wouldn't."

"He's being targeted because of me," Olivia whispers. She moves away from the crib and Elliot doesn't back away. He fills most of the doorway and there is no way for her to get past him without touching him.

"They know how much he means to you and would find him because of that."

"It doesn't matter because I can't give him up," Olivia tells him honestly. It would break her if she lost Noah; he's hers, he knows that. It doesn't matter that she didn't give birth to him, he was her son. Elliot nods.

"He needs you."

"I need him." She does. She loves coming home to Noah, his smile and hugs are sometimes the only thing which brightens her day, she can't give that up. He's grown so much since he's been with her and so has she. It is a struggle to balance her work and Noah but not one she's going to give into. She can't picture her life without him. Some might think she's being selfish but she knows if she was told to choose between the job and Noah, it'd be him. It's been a recent overwhelming realisation to her, one she hasn't divulged to anyone else, and she's grateful no one has given her that ultimatum because she would be devastated if anyone did.

"You can do this," Elliot tells her.

She gives him a heated look and purposefully walks towards him, this time he backs out of the doorway to let her pass and she closes Noah's door before stalking into the kitchen with Elliot hot on her heels. She grasps her glass and takes a long sip; it doesn't stop the fury she suddenly feels towards him. Coupled with the rest of the emotional toll the day has taken on her, Olivia ducks her head as she tried to hide her glistening eyes. It doesn't fool Elliot and he moves closer.

She sucks in a shaky breath and he touches her back hesitantly. Her body goes rigid but she doesn't move away from the heat emanating from his hand on her back. When she doesn't shrug him off, Elliot wraps his arm around her back and pulls her to him. She allows it because she's exhausted and she has missed this. She's too tired to fight his pull and her anger subsides momentarily as his hold tightens and she slips her arms around his waist. They may have only done this twice but it feels more familiar and better than it should, it doesn't matter how bittersweet the moment is. She relaxes into him and he slides his other arm around her. He doesn't murmur reassurances into her hair because they've been doing this for too long to know nothing good is going to come from this. She touches her head to his cheek, discretely inhaling the smell which is distinctly Elliot Stabler.

He exhales softly into her hair and his arms tighten around her waist as his hesitation gives way. There have been times when she yearned for this, needed this, times when she hated him for not being there. "No," she says resolutely refusing to meet his eyes as she steps back. "You don't get to do that."

"What?"

"You don't get to comfort me when you refused to let me do the same for you," she tells him as she brushes past him to go into the living room, grabbing the first toy she sees and puts it in Noah's box. She hurries around the room picking up the rest of the strewn toys.

"Liv," he draws out as he watches her.

She resolutely keeps her back to him as she shakes her head. "No, you were always quick to tell me you were there for me but you never let me be there for you." She wipes hastily at the stray tear she feels rolling down her cheek.

"I couldn't let you comfort me again," he sighs and she hears the rustling of fabric and assumes he's folded his arms across his broad chest because she's not turning to face him to find out.

"So you decided to punish me for wanting to help you?" Her voice is louder, is shriller than she wants and she manages to shoot a cautionary glance without looking at Elliot towards the room at the end of the hallway, listening, hoping she hasn't disturbed Noah. Silence.

"You know when you get into a situation and you let it go on and on and then you can't figure out how to get out of it?" His voice is low and too calm compared to hers. She can feel his glare on her back. "When I finally realised the mess I'd made of everything, I didn't know how to fix it. I never knew how to fix any of my mistakes because you did it for me while I avoided them. You fixed me and Kathy; fixed it with Kathleen and my mother, I have no idea how or why you did any of it."

"You do," she says tightly finally turning to face him.

He pauses and swallows loudly. He nods his head once as he averts his gaze quickly. Too quickly. "I never told you how much I appreciated that but I couldn't ask you to help me figure out how to fix things between us when this was my mistake to fix. I had no idea how to ask you to forgive me for walking away, how I could make that up to you."

"You never tried!" She exclaims. "You didn't need to make anything up to me Elliot; you should've just talked to me. Do you know there were times when I thought you hated me?"

"I could never hate you." It's her turn to avert her eyes and his whispered, gasped _"Fuck" _makes her wince and turn back to him. "Liv, I was scared of going in circles with you. I needed you to have the life you wanted, this life, a child, the life I couldn't give you," he gestures towards the end of the hall. To Noah.

"I don't get why you think I couldn't have had this with you in my life?"

"I would've wanted to be a part of it and I couldn't be. I wouldn't have been able to let you go if I stayed."

"And how did that work out for you?" She needs to calm down, but that wall she had around her feelings is crumbling and falling quickly. She has no idea how they got onto this and blames it on the jumbled feelings warring inside her.

"It didn't," Elliot admits. "But it did for you."

She growls deep in her throat. She forgot how infuriating it was to argue with him. "We've been back in each other's lives for less than a week and I can't do _this _again with you. It's too hard."

"Don't make this decision now," Elliot says as he steps towards her. "You're upset about Lucy."

"This isn't about Lucy, this is about us Elliot. You hurt me when you left but over the years I've thought about from your point of view and I understood why you needed time. If we're going to have any kind of relationship we've got to be on the same page. And I don't know if we can do that."

Elliot steps forward again, pinning her with his eyes. She stands her ground.

"Do you want me in your life?"

**Author note #2 - *runs and hides***


	14. Chapter 14

Healing Wounds – chapter fourteen

"I always have," she nearly cries. She needs to calm down and curses silently him for being able to control himself at a time like this. He had a nerve, asking her that. He was the one who walked out of it; she had no say in the matter. "You don't get to walk back in here four years later as if nothing happened. You can't just ignore that."

"This wasn't my choice Liv."

"That's my point. You would never have come back if this hadn't happened, so don't tell me this is my fault or my decision because you made that choice years ago."

He opens his mouth but his response dies on his lips as his whole posture slackens dejectedly, his answer obvious. She was right, he never intended to make this right between them, never wanted to say goodbye so there relationship would have always in been in a state of limbo in her heart, yearning, anguish and regret. She hated him for not letting them have a clean break. His acknowledgment only makes it worse.

"I made a mistake and I can't change that."

"But you were never going to try. You were going to ignore it and hope it went away, just like always." She can see the snap in his eyes and instead of scaring her it ignites hope in her and she sees her old partner instead of the complacent, apologetic man he was replaced by.

"I'm not the only who's ignoring this," Elliot replies, suddenly finding his voice again, strong and sure; the confidence he's been lacking coming through clearly. As much as she wants to be angry, she's got to admit she's missed that part of him. Her anger subsides slightly, knowing this was getting to him too.

It was intense, like it always had been. They are both guilty of falling back into bad habits. It was normal for them; ignore the rush, doing anything to prevent dealing with their natural, unbidden reaction to one another. There was the flare; she could feel it building in the pit of her stomach.

"We're never gonna change, are we?" She scoffs with a shake of her head. "You know me better than anyone but there is always going to be a line between us that neither one of us is willing to cross."

"Things have changed," Elliot says.

"Not in a way that's going to change the way we deal with each other," Olivia replies in resignation.

"You can't keep changing where that line when you get too close to crossing it." His voice rises and the flare in her heart spikes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I'm not the only one to blame," Elliot asserts stepping forward again. "I may have walked away but so have you when you get scared we're too close that it'll change things between us and becomes something you can't control. I can't keep apologising for this."

"I'm not asking you to, I never asked you to," Olivia fires back. Their relationship is a huge contradiction; he can comfort her with a single glance but he also knows what to do to rile her in an instant.

"Because you don't want to feel obligated to talk to me about the last four years," Elliot answers.

"That has nothing to do with you," she seethes.

"Right," Elliot nods his head. There's that tone, the one he uses when he's lying, the one which makes her guilty for not talking to him. "I wasn't there and I hate myself for not being there. I'm here now."

"Are you going to be here tomorrow?"

"That's up to you."

"Not just me Elliot," she exclaims and drops the toy in her hand into Noah's toy box.

She barely has time to register his movement as he's stepping into her space, his hand sliding along her chin, curling around the base of her head, fingers threading through her hair pulling her to him. She crashes into his chest with a thud as his lips landed on hers, stilling awkwardly, testing, for a split second before she relaxed against him. For a moment she thinks about pushing him away for being so presumptuous, now, when he should have done this years ago. When she didn't push him away or hit him Elliot opened his mouth and tugged her lower lip between his, sucking gently. Her lips move when his do and she feels his hesitation dissipate as his other arm wraps around her back, securing her against him. Her own arms rise of their own volition and one snaked around his neck while the other winds around his arm.

Her heart beats strongly in her chest. It's a move she never thought he would make, either one of them would make, but she gets swept along with it. It's been months, over a year she suddenly remembers since she's been with anyone, since Brian. A year which has flown by and full of emotion when she's been fraught with worry over Noah's health and safety and she's ignored her own needs.

Olivia doesn't want to think about how this will complicate things, or what they've left unresolved tonight. She just wants to give in in ways she never has before. She wants to ignore everything that's going on around them, all the hurt, even for a few hours. She wants an escape. So Olivia is the one who moves backwards first, pulling Elliot with her as she blindly navigates the furniture in the living room towards her bedroom. She can sense his surprise but he moves with her, his hands wandering when hers do. They pause against her bedroom door and he kisses her deeply, surely. She responds with equal enthusiasm, equal need. It's been a long time for her. One hand reaches for the knob she feels pressing into her hip and turns it before leading him into her bedroom.

….

A few hours later they are lying in the dark bedroom. There's a satisfying ache in her muscles but she can't sleep. She's too wired. She knows Elliot's awake too. Their hands are inches away from one another and she feels the heat radiating from him. She can feel the awkward tension which is almost daring them to look at one another. She wonders who will cave first.

Elliot's hand slides across the comforter and touches hers. It's timid and completely different from the way he's touched her in the last few hours. Her hand relaxes and opens when she senses that he's about to draw his away. Seconds later she feels his fingers slide between hers. The fabric rustles and Elliot moves towards her and his lips skim her bare shoulder.

It's then that their eyes meet for the first time. She exhales and her whole body relaxes. Their hands don't lose contact as Olivia rolls onto her side to face him. His other hand reaches out and cups her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek thoughtfully.

Talking doesn't work for them. Never has.

Part of her wishes it would but she's always been able to trust their connection built on long meaningful looks and short concise sentences. There have been times when she doubted their partnership and thinks she imagined his feelings for her. It's in those moments she misses the words she wishes they were both brave enough to utter.

The silence is shattered by the shrill ring that cuts through the bedroom. Her mouth twitches upwards as Elliot groans and reluctantly rolls away from her. She resettles against her pillow watching as he grabs his jeans which were discarded on the floor as they hastily undressed each other.

He finally manages to retrieve it and his voice is muffled, still hoarse with sleep, as he answers. He sits at the edge of her bed, the sheets pooled around his waist covering the most intimate parts of him which she's become acquainted with. She isn't offended when he doesn't acknowledge her natural curiosity as she listens without really having a choice in the matter. He's not hiding from her even when his spine straightens and his muscles tense. Her curiosity turns to concern and she lifts up, bracing herself on the mattress and leans between him and the pillow to flip the bedside lamp on. They blink as they adjust to the light and he half turns, holding the phone away from his ear so she can hear the harsh tones of the voice on the other end.

Unfortunately, or fortunately however you look at it, Noah isn't used to hearing the phone ringing in the middle of the night and she sighs at his first whimpers. She doesn't make a sound as she slips from the bed, gathering her robe from where it'd been thrown this morning. She ties it around her naked form as she walks to her son's room to find him standing in the corner of his cot. His whimpers are bordering on full blown wails as he holds his arms out to be held. She picks him up, shushing him, hoping he'll settle quickly, hoping whoever called Elliot doesn't hear him in the background.

Noah quietens a little but still grumbles as she presses her lips to his cheek, feeling the warmth there. She grabs his pacifier from the cot and makes her way to the kitchen to find his diaper bag. Not bothering to turn the light on she rummages with one hand for the teething gel. Once found she washes her hands and manages to swipe some gel around the pacifier's teat and puts it in Noah's mouth.

Noah sucks instinctively. His whimpers ebb and he hiccups occasionally as the soothing gel takes affect and after a few minutes he relaxes into her, dropping his head to her shoulder. Seconds later she feels the small huffs of breath against her neck as he snores gently.

She stands in the dark kitchen facing the window listening keenly as Elliot finishes his conversation. Her gaze is fixed on one of the blind slats as she hears the rustle of his clothes as he dresses. Her stomach is in a tight knot as she waits for him to emerge. There are only a few things that are important enough to wake someone up for in the middle of the night.

He's leaving. His movements are too slow and deliberate for the emergency to be immediate or about one of his children. Part of her wishes there was some development in the search for Lucy but her phone would be the one ringing not his.

Olivia keeps her back to the bedroom when he walks out, not ready to face him or what they've done yet. He comes into the kitchen and she feels the air change around them. Charged but hesitant. She feels his hand on her back seconds before he touches her and she jerks slightly. His hand is removed quickly and he clears his throat.

"They've just asked me to drive another group of girls, this time from the City," he announces neutrally. The knot draws tighter. "I need to call it in. Arrange with Maxwell and Foster."

"Yeah," Olivia acknowledges. Her voice sounds hollow even to her. She understands, she really does. An odd sense of detachment settles within her. She doesn't know what she expects him to say, if anything at all. He needs to focus and she doesn't want to distract him from it.

He has to leave. Not because he wants to.

She wonders if it would've been awkward waking up together in the morning. She wonders if they'll ever find out.

"I'll call you when I can," Elliot says. He moves towards the front door. Before he reaches it she turns and calls his name softly. He turns to face her, his expression soft yet weary. He looks at her expectantly.

"Tell your children," she tells him. "They deserve to know."

Elliot stares back at her and she holds his gaze. After a long moment he nods slowly. He turns to go and Oliva speaks again. "Elliot?" He stops and glances back. "Be careful."

His gaze softens and he nods again before stepping out of the apartment. The door shuts behind him with a soft thud and a click of the lock.

**Author note – It's been a while, hasn't it? I wasn't going to post this till I had written the other chapters but I needed to do something today. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter. I would love to know any thoughts you have on this chapter or the story as a whole, so if you have a spare few minutes please leave a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	15. Chapter 15

Healing Wounds – chapter fifteen

It was just after four in the morning when Elliot let himself into his apartment. He needs to rest for a few hours. The stiches in his side ache as a constant reminder of the attack and his muscles are tired. He won't sleep because his mind is a mess.

He wants to blame the cold, impassive farewell he exchanged with Olivia on the lack of sleep but he knows it was more about self-preservation and doubt and not just for him. He knows her, he knows how she thinks, knows she needs time and he hopes she doesn't withdraw completely and decide last night was a mistake because it was spur of the moment. Of course he's thought about this happening with Olivia.

Probably too much.

Maybe that's where they went wrong, by over thinking it and making the sensible decision which ended up being more painful than the alternative. He hadn't been thinking when he kissed her, just reacted and she responded to him. He could barely comprehend it. While he was aware of the mutual attraction, Elliot was always baffled by it. Olivia was too good for him and he has little to offer her.

He was a father of five and had been married most of his adult life, his job choice driven by providing for that family. Elliot had already started to become disenchanted by their work when Olivia first arrived in the squad room, full of passion and drive. Like a moth to a flame, it drew him in and rejuvenated his view, helping him remember why he wanted to do the job in the first place. Cragen had let Olivia tell him her reason for being there. She was always a conundrum to him, how she could be so open yet so private at the same time, and his intrigue slowly turned to something deeper, more meaningful than your average partnership. Elliot thought, hoped, it was one sided because he could cope with that. He was terrified by the intensity of their connection and it was tested during his first separation from Kathy and he was ashamed of falling back on his go to reaction of lashing out. He barely kept it together when Olivia was in Oregon and after those first testing weeks when she returned they fought hard to get their partnership back.

The cases wore them down and took their toll, but he kept going because he needed her at his side. Eventually it wasn't his family or the ghost of her mother's attack that tied them to the job; their connection tethered them both to it. Jenna was the last straw. Despite the obvious emotional trauma Elliot was dealing with he was cleared of the shooting, could've gone back, and could've transferred to another squad so he wouldn't have to look at the spot where she fell. He didn't want to because he wouldn't have been sitting opposite Olivia.

To Elliot's surprise his children supported him through the following years of self-loathing and pity, softening the blow when he hit rock bottom; his relationships with them were stronger now than they had ever been. But they were grown up and had their own lives and he felt like he was twiddling his thumbs between visits. Elliot didn't like being idle and got bored easily so he'd all but jumped at the job offer to train recruits after a chance meeting with an old friend. It gave him another purpose besides his children.

Continuing down the hallway he paused when he saw the kitchen light on and the clink of a spoon on ceramic. He glances around the wall into his kitchen to find Dickie leaning against the counter drinking from a cup. Immediately he met his father's gaze and raised his eyebrows in silent question.

"You're late," Dickie commented. "Olivia must've been really busy."

Elliot ignored the implied question and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He drank before sniffing at Dickie's cup and frowning. Dickie waves it response.

"Don't tell Lizzie that I'm drinking her tea," he asks and Elliot smirks at his eldest son who blushed bashfully. He pointed the cup towards the sofa where his twin was sprawled. "She wanted to wait up for you. Any word on Olivia's babysitter?"

"No, Liv and I were talking," Elliot replies averting his gaze. Dickie snickers and Elliot clears his throat, glaring at him but it does little to curb his amusement.

"Seriously?" Dickie questions and a loud laugh escapes. "You were _talking_?" He raises his eye brows at Elliot who stares back impassively. Dickie manages to gain control but the smirk is still present when he speaks. "'Bout time you two had a _conversation_."

Elliot puffs his chest out defensively. Dickie's ill-timed, albeit correct, assumption doesn't help matters. He wants time he doesn't have. There was a time when Elliot would have risen to the jibe, but he takes it because there's part of him that believes he deserves it. The silence continues and Elliot senses the change in his son's demeanour as he twists the cap on his water and he gulps the refreshing drink quickly. He turns back to him, holding his tongue as he doesn't know exactly to approach the subject.

"You messed up, didn't you?" Dickie asks as he saw Elliot's expression.

"Not in the way you're thinking," Elliot assures him, or at least he hopes he hasn't.

Elliot mirrors Dickie's posture by leaning against the opposite counter. "I got a call when I was there and I've got to go back to work. I'll be gone for a few days."

Dickie's eyes widen in acknowledgement, his mouth closing in a thin line. He always had the same reaction when he was a kid and Elliot had to run off to work. Elliot's heart drops and it feels like a punch in the gut, just like it always did. Dickie folds his arms across his chest and drops his head. The sinking feeling in his stomach drops further; none of his children have an issue when it comes to speaking their minds but it's a shock for Dickie to have to take the time to reign in his reaction to Elliot's announcement. They are both saved from addressing it as Lizzie's voice floats from the sofa.

"But you just got out of the hospital," she protests. "You're supposed to be recuperating."

"I have to Lizzie," Elliot replies as his youngest daughter walks up behind her brother.

"What's the point in telling us if we don't discuss it?" Lizzie asks bitterly as she spins to head into the spare bedroom.

"Because you deserve to know," Elliot says to her retreating form.

"I'll be waiting for the call from the hospital," she calls over her shoulder as she slams the door behind her.

Elliot watches the door for a moment before turning back to Dickie. "I'm sorry," he offers and Dickie shrugs.

"It's okay, I understand why you're doing this, Lizzie does too," he sighs. "I guess we thought we were past this, we didn't expect you to get hurt when you were training recruits."

"I'm sorry," Elliot tells him.

"We're fine Dad, like I said we know what this means to you," Dickie replied. "Besides, that tantrum," he gestures to the door his sister disappeared behind. "Is nothing compared to the fit Kathleen is going to pitch when you tell her."

…

A few hours later, Elliot knocks on his pregnant daughter's front door. The bag full of her favourite pastries, a peace offering, is in his free hand. He grins as he hears familiar excited squeal of his grandson followed by the pitter patter of feet as they run to the door. A soft tap from inside of the door sounds and he hears Oliver giggle and call out for Kathleen.

"Okay little man, Mama's coming," she says, and then the door bolt is slid across as she opens the door.

"G'anpa," Oliver exclaims as soon as he sees Elliot and he rushes out into the hallway, still in his pyjamas, lifting his arms out to Elliot, wanting to be held.

Elliot pats his head. "In a minute buddy, I brought breakfast."

Elliot can feel Kathleen's gaze but he avoids as he focuses on Oliver as the little boy starts tugging him into the apartment. The anxiety is coming off of her in waves and he knows she's uneasy with the unexpected visit.

"Hi Dad," Kathleen says trying to catch his attention.

"Hi," Elliot breathes out as he looks up and sees the forced smile. He knows the offering of her favourite pastries from the bakery down the block will do little to appease her. Oliver tugs his hand again and Elliot feels his stiches pull slightly. Oliver likes to rough house and Elliot knows he will be disappointed that he can't play with him how he normally does; he barely tolerated it when Elliot was first released from the hospital.

"How is Olivia? Is there any word on Lucy?" Kathleen asks once the door is closed behind them and they're in the kitchen. Elliot pauses momentarily but doesn't answer the first question, ignoring it as he shakes his head.

"No, there's no word on her."

He's thought a lot about the young woman who helped a few days ago. They're still in the dark over why she was abducted, was it because of her connection to Olivia and Noah or was it because of their chance meeting in the park and the people who were watching him took her out of spite.

"What are you doing here?"

Elliot places the bag of pastries on the table and gets the plates as Kathleen directs Oliver to a chair which he climbs on, kneeling on the seat so he can reach the table.

"I wanted to talk to you," Elliot replies. There's no point in trying to avoid the reason for his visit, Kathleen already knew he wasn't here for just breakfast. He glanced around the apartment. "Ethan at work?"

"Yeah he had an early meeting," Kathleen replied as she grabbed the juice from the fridge without asking if Elliot wanted anything different. "Dad," she prompts.

Elliot puts one of the croissants on Oliver's plate so he could start eating while he talked to Kathleen. "I'm going back to work," Elliot declares.

"Why?"

The question is soft but accepting. Elliot meets her eyes, the ones she inherited from him, intense and wondering. Her open expression throws him for a second and he wonders what has caused the change of heart.

"There's been a development in the investigation and I need to go back undercover."

Her head tilts to the side for a fraction as she pauses, digesting the information. She must have suspected it was coming but instead of a biting retort Kathleen nods slowly and Elliot understands the effort she is making to keep calm, after all she didn't just inherit his eyes, she had his temper too.

"For how long?"

"I don't know," Elliot replies honestly.

While he met with Foster and Maxwell during the night to hash out arrangements for the unexpected mission, they had little details to go on so couldn't plan much. He would be phoned later with the location to meet someone who would drive him to the pick-up point. He wouldn't know where that was till he was there and he would have to rely on Maxwell and Foster following him at a safe distance. He had thought they would sever all ties with him after they were raided and he can't help but feel like this is an elaborate way to exact revenge.

"I thought you couldn't talk about stuff like this," Kathleen says as casually as she can, reaching for one of the cinnamon rolls, as if they spoke about this every day.

"I shouldn't be but you have a right to know," Elliot replies.

"In case anything happens to you?"

"Not just because of that," Elliot agrees. He sneaks a glance at his grandson, obliviously tearing his croissant into strips and dangling over his mouth before eating them. He doesn't want to say this in front of him even if he can't comprehend the meaning of this conversation. "This could be a trap for me, they might know I'm law enforcement or they think I'm informing; there's not that much difference."

"It might not be a trap, and you could help this group of girls."

"If everything goes to plan," Elliot agrees. He hoped they would get the evidence and leads to the people leading the ring who were selling and moving these girls.

"Then you need to do it," Kathleen insists quietly.

"Thank you."

"I'm not happy about it," she declares as she tears a piece off her cinnamon roll and pops it into her mouth. She chews thoughtfully and pins Elliot with a piercing look. "But I know what this means to you," she adds softly, covering her mouth as she speaks.

Elliot stares at her, shocked by her reaction. Kathleen popped another bite of dough into her mouth and stares back at him. When he doesn't say anything, she asks. "What?"

Elliot shakes his head. "I was expecting an argument," he admits.

"It crossed my mind," Kathleen shrugs. "It's something you need to do and you don't need me making you feel guilty about it."

"Thank you," Elliot whispers.

"Just remember I've got a child and a baby on the way that need their Grandpa and I don't want them to think visiting you in hospital is an everyday occurrence," she says nodding her head in Oliver's direction as he chews on a piece of pastry which is hanging from the corner of his mouth. Oliver frowns at her in confusion and Elliot smiles wanly.

"I remember."

…..

Elliot wanted to scratch the side of his head but he didn't want to alarm his driver by moving the cloth covering his eyes. Like last time Elliot had been picked up just after midnight and told to put the blindfold on before they drove off. He listened keenly to the sounds they drove past. There had been a few sharp corners during the journey and he hoped Maxwell and Foster were still tailing them at a safe, discreet distance. Elliot had met his driver before; he'd managed to slip away undetected during the last raid. He was easily spooked, Elliot remembered. Maybe they were both paranoid but with good reason. Neither of them talked; it was pointless to make small talk, the stakes were too high for both of them.

Elliot felt the car slow and it was idle for a moment as the window was lowered and the driver spoke to someone outside of the vehicle. Their voices were muffled and low so Elliot couldn't clearly hear what they were saying. Seconds later the driver put the car into gear and Elliot heard the grating of metal as a shutter was raised. The car moves forward a short distance before coming to a complete stop. The shutter lowered and Elliot's blindfold was removed.

He blinked to adjust to the light levels and looked out of the windscreen to the warehouse. A few men milled about on guard. They were alert and jumpy, just like the driver. None of them looked like they were in charge of the operation. Elliot followed the other man out of the car towards the van parked.

"Here's the keys," the driver said as he tossed a set of keys at Elliot.

Elliot caught them and made a show of checking the van as the driver watched. A door at the back of the warehouse creaked open and Elliot raised his head when a door at the back of the warehouse opened. The group of scantily clad girls were brought out, flanked by more guards and another man talking into his phone who Elliot had never met. He takes note of the expensive clothes and the commanding presence of the new guy as he walks at the side of the girls who were moving sluggishly, clearly under the influence of something.

The girl at the back of the group stumbled because she wasn't used to walking in the ridiculous heels she was wearing. Her long hair fell across her face, obscuring her features. The trailing guard shoved her forward as she struggled to regain her footing and she put her hands on the girl in front of her to stop herself from falling over. Elliot couldn't tear his gaze away as she pushed the long brown locks out of her eyes. She was clearly in a daze as she scrunched her nose, trying to focus on where she was walking. Lucy looked around and in her drug induced haze she didn't recognise Elliot when she swept her eyes across the warehouse.

**Author Note – I want to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter, you're an incredible group of readers and I'm so grateful for your support. Some of you are aware that recently I have been juggling stories and it's been getting me down and I need to take breaks between chapters which is why updates are few and far between. I am going to finish this story then, unless an idea grabs hold and drags me in, I am going to be concentrating on one shots because I love writing them and I feel less pressured. I have lots of ideas and I hope to have something new for you soon after finishing this story, **

**Bobbie**

**PS, if you have the time I would love to know what you're thinking right now either in a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	16. Chapter 16

Healing Wounds – chapter sixteen

Elliot ignores the constant dull ache in his side as he glances in the rear view mirror at the four girls in the back of the van. The car jolts as it hits a small pot hole in the road and jostles its' passengers. None of the girls register the instability. They were so far gone they couldn't tell where they were going or who was taking them. Elliot manages to regain control of the car and they were driving smoothly once again. He sharply checks the mirror again, this time meeting the gaze of the man who sat at the back of the van, who grunts his feelings on Elliot's driving skills before looking out of the back window to check for anyone following them. He wasn't there just to watch the road; he was keeping an eye on Elliot. They don't trust him, and in addition to the extra muscle in the back of the van there was another car following them.

Having a moment free from scrutiny, Elliot takes the opportunity to see if Foster and Maxwell are still tailing them. They managed to spot the van as soon as Elliot drove it out of the warehouse and kept a safe distance but he knew they would drop back because of the other car. He lost sight of their car a while ago and he was starting to worry they had lost them all together. He needed their back up and there was no way to contact them. There was so much more at risk this time round. There was no way he was leaving Lucy at the mercy of these men.

The brunette sat behind him and he could hear her ragged breathing and he felt slightly better knowing she was alive despite the dire circumstances. He wants to ring Olivia with the news that he'd found the missing babysitter, but neither of them were safe yet.

"Take the next left," was grunted at Elliot from the dark. They hadn't given him a route, just said

Elliot frowns but took his foot of the gas and nudged the indicator light. The van slows and he guides it around the corner. The trailing car turns closely behind them and the glare from their headlights fill the van from behind.

"Next right," his watcher barks.

Elliot barely has the chance to slow the vehicle as he has to turn sharply into a narrow side alley. The other car was undeterred and was still on their tail when Elliot rights the van. He slams on the brakes when headlights beamed at him, illuminating them from the front and obscuring his vision. He hears the siren and a flash of blue and red as the van screeched to a halt. One of the girls braces a hand on the back of his seat as they're propelled forward, he thinks it's Lucy but he doesn't turn his head to check. They all groan at the abrupt end to their journey.

The full beam is unforgiving and he squints in face of the glare and folds his arm over his face in an effort to shield his eyes. He can discern dark figures in the shadows approaching the vehicle but he can't see if it is Foster or Maxwell. He braces himself as he hears the unmistakable click of his watcher's gun being cocked as he prepares for the ambush.

Something's not right and Elliot wants to go for the gun in his ankle holster but there isn't time as Maxwell taps the window to his right and points his gun at him. Foster is on the other side, mimicking his posture.

"US Marshals, raise your hands and step out of the vehicle," Maxwell orders and opens the door for Elliot.

Going along with the ruse, Elliot awkwardly manoeuvres himself out of the cab. As he was patted down by Maxwell, Foster moves to the back of the vehicle and opened the rear door. To Elliot's surprise his watcher exits the van with no argument and allows Foster to search and disarm him. The other cars' doors opens and the occupants get out, slowly approaching. Foster straightens defensively and aims his gun in their direction while showing his badge.

"US Marshals, stop where you are." They pause but didn't hold their hands up in surrender just stare back at Foster like they were waiting for something. Foster gave a quick jerk of his head but kept his gaze on the men in front of him. "You done over there Maxwell? I need a hand here till back up arrives."

Maxwell reaches for Elliot's ankle holster and draws the gun out. "Look what we got here," he made a show of lifting it when he rose. Before Elliot could react Maxwell aims it at the back of his partners' head and fired. The bullet pierces the back of his head and Foster drops lifelessly to the floor, his gun scattering away only to be retrieved by the man he'd been frisking.

"You thought he was the informant?" Maxwell sneers into Elliot's ear as he landed a punch to the still healing knife wound in Elliot's side. Elliot doubles over in pain and hisses through clenched teeth. Maxwell takes advantage of his pain and yanked Elliot's arms behind him to cuff him. Elliot thrashes against the hood but is stopped by another punch to the gut. He slumps down on the hood. Maxwell bends over him, his hands gripping Elliot's forearms tightly. "He may have been a grumpy, arrogant asshole, but he was an honest one. He never knew a thing," Maxwell whispers harshly, his spit flicking into Elliot's ear.

It had crossed his mind and there were times during the investigation he thought both of his colleagues were on the take. He had been more suspicious of Foster but that didn't mean he discounted Maxwell completely.

Looking through the windshield at the girls in the van, he made eye contact with Lucy. The flash of recognition was more painful than the searing pain in his side. The drugs were wearing off and she knew who he was but it also meant she knew what was likely to happen to her, to them. Her eyes widen fearfully as the side door was slid open and the watcher clamps a hand around her arm and drags her out of the van and shoves her through a door into the warehouse. The rest of the girls follow dutifully after witnessing the rough treatment when they are ordered out of the van.

Maxwell waits till they were in the warehouse before pulling Elliot up and pushing him around the van to the building. Elliot steps forward, ignoring the throb in his side and deciding to concentrate on getting to Lucy. He walks through the darkened door and sees the young babysitter being held by the watcher. The other girls and men are nowhere to be seen but Elliot doesn't take his gaze off of Lucy long enough to do a thorough check of the warehouses' layout. She's petrified but is putting on a brave face. She reminds him of Olivia and he wonders if it's developed since she started working for his old partner. Her face brightens a fraction when she sees him and he sees the spark of hope she has in him. He doesn't want to fail her. He hopes he doesn't.

Maxwell kicks the back of Elliot's knee and he falls to the ground. He manages to rise up onto his knees. Maxwell walks around to face him. Elliot glares up at his smirking face. "Anything you want to ask me?"

Elliot doesn't want to give him the satisfaction but he needs to bide time. "Why?"

"The money," Maxwell states. "We don't get paid nearly enough for what we go through and pensions don't stretch far."

"You're in deep, aren't you? You're not just getting paid to look the other way," Elliot retorts. "You've got to be if you're willing to risk killing two federal agents." There is only one reason Maxwell was being so talkative, one way he intended this to end.

Maxwell shrugs and waves an arm at Elliot. "There's a reason you got back into this. You've got two kids at college and another who still has to go. That's gonna be expensive."

Elliot's brow knots together and his fist curl so tightly that his nails push into palms at the mention of his children. Maxwell laughs deeply, shaking his head. "Don't worry, they're safe, well they are now that we have this fetching young woman," he says as he steps back and looked at Lucy who looked uncomfortable in the skin tight short dress. She shies away from his leer and her fingers tug at the hem of the dress. He wags his eyebrows at her before throwing a wink in Elliot's direction. "She'll make us a lot of money. I wonder if she's as feisty as her boss."

Elliot lets out a low growl as a warning but there is little he can do with his hands cuffed behind him. He feels weak and helpless and Maxwell knows it despite how much Elliot tries to hide it. A door creaked open behind Elliot and he heard two distinct sets of footsteps approach and walk past him. Elliot lifted his head and recognised the men from the park. Elliot straightens his back and stares at them as they stand either side of Maxwell.

"They weren't looking for her Stabler, they were looking for you," Maxwell continues with his explanation. "They were just checking out the _scenery_ while waiting for you. If you hadn't waded in and played the hero, she wouldn't be here."

Elliot tries to convey his apology to Lucy and her face softens as she shakes her head slightly, subtly telling him she doesn't blame him. It does little to ease his guilt. The hope is still in her expression and Elliot wishes it was wasn't because they were running out of time.

"My boss got a kick out of it when he found out you used to be Special Victims, he wanted to play this out for as long as he could but I advised him we risked drawing attention from your old partner and her team."

Elliot doesn't react, doesn't want to show weakness. The man to Maxwell's left whispers something into his ear. Maxwell scowls in response and nods his head once as the confident smirk slips from his face, his expression hardening.

"Apparently we're running late and I'm wasting time by digressing. I just thought you would appreciate the details before you die," Maxwell says rolling his eyes as he steps forward and aims his gun at Elliot, releasing the safety with a click. "Let's get this over with."

**Author Note - Any thoughts? There's a comment box below, leave them there. If you want to know what happens next, let me know.**


	17. Chapter 17

Healing Wounds – chapter seventeen

Elliot drops his chin and notices the spot of red on his shirt over his wound. It's tiny but growing slowly and he can feel the sticky blood seeping onto his skin, he knows Maxwell's fist burst at least one stitch. He breathes through the painful ache, he can deal with it for now but he knows another blow may cause a lot more damage than what's already been done. Elliot's been hurt in the line of duty before and he is prepared for the sacrifice but he knows his kids hate it. He would feel the same if their situation was reversed and all he can hope for is their forgiveness when this is all over.

He raises his head and meets Lucy's eyes as they widened in fear. Her already fair complexion seemed to pale further. Her foot inches forward as Maxwell aims the gun at him and the hand on her arm tightens, holding her in place. Her gaze drops to his shirt, obviously sees the growing red patch on the fabric. She grimaces as her body jerks forward and for a split second Elliot thought she might try to do something but instead she sways and her free hand came up to cover her mouth as her cheeks bulge.

"Ugh, I'm going to be sick," she manages to announce before she jerked forward and threw up over the floor, her vomit splattering on the tips of her shoes. The guy holding her drops her arm as he sprung back to avoid being covered, barely managing to escape with just a small drop on the tip of his shoe. Lucy isn't as lucky as the lower part of her legs and feet were hit in the fallout. She groans out of discomfort and wipes her mouth when she finally coughs up the last of it. Her body drops from exertion but she is caught by the guy who'd dropped her arm as he reaches under her arms and drags her backwards to avoid the spew.

"That was pleasant," Maxwell quips as he lowers the gun and looks over his shoulder at Lucy as she lifts herself to sit on the cold floor, still hiccupping and coughing lightly. He waves the gun in her direction and looks at the guy who was standing behind her. "Get her some water and then clean her up. We don't want anyone put off by the smell of vomit."

He pulls a face but didn't argue and effortlessly lifts Lucy up from the floor and marches her through a side door. Elliot cranes his head, his eyes following them through the door, glaring at it after it shuts behind Lucy and the henchman, listening keenly to the footsteps until he couldn't hear them anymore.

In his peripheral vision, he sees Maxwell turn back to him expectantly. He stubbornly keeps his eyes on the floor, refusing to give the other man any more power than he already had. Elliot lifting his feet to rest on the toes in anticipation.

"Come on Stabler, let me look you in the eye," Maxwell taunts with a teasing lilt.

Elliot is already pissed at himself for not realising that Maxwell was the inside man, for letting him getting the better of him and the taunt almost cracks uncharacteristic control he has over his anger. It takes everything not to rock back and attempt to stand up to confront Maxwell head on. He blows a breath out slowly, quietly as he curls and uncurls his hands. He needs to bide time. He's lost track of it, everything has been a blur since Maxwell pushed him into the warehouse. His eyes are blurring under the bright lights and his heart is pounding. He's forgotten what feels like to have this level of adrenalin pulsing through him. He slowly lifts his head and glowers at his former colleague, wondering how he could sacrifice these young women to whoever is boosting his bank balance.

"Come on Stabler," Maxwell spurs him on.

Elliot counts to ten in his head before raising his head and looking the other man in the eye. Maxwell looks triumphant, puffing out a laugh as he lifts the gun again. Elliot thinks of his children as he waits for the bullet to fire, wondering if they'll ever forgive him for taking the assignment, wondering if Oliver will remember him, what his unborn grandchild will know about him, about the milestones he'll miss like he missed with his children. He thinks of Olivia and Noah. She has the family she always wanted and he wasn't a part of it and it's just another regret added of the long list of regrets he has when it comes to her. And now he'll never have the chance to change any of that. He knows Olivia will understand, she's always understood even when she shouldn't. If he doesn't make it through this, he hopes his children will stay in contact with her.

Maxwell cocks the gun and Elliot tightens his muscles in anticipation of impact.

He needs more time.

The other man's eyes lose their mirth as his finger squeezes the trigger.

…..

They lost the signal from the tracker Elliot was carrying three blocks ago and they drove past the alley way twice to confirm the location with the SWAT Team. Ten minutes later the black van appears at the other end of the street and they file out of the car to meet the SWAT team who had been on standby waiting for their call.

Other units take up positions around the building to catch anyone who tries to run. With Olivia having to stay home with Noah it falls to Fin as the senior detective to deal with the team's CO. Their conversation is quick and to the point and a rehash of the briefing they had back at the house and soon they're making their way down the street to the warehouse. The team takes the lead down the side of the building moving quickly past the cars and pause when they find the body.

Fin recognises Foster, grimacing when he sees the bullet hole in the back of his head. He doesn't need to check for a pulse to know he's dead, but he crouches down and does it anyway to make it official. Not wanting to alert the gang to their arrival, he shakes his head as he stands and checks on Amanda and Nick as they check the van and cars for any sign of Elliot or the girls. They find nothing.

The SWAT team ready themselves at the door when they hear the gun shot.

…

"_I need help," Elliot announces as he met Fin, Amanda and Nick on the roof of the precinct. _

_Fin bobs his head stoically. "What do you need?" _

_Elliot nods once. They may have butted heads in the past and they would never be best friends but they could push that aside when it came to the job. Elliot knows Fin is close to Olivia and she valued him as a close friend and colleague. He also knows Fin cares about her and shared his mutual concern with Elliot when they worked together. Unfortunately, and rightly so, Nick wasn't as trusting._

"_Why come to us? What about Foster or Maxwell?"_

"_Someone is working from the inside, and I don't know who. It could be either or both of them, or someone on our team," Elliot explains. "I need people I can trust."_

"_How do you know you can trust us?" Nick replies. _

_Elliot looks to Fin for any indication for how to handle the man who replaced him. Fin's face was blank. While he was willing to help with the investigation, Fin wasn't going to give him a break in this conversation. He looks at the blonde but she was standing beside Nick, her arms folded across her chest, as she aptly waits for his response. He knew neither of them would be serving under Olivia if they weren't good at their jobs and that was good enough for him. _

"_Liv trusts you," Elliot simply states as if it explains everything. _

_That fazes the younger man; his hard unapologetic gaze disappearing as he blinks in surprise. Nick sighs and stuffs his hands into his pockets, begrudgingly accepting Elliot's reasoning. "What do you need?"_

_Elliot discreetly releases a sigh of relief. _

….

Elliot hears the shot but doesn't feel a searing heat of the bullet piercing his body. It takes him a moment to realise Maxwell didn't fire his gun and looks as confused as Elliot is. They barely have time to register that the bang came from the door which Lucy was dragged through when the door behind Elliot bursts open and the SWAT team swarm the warehouse.

"Police, drop the weapon," Fin orders Maxwell as he approaches Elliot from behind.

Maxwell and the men flanking him hesitate but at Maxwell's nod they do as ordered before raising their hands in surrender. Elliot is surprised when Nick grips his wrists and helps him to his feet before releasing the cuffs. Fin eyes the blood stain on his shirt.

"You hit?"

"Not me," Elliot says, ignoring the piercing pain in his side and the ever growing patch of blood on his shirt. He knows he should get medical attention but his feet start moving in the direction Lucy was taken. "They have Lucy."

…

Her whole body shook as she aims the smoking gun at the body on the floor. She fell backwards onto the grimy wall. The tears starting to fall as she slides down to the floor, her eyes never leaving the man she shot. His lifeless eyes stare back at her, his pants around his ankles. She screws her eyes shut as the sobs wrack her body. She drops the gun to the tiles and covers her mouth with her hands as she cries. The tears flow harder as she is overcome by the smell of gunpowder, vomit and blood. She feels so helpless. Even if she could, there's nowhere to run. She just wants to go home. They'll most likely kill her like they killed Elliot.

Elliot.

She doesn't remember how she got here, just remembers Elliot hunched over the hood of the van, recalls feeling safe for a split second before she was pulled into the warehouse and forced to watch them aim a gun at Elliot. He had come to her aide both times they had met. It didn't matter what that man said, Elliot wasn't responsible for them taking her.

Lucy lifts her head when she hears commotion in the hall way, hearing them rushing towards her. They must have heard the shot. She licks her lips, tasting the salty tears as she looks around the room for somewhere to hide. There's only a tiny window and nowhere near big enough for her to fit through. There's not enough time as the pounding footsteps get closer. Instead she edges towards the sink and the minimal cover it would provide. Cowering under it in her sobs become ragged and she starts wheezing. Instinctively she reaches for the gun again. She raises it at the door. She hiccups and wipes her tears with her free hand before clasping it with her other around the grip of the gun. Tremors wrack her arms as the door swings open and she screams as the men in black suits burst in, aiming their guns at her when they see the body and the weapon.

"Police, put the gun down slowly and raise your hands," one of them directs her, his voice muffled by the protective head gear he's wearing.

Lucy obeys and her breathing becomes frantic, her body rocking back and forth, bouncing off the wall. Her legs begin to shake uncontrollably when one of the men bends to retrieve the gun as Nick and Elliot follow them through the door.

"Lucy, what happened?" In her panic and shock she barely registers Nick's soft exclamation as he takes in the scene. The body. The pool of blood.

Her focus is on Elliot as he steps past the intimidating men covered in protective wear and crouches down beside her, careful not to touch her. He was alive. She gulps back the lump in her throat, her sobs subsiding and the tremors slowing dying. Her lips tremble as she tries to form the words she desperately needs to say. "I want to go home," she finally manages to croak out after several attempts.

**Author Note – I've got to say that was an incredible response to the last chapter. A few curse words, too. I'm glad I surprised a few of you. Please let me know what you're thinking now, either by reviewing or sending me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. **


	18. Chapter 18

Healing Wounds – chapter eighteen

One foot in front of the other.

It was that simple.

She's been doing it since she was a baby.

Her feet didn't want to co-operate as she was held up between the men who were essentially just acquaintances, but they partly drag, partly usher her, shielding they pass through the mass of men dressed in black uniforms and body armour as they rounded up the gang of men and put up a protective barrier between them and the girls they wanted to enslave for their own gain. Paramedics work on them, checking the girls who were at various stages of coming down. She's stopped crying but feels the tear tracks drying on her cheeks. She's still woozy from whatever they gave her, but she pushes herself forward, half propelled by the men either side of her. Elliot and Nick were mindful not to touch her too much or move her too quickly just guiding her because her body while she was still in shock like they've been trained to do.

"_Lucy, what happened?"_

She hadn't had the chance to answer Nick back in the bathroom as the swarm of faceless police moved quickly through the warehouse. As soon as she was calm enough to stand Elliot and Nick got her out of the crowded room. Lucy's thoughts and memories blur, she can't think straight. Whenever she blinks she can see the cold, dead, eyes staring back at her.

_She feels his eyes on her, leering at her lithe figure as she stands in front of the mirror. Mindful of his gaze, she makes deliberate and cautious movements, doesn't want him to have any reason to think she was going to try to escape. Her arms shake as she holds them out, cupping her hands under the faucet, the cool water pooling in her palm. The first handful splashes over her face to wash away any residual dreariness from the drugs she has been given, the second she pours into her mouth only to spit it out seconds later after gargling it, washing away the taste of vomit. She repeats it twice before swallowing. She wishes it would be just as easy to wash away the smell._

_Her body freezes when he steps away from the door. His breathing low and shallow, he draws closer. Lucy turns to him, her mouth opening but she can't talk only stands there in shock as he unbuckles his belt. Her eyes widen. It's like all the air is sucked from her body but she can't remember how to breathe. Her mind is screaming at her to do something but doesn't tell her what. The sound of the teeth of his zipper being released is too loud in the small room. Her eyes follow the path of his hands when she sees the gun in his holster as he hunches over slightly. He steps forward and grasps her arm, jerking her towards the mirror. _

_Her hands fly out to stop her from crashing into the wall. In the mirror her eyes find the weapon, following it as it swings with their movement. With one hand on her hip he holds her in place; his fingers scrunch the material of the flimsy dress, lifting it, exposing her. _

_She starts to panic and her heart thumps. She has no idea where the notion comes from; she acts on instnct. She has to be quick and if she fails, it'll most likely be the last thing she does. She moves swiftly as he's distracted by shoving his trousers down to mid-thigh. With force which surprises her Lucy whirls around, dislodging the hand on her hip and makes him stumble backwards. She manages to grab the gun, slides it from its' holster. _

_Lucy jabs it into his ribs as he recovers, holding it there as she meets his eyes. She falters and he spots it immediately. His smirk reaches his eyes as he clasps his hand over hers, his nails biting into her skin. He opens his mouth to say something or laugh, she doesn't find out which. She reacts rather than thinks and her finger squeezes the trigger and his expression turns to shock as he slumps forward. _

She murdered a man.

It didn't matter that he was going to rape her or that he had been a part of her abduction; she killed him. Violence went against her nature and she never imagined she would resort to it. She waits expectantly for one of the faceless police in body armour to snag her arms and cuff her like they're doing to the gang members. It doesn't happen. There is no recrimination, no blame in any of their eyes. She wonders if they're waiting for the shock to wear off before they question her. She had no idea how to explain it to them let alone her parents or Olivia.

Lucy shakes her head when she feels the blanket wrapped her shoulders. She twists her head and finds Elliot's concerned gaze on her as a female paramedic checks her over, talking her through her actions as she performs them. She's managed to block out the walk from the warehouse to the ambulance and can't remember being seated on the bed in the back. Elliot stands at the open door, his hands resting on his hips. Behind him, Nick is on the phone and she assumes he's speaking to Olivia, first because of the tone he's using and the simple yet relieved utterance of "We've found Lucy." And second, because her boss is notably absent. Lucy knew Olivia would be by her side if she was able to.

No one else has explained what happened after she was dragged out of the warehouse or how Elliot was still alive. They could have already told her and she could've forgotten it, it felt like her mind was going a mile a minute but she was trapped in it and was fading in and out, not really paying attention to everything around her.

He hung up and steps towards the ambulance. "Liv is going to meet us at the hospital."

Lucy's whole body lifts as she registered the words.

"What about Noah?" Elliot asks automatically.

"She's got someone to sit with him," Nick says and pointedly ignores the questioning look from Elliot.

Lucy lowers her gaze to the large red patch on Elliot's shirt. It doesn't seem to bother him as he basically stands guard at the outside the ambulance. He doesn't notice his slight sway but Nick does and grabs a passing paramedic.

"He needs to be checked out," Nick says as he directs the paramedic to Elliot.

Elliot broke out of his reverie when he was turned by the paramedic and made to lean on the step. Nick took the opportunity to check on Lucy. She wanted to lift her lips in reassurance, wanted to prove she didn't need the pity she was sure he'd give her. She couldn't bring herself to do it but she didn't see the pity either, just understanding and then she realised this must be a regular occurrence for him.

For Olivia.

They were all taking this in their stride, and she couldn't fathom ever being this calm about this kind of situation. She did basic research on their job when Olivia hired her to take care of Noah and she attended a basic self-defence class, but it hadn't prepared her for the reality. She is aware of the lucky escape she's had, knew others have endured more than she did before being able to escape or died before they had the opportunity. She can't bring herself to appreciate it right now.

….

Elliot glances over his shoulder as paramedic peels away his shirt. Lucy was shivering even with the blanket. She didn't seem aware and her dazed gaze swept over him and Nick. Elliot knew how scared she was under that calm façade. It would take a while for her shock to wear off. Then the questions would start and he wonders how she would hold up under the pressure of an interview. In his mind there was no doubt it was self-defence, and he hopes she wouldn't be exposed to the same rigorous questioning he endured when he had no choice but to shoot a perpetrator.

He flinches and twists his head sharply as the paramedic applies pressure to his side. Elliot looks down and realises how much blood he has lost, the sticky fluid coating his skin and soaking his shirt.

"A few stiches have burst, you need to go to the hospital," the paramedic announces. "Hold this on," he adds and directs Elliot's hand to hold a pad over the reopened wound. The paramedic then helps Elliot to stand and step up into the ambulance.

Nick takes over his position at the entrance. Though he'll never admit it Elliot likes Nick's no nonsense approach. Nick was protective without being intrusive, well not to the person he was protecting. He was good at his job and Olivia trusted him. She wouldn't be working with him otherwise. That knowledge did little to sate the jealousy which flared whenever Elliot thought about it. It didn't matter who was paired with her on the job, there would always be that territorial spark in him when he was confronted with it. But that was his doing, no one else's. He couldn't blame anyone for his mistake. He could've but chose not to keep tabs on who was teamed with her after he left. It would've been too painful. He tried over and over to justify leaving as being better for Olivia. He couldn't. He was too selfish to watch someone take his place as her partner; it was easier, not better for him, convincing himself it was better not knowing. He didn't stop wondering, just ignored it festering away inside. He found a way to live with it.

"We gotta go," the paramedic tells Nick when he makes sure his colleague and Lucy are ready to go.

"I'll meet you there," Nick says after casting another look at Lucy, gaging her reaction to the news. She seemed calm enough; more relaxed now that Elliot was in the ambulance. Elliot meets his eyes and nods once.

…

It sinks in when she's alone in the hospital room. The nurse just left, the door clicking loudly behind her. Lucy knew Nick was in the hall, waiting, watching, guarding. She was tempted to ask him to stay with her during the exam but she didn't want to be any more exposed than she already was. It would have been easier if Olivia was there or the other female officer who worked with them, the one who stayed behind at the warehouse. She may have asked one of them to stay with her.

Lucy pulls herself to sit on the edge of the gurney. She exhales softly, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She's never been through something that intrusive, only agreed to it because she can't remember what happened before the warehouse or how she was taken. The last thing she remembered before the van was studying in her apartment and knew nothing after. The examination revealed the bruises on her arms, legs and thighs and she couldn't recall having them before. She doesn't know how to react to the memory loss, whether it would last, whether she should be happy about not remembering the feel of them touching her. She didn't feel any strain, but that didn't mean they hadn't done anything else while she was out of it. The drugs had worn off and her whole body ache.

She stares through the blank wall in front of her.

Her eyes were wide and she can't blink because she would see _him_ again.

Her brain throbs and the headache takes hold.

She wants to feel relief, wants to be grateful that she's safe, that Elliot's alive. She can't. Not when she'll have to relive it. First when she will be questioned, then in her nightmares if she's ever able to sleep again.

Her arms are wrapped around her waist, her fingers scrunching the discarded blanket pooled around her on the bed, drawing it back up over her. She needs the warmth and protection it provides, a barrier to the overwhelming silence in the room. After longing for a moment to herself, she's now haunted by it. Her vision swims and her lip quivers, her throat catching as she strives to prevent the sob which threatens to burst out. She chokes it back when a knock cuts through the silence. Lucy looks over her shoulder in desperation, wanting to end her solitude to end. Olivia slips through the door.

"Hi," she breathes out gently. No pity, no accusation. Lucy can't reply because she's overcome with relief. Olivia looks understanding when she steps forward, ready to stop if Lucy told her to. Olivia sits on the corner of the bed. Close, too close and yet not close enough for Lucy.

Lucy shuffles across the mattress and Olivia does the same as Lucy breaks, her tears flowing when Olivia wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Lucy whispers.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Lucy," Olivia replies, squeezing her gently.

"I killed that man. He was undoing his trousers and I just went for his gun," she babbles.

Olivia stiffens. Lucy understands Olivia can't offer any advice but holding her tongue isn't working anymore. She doesn't know if that counts as a confession.

"He kidnapped you Lucy and you had just seen Elliot being threatened with a gun," Olivia replies delicately. "You were defending yourself, you are not to blame for any of this."

Hearing the words isn't as comforting as she hoped; nothing could, not really, even if she deserved that comfort. She sniffs back the tears and dries her eyes with the tissue which Olivia offers her. "They did a rape kit. Just in case…I can't remember if…" Lucy trails off with a telling look to Olivia who just nods. "What's going to happen now?"

"An officer will take your statement when you're up to it."

"What are they going to ask me?"

"They're going to ask you what you remember," Olivia states. "I'm going to ask your parents to arrange for a lawyer to be present when they talk to you too."

That's not what Lucy meant, but it's something. She doesn't know why Olivia mentioned a lawyer but trusts her to have her best interests at heart. She has more experience with this. "Can you do it?"

Olivia shakes her head. "I can't because you're Noah's babysitter."

Lucy looks up, her heart lifting at the mention of the toddler. "How is he?"

"He's fine, with a friend."

"Can I come see him sometime?"

"Of course you can, why are you asking that?"

"I wasn't sure if you still wanted me to look after him," Lucy admits. If she couldn't look after herself, how would she protect Noah?

"Lucy," Olivia exhales. "Your job will be there whenever you are ready to go back to it. You need to take some time to deal with what's happened in the last few days. Noah and I are here for you no matter what happens and you can visit whenever you want."

Lucy's lips twitch but don't form a full smile. "I just want to forget this ever happened."

"Unfortunately that won't happen," Olivia tells her sadly. "But you are strong enough to get through this."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"You will," Olivia insists. "I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy, because it won't be but there are others who can help, you have to let them. I know councillors you can speak to, whatever you need."

Lucy absorbs what Olivia is trying to tell her, not being able to imagine ever getting past this. A commotion erupts in the hall and she hears the erratic voices of her parents directing a series of questions at Nick, in their panic they don't give him a chance to answer before firing the next one at him. He raises his hands as he tries to calm them.

"How am I going to tell them?"

….

Elliot barely listens, just nods in response to the doctor as he sternly reinforces the instructions of getting lots of rest. The new stitches stretch when Elliot sits up slowly. He sighs, contemplating his blood soaked shirt that was discarded on the stool beside the stretcher. He holds it up and the blood has seeped to cover the lower half of one side. It was better than going out there without a shirt. The anaesthetic he was given is wearing off and he grimaces as he stretches to slip his head through the hole and his good arm through one sleeve.

He needs to call his superior. Nick informed him of their arrival at the warehouse shortly after getting to the hospital. Fin was dealing with them for now. Hopefully that'll appease them for a while. He can't do this anymore. He's seen too many people in the same situation Lucy was in tonight, not all of them had been rescued, not nearly enough. He's tired of the rift it causes with his children, tired of the corruption, tired of everything.

He attempted to live a mundane life and grew bored of it. He was a marine and then a cop. He wasn't used to sitting still, wasn't good at it. There was too much running through his mind, too many memories which he wanted to forget but would never be able to. He tried going back into the field and while the result was good he still feels like he failed, there were still many more people who needed help. He may not be capable of it, physical injuries aside he's not able to compartmentalise like he should, he was never able to quite grasp that, and he could ensure others could.

Elliot grabs the other sleeve and attempts to slip his arm into it, giving up after the stitches stretch. Heeding the Doctors advice he gives up when he feels the strain on the delicate wound. He breathes deeply through the pain. He needs to control it before the doctor notices and makes good on the threat of ordered bed rest till he heals.

There's a sharp knock on the pillar bordering the cubicle. The curtain is pulled back a fraction for Olivia to poke her head through the gap.

"Hi," Olivia says softly. She eyes his half covered torso and the thin line of black thread criss-crossing through his skin.

"Hi," Elliot replies, shocked she would seek him out after everything. She takes his greeting as the invitation it is and ducks through the gap she's created. "Have you seen Lucy?"

"Yeah, her parents are with her. She's still in shock and Nick is going to take her statement when she feels up to it."

Elliot nods. "He's a good cop," is all he offers and though he has no right to offer any approval over the man who replaced him, he knows she'll know what Elliot's really saying.

….

"He is," Olivia agrees, choosing not to admonish him for his slip into his old habits. Her eyes fall over his chest again. She opens her shoulder bag and pulls out a shirt, laying it on the bed beside him. "I brought you a shirt."

"Thanks," he replies and lifts it, sending her a questioning look when he realises it's his. It's a button down rather than a tee and will be easier to put on than the ruined one. He takes the old one from around his neck and drops it to the bed but doesn't move to put the other one on.

"Dickie gave it to me when I dropped Noah off with him and Lizzie," Olivia hastens to add. She was surprised to receive the call from the twins offering to look after Noah, realising they wanted to know about their father's safety. She hated staying at home knowing her team were in the field. It was bad enough spending most of her working hours in the squad room now. "They called when they saw it on the news. He slept through the car journey."

Elliot nods. They stare at each other, not sure what to say.

"How are you?" Olivia asks to fill the uncomfortable silence.

"I need to rest so I don't burst any more stitches." It's Olivia's turn to nod as she glances down at the re-stitched, cleaned wound. Elliot then reaches for his new shirt, easily sliding it on to his arms. "Can we talk?" He asks while buttoning it.

"Talking never worked for us, Elliot, we end up arguing," Olivia replies not needing to ask what he wants to talk about.

"We didn't last time."

Yes, he can be an asshole. She knows that.

"I…" Despite it being on the tip of her tongue, she can't bring herself to say their night together was a mistake. The circumstances weren't ideal but she would never regret being with him, even if it never happened again. "We were caught up in the moment."

It's a cliché and she rolls her eyes when she says it. And she knows it's the worst thing she can say when Elliot narrows his eyes and puffs out his chest defensively. She's giving them an out, him a chance to walk away again as if nothing happened. If that's what he wants to do. She's not going to let him back into her life just for him to walk out of it. It pisses her off when he doesn't say anything.

"You really want to have this conversation here?" She asks gesturing to the cubicle and the sounds of the busy ward outside.

"What difference does it make Liv?" Elliot shrugs hostilely. "There's always going to be another excuse for us not to talk."

"When did you become so eager to talk?"

"When I realised we wouldn't sort this out without talking."

That annoys her even more.

"What do you want from me Elliot?" She sighs with a shake of her head.

….

They're going around in circles. And he needs to break that cycle. "I'm asking for one date," he declares. She's kept asking what he wants from her, now he's told her. If he's going to do this, he might as well be all in.

"We don't do that," Olivia argues.

"No, we've never done that before." She cocks an eyebrow at him and he releases a breath. "We've shared every kind of meal but it's never been a date."

"It won't work."

"You don't know that," he argues and she laughs, more from shock than humour.

"What did they give you when they did the stitches?" She jokes nervously.

"Olivia," he says seriously and she raises her eyes to meet his. "I don't know if this is going to work, I want it to," he admits.

She purses her lips, mulling over his words. She looks doubtful, like she's about to refuse and walk away. He wouldn't blame her.

"Just one date," he says, his voice low and gravely. She looks at him sharply. Suddenly he thinks he's read her wrong all these years. He could settle for being just her friend if that's all she wants him to be after everything. It would hurt but better than nothing. Her soft inhale is his only warning as she begins to speak.

"I just…"

**Author Note – Right, uh well, feedback is appreciated. Any thoughts? Please put them in the box below. PM me if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment. Till next time. **


	19. Chapter 19

Healing Wounds – chapter nineteen

Elliot let himself and Olivia into his apartment a little after seven thirty in the morning. He hangs up his jacket and turns to his former partner expectantly. She blinks as she recognises the silent invitation to stay. Without a word she shrugs out of her coat and hands it to him to place on the hook next to his.

Elliot led the way into the living room where his three youngest children, all still in their pyjamas, cuddled together on one of the sofas watching cartoons with Noah sat on Dickie's lap, his small mouth open as he focused on the screen, fascinated by the talking sponge and pink starfish. Elliot threw her a smirk over his shoulder at the scene.

"Hi guys," Elliot says to announce their arrival.

"Hey," Dickie says without taking his eyes off the screen while the other three looked up.

"Mama," Noah exclaims, his reaction immediate and without restraint. It was welcoming and loving, not out of anxiety or distress at being separated from her. He seems comfortable enough in the unfamiliar surroundings and the new people. She had never been happier at his ability to adapt to changes in his routine and new people. He scrambles down from Dickie's lap and over to the empty sofa, climbing onto it to reach Olivia who lifts him into her arms, just as eager to have him in her arms after the disruption in the middle of the night.

"Hi Noah," Olivia breathes out when he settles on her hip. "Have you been good?"

Noah nods and twists towards the Stabler siblings, pointing enthusiastically. "Eeli, Izzie, and Dick," he finishes his introductions with a shout, rousing the young man from his cartoon induced daze.

"Yeah little dude, you okay?" Dickie asks.

"Yup, hug Mama," Noah answers with a quick exaggerated nod wraps his arms around her neck and squeezes gently, pressing his face to hers and she rewards him with a kiss on his cheek. Apparently he's forgotten the most important introduction and spins around to the television. "Bob!" He cries with a laugh.

With Noah's attention back on the screen Olivia turns back to Elliot's children, receiving small smiles from the older ones while Eli looks terrified as he stares at the bloodied shirt in Elliot's hand.

"Eli," Elliot says quietly, warmly, and encouragingly.

Elliot's intention backfires as it rouses his youngest from his daydream and he doesn't say anything as he jumps up and over the back of the sofa to escape his fear. It didn't matter that his father was standing before him; the sight of the blood soaked shirt was enough to make him bolt.

"Eli," Elliot calls out after him, desperate to reach out to his son but to no avail.

"You can't blame him for that Dad, he was worried that you weren't here when he woke up," Lizzie explains.

Elliot didn't reply to his daughter, only looked at the shirt in his hand then at Olivia apologetically but she only nods after Eli, encouraging him to sort this out with his son and not worry about her and Noah right now. He tries to convey how much her backing means to him. It's futile and will never be able to convey the true depth of his gratitude he held for her, resulting in rare acknowledgement of the things she did for him. There was nothing he could say or do which could repay her for what she's done for him in the past.

"Will you stay?" He asks gruffly, acutely aware of the twins stare. He hates showing vulnerability, any kind, though he finds emotional harder to handle than physical helplessness. Let alone with the twins witnessing the display. That doesn't concern him right now, just the guarded stare Olivia is projecting back at him. She's probably the only person who hates showing weakness more than he does.

"Yeah," Olivia agrees softly.

….

After tossing the ruined shirt in the bin under the sink and washing his hands Elliot knocks on his Eli's door. When there is no answer he cautiously pushes it open, peeking around the door to find Eli sat on the other side of his bed, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them as he buries his head between them. Elliot couldn't hear any sobs but from the way Eli was shaking, it wouldn't be long before he would be crying.

"Eli," Elliot says gently.

"Go away Dad," he replies his words being muffled by his body.

It hurt when one of his children was upset, it hurt even more when he was the cause of that pain, it was worse when they rejected him when he wanted nothing more than to comfort them. He exhales quietly, pushing the door open completely, closing it quietly behind him. He steps around the bed and rather than sitting on it he awkwardly hunkers down between it and Eli, gritting his teeth at the pull on the fresh stitches in his side while balancing on his toes. He breathes deeply before lowering himself completely to the floor. He breathes in shallow breathes, hoping to be discreet about his body's rebellious reaction to the action. Eli acknowledges his presence by shuffling a couple of inches away from Elliot.

"I'm fine Eli," he says, hoping the small lie won't backfire on him.

Eli's head twists towards him but doesn't lift from its' position. "But your shirt had blood on it."

"I threw it away Eli, so it's gone now." Elliot wraps an arm around his shoulders to comfort him, thankfully he doesn't pull away. He sniffs tearfully.

"Why were you bleeding?"

Elliot swallows loudly. Eli, all of his children in fact, deserved an honest answer. "I was hurt when I was working last night and I had to get new stitches. I'm gonna be fine."

Eli freezes with the admission. Elliot prepares to grab him in case he bolts again. "I don't like your job Dad."

"I know."

"Why d'you do it then?" Eli lifts his head and meets Elliot's eyes as he waits for the answer.

It was Elliot's turn to pause. He hated this moment in his children's lives, the point when they started to question the world and its' cruelties. He could be over protective of his children, often to the detriment of his relationship with them, but he loved them more than anything. He hated having this conversation with them and put it off as long as possible. If he had the option to bypass it altogether, he would. This was the moment when they lost their innocence in exchange for knowledge outside of the world of play and make believe where everything was simple. That simplicity had been stolen from Eli in a matter of seconds with the stabbing and in the ensuing hospital stay and investigation Elliot hadn't found the opportunity to explain the situation to Eli. Of his children Eli was the odd one out and he never grew up with Elliot being a cop. It was only natural for him to question it.

"Because there are a lot of bad people in the world, some like to hurt and force others to do things they shouldn't do. When you and your brother and sisters were born I wanted to protect you from all of that. I wanted you to grow up feeling safe."

While it was a fantasy he wanted for his children, Elliot had never been swept away by it. Realistically, there were always going to be more; some purely for money, some because of the sick pleasure they get out of torturing others. For one man brought to justice, there were always going to be ten more out there. He wanted his children to have faith in him and his job, validating the time it took away from his relationship with them.

Eli straightens his back and leans into Elliot's embrace, seeking physical reassurance to affirm his father's answer. He ponders Elliot's explanation, his face drawn in deep concentration, as he figures out if it satisfies his curiosity. Elliot draws him closer, patting his arm lightly; Eli scoots closer. He is silent for a long minute before tilting his face to awkwardly look at Elliot.

"Did you catch the bad guys that hurt you Dad?" He asks quietly.

"Yeah but they hurt others before we could stop them," Elliot thinks about specifically mentioning Lucy because Eli knows her but thinks better of it. It would only worry him more. Eli made a face, torn. Apparently that's not what he wanted to hear. "I'm not going to be working anymore cases Eli, I can't do that anymore. I'm gonna be teaching the new agents from now on."

"You promise?" Eli's eyes sparkled with hope. Elliot squeezes his shoulders and nods.

"I talked to my boss and he agreed." His boss had tracked him down before he and Olivia left the hospital and he'd been less than impressed with Elliot's decision of involving the police in their investigation but was too unnerved by his account of the night's events and detailing Maxwell's involvement in the gang who were trafficking the girls that he granted Elliot's request to return to his old assignment. Apparently his former colleague was already offering information in exchange for protection.

Eli turns towards him, sliding his arms around Elliot's waist, cuddling close. "Are you going to get hurt anymore?"

"Not if I can help it Eli. We can't control every situation. Remember when we were in the park?" Eli nods against him. "I helped Lucy because I was worried she and Noah were going to be hurt. I'm not going to let the possibility of being injured stop me from doing the right thing and helping someone, I think it's worth the risk."

Silence ensues as Eli thinks it over for a long moment. "I think so too," he agrees quietly.

…

Tonight was always going to be a disaster; there was no getting away from it, and looking in the mirror she wants to cancel for the fiftieth time today. Not just all day, she had felt like this since she agreed, kept wondering if she had made a mistake by accepting. Maybe she should have said no, let them keep the memory of their few hours coiled around one another and allow them return to their lives before that chance meeting in the park.

And as always with Elliot, she couldn't say no.

She wishes she could have said no.

She hadn't really been able to say yes either, just nodded slowly under his fixed stare. There was no denying she was nervous. All day she had been hoping for a case, anything to justify cancelling the date. But nothing and it was a slow day where she spent most of it sitting at her desk mulling over paperwork and she was able to slip away on time.

Picking Noah up from day care didn't help. They were still getting used to the new arrangement. He was making progress, meeting and playing with other children but he was one of several and vying with others for attention meaning he becomes clingy when she drops him off or collects him. He needed to interact with other children but Olivia hated leaving him there all day and never wanted to. It was the only option because she wasn't going to replace Lucy; her heart clenching at the mere thought of it. They missed her.

The young woman checked in every other day from her parent's home. The dead hollow sound of her voice broke Olivia's heart when they spoke. Her memory was starting to come back to her in flashes and while none of them revealed any physical assault Lucy was still unnerved by them.

Olivia blinks at her reflection, appraising her choice once more. She didn't know where they were going or what Elliot planned for tonight and had finally decided on a simple black dress and a lace shawl. Looking over her shoulder to her bed where Noah sat in the middle of the discarded dresses. She smiles when she sees he found her heels and was looking at them curiously. He'd grown bored of playing with his toys while she tried on dress after dress. She doesn't have that many to try on. Suddenly her son looks up at her, meeting her eyes in the mirror immediately and smiles.

"Mama' shoes," he says with a laugh, sliding them onto his hands and clapping the soles together loudly.

"Those are my shoes Noah," she tells him as she turns away from the mirror and walks over to her bed, perching on it next to him.

Noah claps the shoes once more and kicks his legs excitedly, his bare feet catching his attention. He drops the heels to the mattress and grabs his foot. "No shoes."

"Because you're going to bed."

"No nap," Noah automatically replies and Olivia sighs.

"Are you going to be good for Dickie?"

"Dick?" Noah questions, his eyes lighting up at the mention of the young man. Apparently their shared affinity for Spongebob forged a quick bond between them and Olivia had been relieved when Dickie offered to babysit while she and Elliot went to dinner.

Olivia doesn't have time to confirm because a loud knocks travels through the apartment. She scoops Noah off of the bed and settles him on her hip as she walks to the door. Looking through the peep hole she sees Elliot standing there stiffly.

Her stomach does a flip and she takes a deep breath to quell the sudden wave of nausea that threatens to take hold. Elliot looks as nervous as she feels. She notes the effort he's made as he stands there dressed in a shirt and tie which she knows he hates. It looks too tight around his neck. He lifts his arm and his fingers touch the collar, smoothing the fabric. His hand pauses then twitches as if he wants to tug it away from the skin. He lets the hand drop, falling over his tie, flattening it against his shirt.

She realises she is taking too long to answer the door when he frowns at the peep hole and lifts his hand to knock again. Before his knuckles connect with the wood she slides the bolt across and opens the door. They both pause; their gazes take in each other's choice of outfit. His eyes don't leer but slowly rise to her face. Their eyes meet and hold.

"Hi," Elliot says forcing a flash of a smile.

"Hi," Noah chirps before Olivia can reply. "Dick?" He asks looking around Elliot for him.

"He's going to be here soon Noah," Elliot tells him smiling indulgently. "His class ran late," he explains to Olivia who nods and hefts Noah higher on her hip. His smile drops when he looks closer at her face. "What's wrong?"

She thinks about lying to him. He'd see through it so she doesn't. "Are we doing the right thing?" She breathes out.

"I don't know," Elliot replies honestly, cautiously. And Olivia breathes out a sigh of relief. Elliot hears it and his eyes sparkle as he teases, "How many times did you think about cancelling?" Elliot asks with a crooked smirk.

"Several," she admits, opening the door wider for him.

"Me too," Elliot confesses as he steps past her. "You look beautiful," he tacks on as if he's forgotten to mention it.

"Thank you. You look good," Olivia says closing the door and turns to face him. "Have a seat, I'm just going to get Noah's bottle ready."

"I'm sorry," he apologises sitting on the sofa.

In the kitchen Olivia busies herself with preparing Noah's bottle, aware of Elliot's attention. She doesn't lift her head, doesn't want to look into his eyes as she accepts another apology. "It's not your fault," Olivia replies. "We're forcing it."

"We seem to make more progress when we don't think about it," he counters and she finally raises her head to look at him and offers him a real smile. It doesn't light up her face and it isn't because she's happy, it's relief and understanding.

"Yeah," she agrees and her bashful half smile grows as the blush blooms on his face when he realises the implication he unknowingly made.

His chest heaves and she can see his mind working as he makes a decision. He lifts off the sofa. "Why don't I cancel the restaurant?" He asks, facing her. Olivia's doubt must've shown on her face because he rushes to explain his reasoning. "If we go out neither one of us will relax and it will be more awkward than this. So what if I go get dinner and a bottle of wine and we stay here?"

"I would like that," Olivia agrees with a quick head bob. Elliot pulls his phone from his pocket and turns to walk towards the door.

"I'll just call Dickie and tell him to head home. I'll be back soon," he says pulling the door open.

He's about to step out when Olivia calls out to him. "Elliot." He looks over his shoulder. "Lose the tie."

He smiles warmly at her and slips out the door already tugging at the knotted fabric.

….

Three quarters of a pizza and a bottle of red later, they're sat on her living room floor sitting against her sofa. Her feet are tucked beneath her while his stretch out in front of him. His shirt has the first two buttons undone. His jacket, with his tie tucked into a pocket, is laid over the back of the arm chair and her heels have been discarded under the coffee table. Noah had finally exhausted himself and allowed Olivia to put him to bed about half an hour ago. He was right, she feels more relaxed with this situation.

"I can't believe you like teaching," Olivia tells him as she watches him wipe his mouth.

"It's not as boring as I thought it was going to be and I still need to finish paperwork for court." He tosses the napkin on the coffee table. "I'm sorry," Elliot comments and when she begins to admonish him he waves her off. "Not about tonight, about everything. You may not want me to but I want to."

"You've already said this," Olivia reminds him quietly. She picks up her glass and drinks the last sip. It's more for courage than anything. They'd covered the safe topics; work, children. There wasn't anything to else to cover the silence. Neither of them speaks for a long moment and just listened to the music Olivia had put on low after Noah fell asleep. She places her glass on the table and Elliot reaches forward and lifts the bottle, sharing the remaining alcohol between their empty glasses. She doesn't thank him as she reaches for her glass again. She doesn't drink just cradles it in her lap.

"I hated you for a while," she admits. There. She's said it.

A beat. No response. The customary apology doesn't come when she expects it and she's grateful. For the first time since they were reunited she welcomes his stoic silence. She needs it, it gives her confidence. "I don't want you to apologise because you're not the only who needs forgiving, Elliot. You left and I hated the way that made me feel and react. It made me question _everything_."

"I shouldn't have done that," Elliot states. They aren't the other words, the ones he's desperate to growl out in frustration, the ones she's begged him not to say but she can hear them in his tone.

"But you did."

His fist curls. She doesn't back away. It's his method of controlling his aggravation. She's not afraid of him. Never has been.

"I shouldn't have let you doubt our partnership," Elliot responds heavily, struggling with the term.

Olivia coughs lightly to clear her throat. "I thought you hated me."

"I could never hate you Liv. I hated myself for failing everyone."

"You never failed Elliot, it wasn't your fault," she explains and allows a hand to touch his curled one, he doesn't move it away and she slips her fingers through his when it opens. It's a simple gesture but holds so much significance for them. Neither accepts comfort well.

"What are we doing here?" He asks gesturing at their plates piled on top of one another, their glasses, the candles she lit on impulse, the music playing, all of them a distraction from the real situation, trying to give this out of the ordinary situation some normalcy. "Are we wasting our time?"

The change of subject doesn't surprise her. It's what he's changed it to that surprises her; he's just as uncomfortable as she is with this. She looks straight ahead, concentrates on the small flame flickering around the candle wick. She has no response.

"Why didn't we take our chance when we had it?" Elliot asks quietly when she stays silent.

Olivia twists and rolls to rest her hip on the floor so she faces Elliot, her head tilting as he looks down at her. His bright blue eyes look through her, imploring, waiting, wanting. His hand squeezes hers as if he's afraid she'll withdraw. He still knows her.

"Did we ever have a chance Elliot?"

His eye blinks and twitches. "Maybe we didn't," he concedes. "I always regretted not telling you-"

Olivia shakes her head to stop him. She didn't want to hear his regrets, she knew them all too well because they were hers too. "I didn't know what I felt for you Elliot and I was never going to risk everything we had when I wasn't sure."

"I knew Liv, it confused me, but I knew." His thumb strokes the back of her fingers and she wonders if it's causing the same reaction in him. She wishes he'd stop because it's distracting her from what she needs to say. She doesn't pull away just curls into the sofa.

"You needed your family to keep you grounded and remember why you do this job. You were leading a life with Kathy that I didn't want, I don't want. I wanted a family and you already had yours, it would never have been ours," she says quietly but not without conviction. Hurt flashes across his face and she sympathises with him, it hurt when she realised it all those years ago. Beyond the hurt, she sees understanding and his hand tighten on hers. She smiles wanly at him and he returns it.

"What about now? What about Noah?" Elliot asks hoarsely.

They're valid questions, she's asked them herself over and over again, especially in the last week. "He comes first, but having him doesn't stop me from doing my job."

Elliot accepts her answer with a nod. His thumb stops moving and his hand holds hers in his lap. She doesn't pull away. "We're different now."

"We are," she agrees her eyes drift down to her lap. She doesn't recognise them anymore, sometimes she barely recognised herself. They're different people with different circumstances. She wonders if it means it'll be easier than before.

"What are you afraid of?" Elliot asks quietly.

"That I don't know you anymore."

"Do you want to?"

And as always with Elliot, she couldn't say no.

"Yes."

….

Four months later

It isn't the sun peaks through the slit in the curtains that wakes Elliot; it's the soft chatter coming over the baby monitor as Oliver and Noah babble to each other in a language only they can understand. They've been awake for about five minutes, pottering around Noah's room playing with toys. Elliot breathes easily at the contented sounds coming from the monitor. Explaining the concept of a sleep over to the almost two year olds had been a hard task and even harder to settle the boys last night, and eventually they let Oliver fall asleep in Olivia's bed before moving him to the travel cot they had set up in Noah's room.

The bed shifts and the comforter unceremoniously slides over him, leaving his side next to the edge exposed as Olivia burrows deeper into the cocoon she's made for herself. He thinks about trying to pull it back but that would just make him want to delay the inevitable impending interruption. On cue he hears Noah's bedroom creak open and the boys step out into the living, obviously looking for their adults as Noah quietly calls out, "Mama?"

Elliot chuckles and pats her hip lightly.

"Incoming," he warns and she grumbles something he can't make out.

He doesn't have time to ask her to repeat it as he hears the boys pick up the pace and scurry down the hall. The bedroom door bursts open in a way which should make Elliot proud. The boys don't pause as they rush the bed, clambering onto it with ease.

"G'anpa," Oliver says happily upon seeing Elliot awake and launches himself at his grandfather.

"Oomph," Elliot says and is grateful the stab wound healed without any complications. "You're happy this morning." Oliver nods enthusiastically.

Noah climbs over Elliot's legs, making a beeline for his mother who is still buried under the covers. He pats her leg gently. She emits a fake snore and Noah smirks at the cover. They've played this game before and it's one of his favourites. Olivia pulls the cover closer to her and it slips over her feet, her toes scrunching at the change of temperature.

"Tickle Mama's feet Noah," Elliot suggests as Oliver settles on his chest, watching his friend in interest.

Noah shakes his head vehemently. "No! Mama no like 'ickle," he answers with a frown, indignant that Elliot would even suggest it. "She s'eeping."

"Mama's pretending to sleep," Elliot tells him with a conspiratorial whisper. He tries not to laugh when Noah eyes his mother's covered form inquisitively, his head tilting to the side, trying to figure out if Elliot was telling the truth. He crawls between the adults, unbothered by Elliot being there. Noah taps her shoulder and Olivia snores again. Elliot barely swallows his rumbling chuckle. Noah whips his head around at the sound when he hears it; the kid never misses anything, just like his mother. Admonishing Elliot with a frown the toddler continues leaning over Olivia. He carefully lifts the edge of the duvet, peering underneath at his mothers' face taking in her closed eyes. Elliot smiles as he sees the tiny smirk playing on her lips. She lets out another snore. Noah purses his lips thoughtfully, considering his mother.

"'Ou 'tending s'eep Mama?" Noah asks quietly in case she was asleep.

Knowing what she's about to do, Elliot wraps his arms around Oliver and cuddles him close. Olivia springs up from the mattress and scoops her hands under Noah's arms. She throws him into the air a short distance before catching him and pulling him close to her, delighting in his excited, uninhibited laughter only children seem to be able to possess. Noah beams up at Olivia, his laughter eliciting a look of pure joy from her. He looks around her arm at Elliot when she scoots back to rest against the pillows. "Mama 'wake, E'iot," Noah says pointedly.

"I see that Noah," Elliot replies, his voice low and indulgent, full of warmth.

This wasn't the first morning they'd shared. It wasn't easy; it was hard finding time to spend together with their schedules. While he and Olivia continued to make slow progress, their nights and mornings together were becoming more frequent. Though they got along and Noah usually liked Elliot, he was still getting used to sharing his mother with other people.

"Hi Olivia," Oliver pronounces carefully, beaming up at Olivia.

"Hi Oliver," Olivia replies with a wide smile.

Elliot smiled, ever since Kathleen tried to explain about his namesake Oliver had taken it very seriously. Elliot knew he didn't understand it and just liked that their names sounded similar. He still babbles a lot but he takes pride in being clear when he says their names, a mischievous glint in his eye when he calls Olivia by her full name. He adores her and loves spending as much time with her as he does with Noah. He sits up, Elliot's arms falling away as he scooted over to Olivia and Noah, eager to have cuddles with his namesake. She held one arm out to him, wrapping it around him when he was close enough and both boys were content with their positions as they lounged against Olivia.

With a groan Elliot moves to the edge of the bed, dropping his feet to the floor. He glances over his shoulder. "I guess I'm making breakfast, huh?"

"I guess so," Olivia agrees, biting her lip as the boys scramble into Elliot's vacated spot, pulling the covers over them and smiling cheekily at him as they snuggled into his pillow.

"Anyone want to help?" The boys just look at him and shake their heads. "You make yourselves comfy."

Elliot reaches for his phone on the nightstand. No messages from any of his children or Kathy.

"The baby hasn't arrived yet Elliot, they would have called," Olivia tells him gently.

"Mama have baby," Oliver says, looking to Elliot for confirmation.

"Not yet Oliver." His daughter was due over a week ago and yesterday she had been admitted to hospital with the aim to induce the baby. He was worried.

"Oh," he shrugs, but isn't overly upset because he diverts his attention back to Noah and Olivia.

Olivia reaches out to touch Elliot's hand on the bed. "They'll be okay."

"I know," he agrees and leans over the boys to peck her quickly on the lips. He withdraws only for her to lift her other hand to his neck and drag him back to her for another kiss. "Morning," he says when releases her. "Any requests?"

"Pancakes," Olivia suggests. Elliot hangs his head as the boys squeal in excitement and jump down from the bed, racing out of the door to 'help'.

"Thanks," he says to Olivia as wriggles down into the bed. Elliot pats her knee through the comforter. He stands and follows the boys out of the bedroom. He reaches the door when his phone rings in the bedroom. He pauses as he hears the bed move and knows Olivia is checking it for him.

"Elliot," she calls as she comes to stand in the doorway. "Are you ready to meet your granddaughter?"

THE END

**Author Note – I just want to thank you all for reading and I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to review, favourite and follow. A special thank you goes to Tamara and Dee, because there were times when I couldn't have gotten this done without their support, I love you both. As this is the last chapter it would be lovely to know any thoughts you have, even if you have never reviewed before. So, if you have a few minutes please leave your comments in the box below or send me a PM if you don't want to leave a public comment. **


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